Shock Horror or the Adventures of Clark Luthor
by Hollywood Recycle Bin
Summary: AU SLASH INCEST OOC NON SENSE, season 2 spoilers. Clark Kent becomes a Luthor, Lana is a hermaphrodite, Chloe goes through an identity crisis, Lionel gets some... well actually he gets a lot, and Pete... faints. THIS IS PURE UNALTERED RANDOM NONSENSE!
1. Prologue

Hello, this is HOLLY WOOD RECYCLE BIN and this is my first and only Smallville fic. And it's the most random piece of non sense I've ever written. This story is not for those who are logical. This is just me having some fun.

Title: SHOCK HORROR SHOCK HORROR or The Grand adventures of Clark Luthor

Disclaimer: All I own is the representation of a perfect form of my brain. Or something like that...

Warning: SLASH, incest, OOCness and other sick twisted nonsense.

Feedback: Please do, but don't flame.

Spoilers: from episode Lineage onwards.

Pairing: um...Lionel/everyone, Clark/almost everyone, Lex/ almost everyone... oh you get the picture. The only couple that is monogamous is Chloe/Lana.

Summary: AU where Clark Kent becomes a Luthor.

My story is follows the story line of season 2 starting from the episode Lineage. Each part is a parody of each episode and each part has chapters in it. Please notice the warning and don't flame me for my lack of morality, common sense etc. And I don't mean to offend anyone so if I did, sorry.

On with the Prologue

Long ago in a galaxy far far away...um...let's skip all that. It'll take too long.

Ok, start again.

Once upon a time about a few years ago, on this very Earth in a place called Smallville, Kansas; there lived a 16 year old alien boy by the name of Clark Kent who loved to walk around naked. Clark was dropped off on Earth after his planet was destroyed and was picked up by a poor farming couple who went by the names Jonathan and Martha Kent.

One day a woman came by claiming to be Clark's mother and convinced that the multi-billionaire Lionel Luthor was his father. Since she wasn't an alien the Kents didn't believe her, she got a court ordered DNA test and made Clark take it. Clark, not wanting people to know that he was an alien, switched his DNA sample with his buddy Pete Ross.

It was on a fine afternoon when the DNA results arrived and SHOCK HORROR SHOCK HORROR: Pete's DNA matched that of the notorious Lionel Luthor.

Poor ol' Pete never saw it coming, and was too shocked to face it when it did. So he never actually faced it and is today, still oblivious to that fact.

But never fear, for our hero is never alone. Though he can never share the secret of not really being a Luthor (as well as the alien thing) to anyone else, he still has good trustworthy friends who will always be there for him. (cough bullshit cough)

One of those friends is the beautiful hermaphrodite, Lana Lang, owner of the popular coffee shop cum theatre; the Talon and her ever changing roommate, Chloe Sullivan who is...well, ever changing.

Now Clark must lead a double life as a rich and sophisticated cough yeah right cough Luthor and as wholesome farm boy Kent; and face new obstacles such as the Anti-Luthor society and mobs of fan girls.

He must also learn the ways of Luthorism with his new half brother, best friend and lover, Lex Luthor, whose subconscious is convinced that Clark is his dead brother Julian and from his 'daddy' the blind and (very) sexually active 60 year old ruthless business man. They also practice the 'Luthor family tradition' together frequently winkwink.

All this and he still has to save the local residence from any evil that arises in the leafy town of SMALLVILLE.

Some body saaaaaaaaave me

Blah blah blah blah break right through

And saaaaaaave me

Don't care how you do it...

Etc. etc.


	2. Part 1 Becoming a Luthor

**SHOCK HORROR SHOCK HORROR or The Grand adventures of Clark Luthor**

Chapter 1: The Results

The Kents were all gathered in there kitchen, enjoying their lunch when they heard a knock on there door. They all know who it was and why he was here. They even knew what he was going to say...or they thought they did.

Jonathan opened the door for his old friend and asked him to join them. An offer which Ethan declined with a serious look on his face. The Kents turned to look at each other. Now they were worried.

"Well, you all know why I'm here," he said as he handed Jonathan a brown envelope. "You were all right. Miss Dunleavy isn't Clark's mother"

At that, everyone gave a huge sigh of relief and smiled at the sheriff, but before any of them could say anything else, the man continued to speak.

"But Lionel Luthor is in fact, Clark's father."

Everyone went silent. Not even a pin dared to drop as the Kent's faces were plastered with the same 'what-the-fuck?!' expressions. A fly literally flew into Clark's mouth before he spat it out with a disgusted look and put into eloquent words, what everyone else was thinking.

"What the fuck?!!"

"Clark!" his mother exclaimed, pursing her lips as she gave him 'the look'. It took a while before the boy actually realized that he had even spoken and he blushed, giving out a quiet "sorry" and then turned to look at the floor.

"But-but, how can that be possible? I mean we'd-"Jonathan shouted before he shut up, realizing that he had almost accidentally told the cop that Clark switched his alien DNA sample with Pete's human one.

Pete's DNA...that meant that...

"Oh no!" The blond man exclaimed as the un-oiled wheels began to turn in his head.

Martha and Clark seemed to be thinking along the same line for they all turned to look at each other again, this time with an 'Oh-shit!' expression on their faces.

"Well, since there's nothing I could for you, I guess I'll be leaving" Ethan said, sensing the heavy tension in the room and eager to escape it as he lets himself out.

The Kents continued to look at each other in the same fashion for a while until the phone decided to break the silence.

They left the phone ringing for a while, but the effect of the silent tension was already lost so Martha broke eye contact and picked up the phone.

"Hello? Yes, Mr. Luthor," at that Kent men turned to listen. "Yes, we just got them. Yes. Yes. OK, we'll be there Mr. Luthor." Then she hung up and turned to her family. "Lionel Luthor wants us over for dinner at the mansion tomorrow. He just got the results and wants to have a talk with Clark."

Her face was as pale as the rest of her family and Jonathan slumped down onto the sofa.

"What are we going to do?" Clark asked as he looked to his parents, hoping for answers he'll never get.

"Well, I suppose we have dinner at the mansion tomorrow." Martha replied. It was clearly not the answer Clark had been looking for.

"Can't we just ask for a retest?" Jonathan asked.

"Not without Lionel's permission, we could try asking him but he might get suspicious or offended since he seemed rather happy about being Clark's father. And if we do get permission, whose DNA are we going to use? If it comes out completely different they might realize that there's been a switch."

"So what are we going to do? Accept that he's Clark's father now? Isn't it bad enough that he owns almost everything in this town? Now he has my Clark too? This is a conspiracy. A conspiracy! Part of Lionel Luthor's plan to take over the world!" Jonathan shouted angrily.

"Jonathan calm down. There's really nothing we can do, at least not now. So maybe we should just go to dinner with him and see how it goes." Once again Martha was the calm one in the family.

"What about Pete?" Clark cut in.

"What about him?"

"It's his DNA. Don't you think he should know the results?"

"But Clark, Pete hates Lionel. He'll probably kill himself if he finds out. You know that."

"But he'll find out about the results sooner or later, dad."

Jonathan moved closer to give his son a pat on the back. "Well son, I suppose you'll have to go tell Pete then."

Clark sighed loudly before nodding defeatedly. He pulled on his denim jacket before speeding off to see his friend.

* * *

"So..." Clark started as he shifted nervously on his best friend's sofa. Pete was currently looking at him with a goofy grin on his face.. Clark wondered if he'd ever see it again after he told him.

"So you wanna shoot some hoops man?" Pete asked, bouncing the orange ball between his legs. When Clark gave him a grim expression, his face instantly became more serious.

"Clark, what's wrong?"

"Well...um. I-I don't know how to say this Pete, but, um. OK, here goes...I got the DNA results. It matched with Lionel Luthor's."

Pete's eyes widen in shock for a few minutes. Then he burst out laughing. Hysterically.

"Pete? Pete, are you alright?" This wasn't the reaction he'd expected and he wondered if he'd just pushed his friend over the edge.

Pete sobered after a few (very long) minutes.

"Good one Clark. I mean, I almost believed you there for a second. Damn you deserve an Oscar for that."

Clark bit his lips. "Actually, I wasn't kidding," he said as he handed the brown envelope to his friend.

The boy took it and looked at it for a while. Then fainted.

* * *

"Whoa! I just had the strangest dream" Pete slurred as his eyes flutter open.

"Pete, how many fingers am I holding up?" Clark asked as he held up three fingers.

"Six. Anyway Clark, in this dream-"

"You were Lionel Luthor's son" Clark finished for him.

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"Cause it's not a dream." Clark handed the envelope to his friend again.

The guy looked at it. Then fainted. Again

* * *

A few hours later, Pete stirred.

"Man was that a dream?" he said sluggishly.

"No, it wasn't." Clark replied.

"So I did make out with Denise Richards?" Pete said with a grin.

"Um, no that was probably a dream."

"Oh, too bad. So, what are you doing here man? Been waiting long? Sorry I dosed off. "

"Pete. IcameheretotellyouthatIgottheresultsfortheDNAtestbackandthatyou'reLionelLuthor'sson." He said all this in one breath and handed the envelope, once again to his friend. "I'm not kidding."

Pete fainted. AGAIN!

* * *

It was dark by the time Pete was up again, and this time Clark looked straight at him in the eye. He had the envelope in his hand.

"Pete. DON'T FAINT"

Pete saw the envelope. And fainted.

Clark gave a very frustrated sigh. He was through with his friend's narcoleptic episode. He knew the news was shocking, but not enough to make you faint EVERY TIME YOU HEAR IT.

Who knew Pete Ross was such a drama queen.

Clark started hitting his head on the table, before he remembered how hard his head actually was and decided against it. So instead, he super-speeded back to the barn. His friend will have to come to terms with the news eventually.

* * *

Once Clark was back in the barn, he leaped silently (as silently as he can that is) up to his 'Fortress of Solitude' and began to strip.

Nobody else know this, but Clark is actually practicing to become a nudist.

He had discovered nudism when he had looked through the mail last year and found a brochure advertising a Nudist Colony. It had been sent to the wrong address but after reading it, Clark thought it was a good idea. It wasn't a perverted thing, but actually a place where everyone accepted each other as well as themselves. A place where people had literally, nothing to hide. Clark figured, it might help him with his shyness and also help him deal with his secrets.

Like, naked therapy.

And it wasn't like Clark had a sense when it comes to clothing anyway.

Clark had been practicing this by walking around naked in the barn or super-sonicing naked around the barn. But he had never actually let anyone see him naked before. He was still too shy and too quick to be caught with his pants down.

He usually calmer when he was naked and this situation needed much calming. So he was walking around butt naked when he realized that he wasn't alone.

"Clark!?!"

The boy spun around to meet with the pink clad Lana Lang. It was too late to get dressed now.

"Lana...hi" He had a dear caught in head light look on his face and his entire body turned crimson.

Lana bit her pretty pink lips and raised her eyebrow, gesturing to his, still uncovered, dangly bits.

"Oh", Clark exclaimed as he grabbed the nearest object. Which happened to be a piece of steak his mum left for him since he missed dinner.

Lana's face was also crimson as she continued to look at him. And she burst out laughing.

"I like your meat Clark." She said between chokes of laughter.

Then Clark realized what he held in his hands. His blushed became an even deeper shade of red as he looked to the floor and put the meat down and instead, grabbed the nearest pillow. The pillow was now dirty, but he could worry about that later.

"I-I...um, I was, uh, just, I was, a-about to change." Clark stuttered for the millionth time that day.

"Well, I-uh, I suppose I should be turning around then." She said with a smile on her face. Yet she didn't turn around.

Now it was Clark's turn to bite his pretty pink lips and raise his eyebrow, gesturing for her to turn around.

"Oh, "Lana exclaimed as she turned around. But she had a compact mirror in her hand and used it to look at Clark's ass.

"Ok you can turn around now," Clark said once he was clothes. "So, what are you doing here?"

"I just, needed to get out of the house you know. I'm sorry I just barged in like this, your parents said I could wait for you here."

"Oh, well you're always welcomed." He said as he gestured for the girl to sit down.

"So what's up?" Lana said as she sat down.

Clark sighed again, also for the millionth time that day. "Well, the DNA results came out today."

"So was your prediction right?"

"Well, kinda. According to the test, Miss Dunleavy isn't my mother but Lionel Luthor is my father."

Lana's eyes widen. "Wow, well that's a shock" she said, stating the obvious as she puts her arms around Clark in a 'comforting' manner. Her small limps, barely going around his broad chest.

"Tell that to Pete, he fainted when I told him."

"Really? Too bad missed that...So, what are you going to do?"

"I'm meeting with Lionel Luthor at the mansion tomorrow. Other than that, I have no idea."

"Well, I guess you'll just have to take it as it comes."

"Yeah," Clark said softly as Lana curled around him on the sofa. Her hands playing with his curls.

Inwardly Lana smirked, barely able to control her snicker. Not only did she get to see him naked, but she also found out that playboy billionaire Lex Luthor, was out of 'the race'. Now that Lex is related to Clark, there's no way he'd make a move on him. And if he did, he'll probably be rejected.

Which puts him even more out of the league for Clark than her.

Lana Lang had always known of Clark's crush on her, but he never know that she felt the same about him. The only reason Lana never let herself get too close to him was because she had a secret. A big secret.

Lana Lang had a dick.

She wasn't born with it or anything. But it was after the meteor shower that it happened. The meteors mutated her and now she was a bisexual...literally. That's why she never went out with Clark. The girl knew that she had a beautiful body, but when it comes down to it, who would date a girl with a dick?

So she never went after Clark and tried to keep herself on the pedestal, being the perfect princess in everyone's eyes.

Whitney was an exception. Whitney was as straight as a U-turn curve. And Whitney knew her secret.

It happened just before high school, when Whitney came to visit her and accidentally walked in on her in the bathroom. And since Whitney discovered her secret, he decided to tell her his. So he came out to her, telling her that he was gay and having a crush on, who else but Clark Kent. After that, Whitney became her secret 'gay best friend'.

So, they made a deal with each other. Lana would pretend to be Whitney's girlfriend so no one will suspect that he's gay and in turn, Lana would become the most popular girl in school. Something that she had thought she wanted then. They also agreed that neither of them would make a move on Clark or their secret, is out. And that was how it had always been

That was until she realized that Clark had a secret too. A big one.

One that she hoped would make hers pale in comparison. So she decided, if she could get Clark to tell her his secret, she might be able to get him to date her, despite her own secret. So she broke the pact she made with Whitney and made a move.

Unfortunately, Whitney found out about it and wanted revenge.

That led on to the 'scarecrow' incident. He knew the only thing would affect her other than spilling her secret would be to hurt Clark. And he did.

She was so mad at him when she found out. And Mr. Perfect had to go and save life too. Not only proving that he was brave but also that he was forgiving and caring too. That and he made Whitney go all swooney for days.

Eventually Lana forgave him. He was her best friend after all and Clark seemed alright after the scarecrow thing. And since they both made a move on Clark by then, they figured they were even. Not that Clark noticed Whitney was hitting on him with a sledge hammer, that was part of what he loved about him. She doubt he'll even notice if he'd hit on him with a real sledge hammer. The man was as strong and as thick as a brick wall. Kinda like Whitney actually.

The thick part. Not the strong part.

Anyway, after that they both made a deal. Whoever got Clark to tell them his secret first gets to have him. And since then both of them had been trying to get Clark to spill. Which he didn't, no matter how many times he'd save both of their lives.

Then Whitney's father died, and everything changed. And now Whitney's joined the marines.

God she missed him. Missed their little fights, missed talking to him. She even missed his gloating about how he got to see Clark in his boxers and she didn't. She was going to have to write to him. He'll be so jealous when he finds out she got to see Clark completely naked, she thought as she watched the buzzing TV screen in front of her.

Clark had turned on a movie and was currently throwing popcorn into his mouth. His body was warm next to hers and she moved just a little closer.

So since Lex is Clark's brother and Whitney is in the marines, there's only Chloe to worry about. And Clark's not even interested in her for some weird unexplained reason. I mean she has a really curvy and hot body and despite the occasional snarkyness she's still one of the nicest person she knew. Oh well, that just means more of Clark for her. And she realized, despite everything that had happened, this was still one of her best weeks ever.

She looked up at Clark again. Yeah, Whitney would definitely be jealous of her.

TBC


	3. Pt1, Chapter 2: First day as a Luthor

Chapter 2: First day as a Luthor

Next morning

Clark woke up as he smashed yet another alarm clock. Why did he even bother with them anyway? It's not like he needed to take the bus to get to school. It took him a while to clear through the haziness of the morning before he remembered what had happened yesterday.

He wondered what Lionel was going to say to him at dinner tonight.

That was when he heard the honking of a car. He looked outside and saw that it was Lex. Clothed in his usual purple shirt and black suit that probably cost more than their farm.

Clark quickly threw on some random bits of clothing and went out to meet him.

"Hey Lex, what are you doing here this early in the morning?"

"I have an early meeting today at the plant. Thought I'd drop my brother off at school first." Lex said with cheerfulness.

Clark winced at the word. He knew that Lex had once said that he was like a brother to him, but this was just a little too sudden. He still hadn't even talked to Lionel Luthor yet. Besides, it was Pete who's Lex's brother, not him.

"Um, well I haven't had my breakfast yet and-"

"Oh, well what would you like? It's still early for school. I'm sure we could find a shop somewhere."

"Actually I think my mum made me something."

"Oh great. Mind if I join?"

"Um...ok," Clark said, a little uneasily. There was something very strange about Lex this morning. At first he couldn't quite put his fingers on it, but after a few minutes he realized what it was.

Lex was happy. And not just a little happy, he was cheerful. And giddy.

The apocalypse must be very near.

They both entered the house to the smell of Martha Kent's cooking

Martha smiled as she saw them enter.

"Hello Lex, What brings you here this early in the morning?" She asked cheerfully and Lex gave her a bright, almost childish smile. At that Martha pursed her lips and looked at him questioningly.

"You're spying for your father aren't you?" Jonathan asked suspiciously. "Don't think I don't know what you Luthors are up to. You won't find anything here boy so you should just go back to your father and tell him that I'm on to him. I know what evil plot he's cooking up and I assure you, I will stop him!"

Lex' face instantly became more serious.

"I am not my father."

"Of course you're not honey," Martha cut in, sensing the rising tension in the room as she put her arms around his shoulders and gestured for the young man to join their table. Lex complied as he gave her another smile.

"He has A LOT more hair than you do." She added.

Lex smile faded into a slight frown, but he hid it by putting food into his mouth.

* * *

The overpriced sports car stopped with a screech in front of Smallville High as the swarm of students turned their way. Clark stepped out of the car and realized that he was being stared at. He checked himself in the car mirror wondering what was wrong. He looked exactly like he always did so he just shrugged. Smallville is weird, he thought to himself as he said good bye to his friend.

"See ya at dinner Lex." He said as he turned to walk away.

"Take care, Julian," came the shouted reply.

Clark paused.

"What did you just call me?"

"I said 'take care, Clark'. Why?"

"Oh, um...nothing, I guess, I just thought you said something else."

"Alright. Bye Julian," Lex said as the car sped off at suicidal speed.

Clark blinked twice. He stared at the dust track following the car. Then he shrugged it off and headed inside the building of the school. All eyes were still following him.

* * *

"Hey Clark," a random jock greeted him as he entered. The boy looked back at him strangely.

"Do I know you?"

"What, you don't remember me? I'm Sean. Remember, we played football together last year."

"Oh, well-"

"Hey Clark, how's it going my man?" said another random person Clark didn't remember as he tried to get him to do a complicated handshake.

"Who are you?"

Before the rapper wannabe could reply another guy cut in.

"Hey Clark, remember me I'm in your English class." The geeky guy said.

"HEY CLARK!" a familiar voice rose from the crowd.

"Pete!" Clark shouted back in relief as he fought his way from the, suddenly very friendly people, to his best friend.

"What's happening there Clark? It looked like you were being smothered."

"No idea, but I think we should go find shelter before-"

The bell rang. It was the most horrible sound ever created on the planet. Yet Clark was grateful to be saved by it as he headed to homeroom.

* * *

His partial sanctuary was shattered as the bell rang once again, announcing that it was time for lunch. Though Clark was bored to death by his classes, he was still more disturbed by the looks people were giving him. The looks varied from fascination, over-friendliness, jealousy, open flirtation to open hatred, depending on the person. And all of them disturbed him. He wasn't used to being constantly gawked at; he was usually the one who gawked (mostly at Lana or Lex).

Why couldn't he just run home, strip and then curl up in his bed? He thought this with a pout on his face as he headed towards the cafeteria with Pete, who still didn't know about the DNA results.

The eyes were still on him as he ate his meal. Clark was so zoned out, he didn't notice the person standing behind him.

"Hi Clark," a seductive voice sounded behind him. Clark felt long manicured fingers sliding down his back.

"H-hi," Clark stuttered as he turned to stared at the scantily clad blond girl.

"I'm Clarice," she said huskily as she moved even closer to him. "I've always thought you were hot Clark. Wanna go out with me?"

"Shove off bitch," an equally slutty looking brunette interrupted as she literally shoved the blond away. "Luthor's mine," she added.

"Nuh uh! I was here first!" the blond retorted as they both got into fighting stances.

Everyone around them, now shifted their attention to the girls and Clark heard someone yelling "CAT FIGHT!!!" in the distance.

As the girls began their fighting in oddly, Matrix-esque fashion, Clark spotted Lana in the crowd and found his escape.

"HEY LANA!" he yelled, catching the girl's attention as he went over to her. He decided that he would just skip lunch and just find a place to stay, away from all the people. Maybe the library or something, he thought as he maneuvered Lana out of the cafeteria.

"Hey Clark," she said once they were in a place where they could hear each other without having to scream. "I heard someone yelling cat fight. Any idea what its about?"

"Not a clue," Clark replied with a look of pure innocence.

"Have you read the Torch yet Clark?" Lana asked, but judging from the look on Clark's face, she could tell he hadn't.

She handed him a copy and Clark stared at it in wonder.

**'LUTHOR SEED SOWN ON KENT FARM'**

**DNA test reveals Clark Kent's Luthor lineage**

_The results of a recent DNA test shows Clark Kent, a Junior classman at Smallville High, to be a son of Metropolis multi-millionaire, Lionel Luthor._

_Clark Kent was adopted by Martha and Jonathan Kent of Smallville at a Metropolis adoption centre owned by Mr. Luthor. He is also the only child ever adopted there._

_It is highly likely that Clark Kent will become sole heir to all of Luthor corp.'s assets in Smallville. There is also a possibility that he will replace Lex Luthor as heir to the entire Luthor fortune."_

Clark reread it again. His expression was vacant.

"Clark are you alright?" Lana asked as she looked at him.

Than Clark's face shifted to anger.

"Chloe," he growled.

Chloe was in so much trouble with Clark, Lana thought. Clark could've gone on for days not knowing what was written about him, but now he was totally pissed with Chloe, moving her up in 'the race'. She congratulated herself on her evil genius-ness and inwardly gave a maniacal laughter.

The few people in the sparse hallway turned to look at her. Then the girl realized she'd just maniacally laughed out loud.

Lana gave them her best fairy tale princess smile and they all went back to their previous businesses.

* * *

The Torch office was filled with the smell of espresso which assaulted Clark as he slammed the door opened. Upon entering, he was met with the sight of a completely different office. Though the computers and the filing cabinets were still there, all the walls were painted with abstract looking murals. Lying the desks were clay sculptures, and random pieces of paper with paint on it which also littered the floor along with various other things which Clark guessed, might have been other forms of artwork, if the paintings and sculptures in the room were any indication.

And standing on the ladder in the corner of the room was a girl holding a palette and a paintbrush. The girl was wearing a tight black turtleneck and black pants with matching black, though painted stained, apron. Her long brown hair flowed from under a black barrette as she busied herself with her art.

Clark looked back outside the hallway. He was certainly in the right room.

"Um...excuse me, but do you know where Chloe is?" he asked uncertainly.

The girl turned around and looked at Clark through coffee colored shades.

"I'm right here Clark. What is it?"

Clark blinked.

"Chloe?" he looked more closely at the girl. Yep, it was Chloe alright.

"Yeah, it's me. And you're standing there gaping like a fish; I assume you're not here to hand in your story."

At that Clark closed his open mouth.

"So, you're not still mad at me about the whole, digging into your past thing are you?"

"Um."

"I hope you're not. Cause I made you this."

She handed him one of the abstract paintings lying on the desk. Clark gave her his 'what-the-fuck?!' look.

"This is an expression of how I feel about our situation."

Clark stared confusingly at the seemingly random swirls of yellow and equally random looking dabs of black and blue.

"So you think we're messed up?" He asked uncertainly.

"Well, not so much as messed up as misunderstanding and confusion. But there is also an underlying concern."

"O.K." Clark nodded as he looked at the painting, not understanding a single thing she was saying.

Chloe smiled. "I've recently learn to express my feelings through painting. It's very therapeutic. You should try sometime."

Clark imagined himself dressed in all black with a barrette and Chloe's shades. He shuddered. "No thanks"

"Are you sure? I have some paint right here. Oh, I almost forgot. Along with the painting I also did a little performance piece to tell you how I feel about you. Here, I'll show you."

"Um, actually Chloe I have to go do this thing with Pete, right now. Maybe later," he said before Chloe could start as he left the Torch office.

* * *

In the hallway, five minutes later he remembered why he was in the Torch office. Clark was mad at Chloe again and so he stormed back to see Chloe.

When Clark reached the Torch office again, he was shocked to find that everything in the room was completely different from the last ten or so minutes ago.

Again, the cabinets and computers were there but everything else has changed. Gone were the dabs and swirls of paint on the wall, replaced by posters of the Sex pistols, deformed pictures of the Queen of England and Anarchy symbols. Loud punk music was blaring in the room at a volume that made even Clark's ears hurt

"CHLOE!" he shouted over it hoping to be heard.

The girl turned around, she didn't look one bit like the artist he had seen earlier, but she was still recognizable as Chloe Sullivan.

The long brown hair was now back to its old length and style, but was currently colored cookie-monster blue. Her face was now adorned with small bits of shiny metal in places like her eyebrow, her lips, and her nose and instead of all black she was now wearing a short plaid skirt that was burnt at the edges, a very torn T-shirt with an Anarchy symbol on it and hobnailed boots with really tiny heels.

"'Hullo luv, back so soon?" She shouted through the noise in a fake cockney accent.

Clark blinked and quirked his eyebrow.

"Um..."

"So whatcha doin' here? This isn't about that bloody news article is it?"

Clark blinked again. He could barely hear her let alone make sense of what she was saying.

"WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

"I SAID, THIS ISN'T ABOUT THAT BLOODY ARTICLE IS IT?"

"WHAT?"

"Oh, never mind. Hey, while you're here could you help me put this up?" she gestured to a 'The Exploited' banner she was putting up. Then she lost her balance on her needle like heels.

"Bugger!" she swore as she got back up.

At this point, Clark realized that something was deeply wrong with Chloe and retreated out of the room.

* * *

"You're shittin' me man!" Pete said as he and Clark walked out of Smallville High.

"No Pete, I'm serious."

"Yeah, right, Chloe, our Chloe as a blue haired British punk? That's gotta be the most ridiculous thing I ever hear-"

Pete was stopped by the sound of bagpipes that were playing across the road. The instrument was held by pale hands attached to the body of none other than Chloe Sullivan. She was now wearing a traditional Scottish outfit.

"You were saying, Pete?" Clark asked sarcastically.

Pete swallowed.

"If what you said earlier is true Clark, then I suggest we leave, soon. I don't wanna have to translate Scottish to American, I have enough trouble understanding that chick as it is. Come on, let's get outta here."

As soon as Pete had said that, the blue Porsche Carrera swerved in, breaking the sound barrier as it stopped in front of them.

"Wanna ride?" Lex poked his bald head out of the car as he asked.

Clark looked at Pete questioningly. Pete looked at Lex suspiciously.

The sound of the out of tune bagpipes grew increasingly louder, cutting the awkward silence short.

Pete looked back at Chloe one more time, then looked at Lex. He couldn't think of anything Lex Luthor could do that would be scarier than this, so he got in.

Clark sat up front with Lex and suddenly felt the warmth of slim fingers on his inner thigh. He gulped as his face turned red but was too afraid to say anything.

And then, the Porsche shot off like a rocket.

After a few minutes, the fingers on Clark's thigh started moving. The boy stiffened, afraid to even breathe. It did not help that the one touching him was not only his supposed 'brother', but was also the one driving at break neck speed.

"So, Julian. How's school today?" Lex asked, breaking the silence.

Clark was so focused on the hand, he didn't even notice what Lex had called him.

"It's um...It's fine." He said without thinking as he stared helplessly at the hand moving up his thigh. He squirmed uncomfortably.

"Nothing special happen?" Lex asked again.

"Well, now that you mention it, a lot of people have been acting weird around me lately." Clark was staring at Lex as he said this.

"Let me guess, they were all staring at you? Whispering things behind your back, or trying to be friendly with you? Girls who used to ignore you started asking you out; people who don't even know you started looking at you hatefully?"

"Yeah, but not just tha-"

"It's the curse of being a Luthor, Clark. You'll get used to it one day." Lex said bitterly as the car accelerated to the point where Clark was convinced it would outrun his super speed.

"Wait, what the hell's he talkin' about, Clark?" Pete asked suspiciously from the back seat.

"You haven't told him yet?" Lex asked with a smirk.

"Told me what man?!"

"Um...Well, you see Pete. Um, you know that DNA test thing I did a few days ago?"

Pete gave him a confused look, "What about it?"

"Well, I got the results...It said that I'm Lionel Luthor's son."

It took a while for Pete to process this information again. And when he did, he fell over.

This time Clark just rolled his eyes.

Lex turned to look at him. "Is he gonna be alright?"

"Yeah, he'll be fine. He won't remember what I told him when he wakes up though."

"How'd you know?"

"Cause he never does. I've told him about it four times already."

Lex snorted and Clark realized that Lex had not been watching the road and there was a bridge coming up. Clark had a sudden flash back of his first encounter with Lex.

"Lex, the road! Watch the road!" He shouted.

Lex rolled his eyes at him, but complied.

"Don't worry Julian. From now on, your big brother's gonna take care you." Lex said softly as he smiled at Clark.

This time Clark was too busy rearranging Pete's unconscious body to notice what was said.

* * *

Lex dropped Clark off at the barn after they dragged Pete's unconscious body back to the Ross' Residence. Lex left him with a "See you at dinner Julian," as he drove off.

Clark returned to his room to find that there was a Lex-like outfit lying on his bed, in his size.

He sighed heavily before showering and putting on the outfit. It was a little too tight. After that, he went down stairs to find a paranoid father.

"I'm telling you Martha, this is one of Lionel's evil plots. Once we step into that mansion, he'll trap us all and start experimenting with Clark. Then he'll somehow figure out a way to transfer Clark's powers onto himself and use it to take over the world. Or worse, he'll brainwash Clark and use him to help him take over the world. **It's a conspiracy Martha, a conspiracy!**"

Clark rolled his eyes, his father gave out this speech before or after his every encounter with Lionel Luthor. To his father, even Lionel's blindness was part of an elaborate scheme of taking over the world. But then, knowing Lionel, that might not be so implausible.

"I think you're being just a little too paranoid honey. Calm down," Martha Kent understated.

* * *

At the mansion.

Jonathan walked conspicuously through the hallway of the castle as Clark and Martha followed him nervously. Once in a while the blond man would stop at corners, hiding behind near by objects, then whispering 'clear' to his family before he let them continue.

Clark tried to tell Jonathan that the dining room was the other way, but the man wouldn't listen. Instead, he used the opportunity to snoop around as he ran his hand over random walls and objects, looking for the entrance to a 'secret lab'.

Eventually they ran into Enrique the butler who escorted them all to the dining room.

Lionel was seated at the head of the long table, black shades hiding blind eyes as his hands groped for his glass of wine. He smiled as he heard the Kents enter.

"And so our paths cross again, this time, it seems, permanently."

Jonathan snorted as he approached the lion cautiously, inspecting the offered seat thoroughly for trap doors before sitting down.

Martha just smiled sweetly. "Hello Lionel," she said as she took a seat between Lionel and her husband.

"Clark, son." Lionel gestured to the seat on his other side. Clark gulped but complied, taking a seat next to Lionel.

Then Lex seemed to suddenly appear out of nowhere and hugged Clark tightly from behind him. He looked as if he'd slept with a hanger in his mouth. It was a few minutes before he let go and Clark was sure that if he was human, he would've suffocated to death already.

When he let go, he opened his arms and widened his smile (if that was even humanly possible). "Welcome brother," he said in a benevolent fashion.

Clark just blinked.

Lex ruffled his hair before taking a seat next to him. Again, he put his hands on Clark's thigh.

And again, the boy blushed.

"So, it seems that the cub has finally returned to its den," Lionel said as he looked at the space behind Clark. His hands went out to pat Clark's thigh but ended up a_ little_ too close to his crotch.

Clark squirmed and blushed six shades deeper under the heat of the Luthor's hands high up on his thighs. Neither father nor son seemed to be willing to let go any time soon. Clark gave them both a nervous smile (which was unseen by Lionel).

"So Luthor, what do you want us here for? Another 'favor' from your new found son? Cause if so, I'm telling you now, **_'_MY SON'** WILL NOT BE INVOLVED IN ANY OF YOUR EVIL PLOTS IN ANY WAY!"

"Calm down Jon," Martha said to her husband once again, but she wasn't even looking at him. Instead her eyes were focused on her boss as she inched just a little closer to him. Jonathan didn't seem to notice, for his eyes were also on Lionel.

"I don't know what you're talking about Jonathan. I merely wanted to spend some quality time with my newly discovered son." Lionel said as he squeezed Clark's inner thigh, a mere half millimeter away from his crotch.

Lex gave Jonathan the evil eye at the 'Luthor' comment.

Clark squirmed even more. Which not only caused Lex's hand to move even further up, but also to start gripping him harshly. Clark bit his lips and shifted again. This time the two hands on his thigh met each other.

Lex turned to glare at his father instead.

Lionel, being blind, tried to figure out whose hand it was by touch. He ran his hand slowly up Lex's arm under the table over Clark's lap in a very awkward position.

Lex pulled his arm away violently, though it went unnoticed by Jonathan who was now looking under the carpet and Martha who was trying to stop him.

"I'll stop when that bastard tells me where he hid that thing."

The appetizer arrived, finally. It was escargot, and as disgusted as Clark was at the idea of eating snails, he was glad for the distraction.

Jonathan refused to touch it, convinced that there was some kind of drug in it.

The rest of the meal went on in awkward silence, except for Jonathan's shuffling as he went off in search for something every five minutes.

By the end of the meal though, everyone was sitting strangely close together. Lex's hand went back on Clark's leg again sometime through dinner as did his father's hand. Both the Luthors had Clark in a tight sandwich between them, while at the same time, tried to completely ignore each other. Martha was also edged close to Lionel, her huge breasts pressing against the table as Jonathan sat holding her hand to stop himself from strangling the other man.

Clark licked the last drop of his ice cream off the silver spoon and Lex purred.

"Well, now that we have had our dinner, let's get down to business." Lionel said as he signaled for the servants to bring in the papers.

At that point Martha put a hand over Jonathan's mouth and the other held both his hands. "Please continue," she said as if she wasn't holding her husband down to keep him from attacking.

"What I have here are the adoption papers and other legal documents-"

At that point, Jonathan broke free and sprung at Lionel. He stared into the other man's unseeing eyes, their noses almost touching.

"What do you want Lionel?" he spattered out.

"I want joint custody of Clark and I want him to change his last name to Luthor."

Jonathan growled loudly.

"Would you rather we do this in court?" Lionel asked with a wicked grin and Jonathan growled louder.

Martha dragged him back to his seat as Lionel gave him the papers for him to sign.

Jonathan read it over five times before Lionel grew impatient.

"Mr. Kent, you have five seconds to sign those documents or I'm taking this to court."

Jonathan grumbled but signed anyway before giving the papers to his wife. She handed them back to Lionel once they were. Then Lionel turned his attention to Clark.

"Welcome home son."

Lionel put his arms around Clark. Lex saw this and followed suit. He draped his hands around Clark's other side and smiled brightly at him.

"Welcome back Julian."

TBC


	4. Pt1, Chapter 3: The Enemies

Chapter 3: The Enemies

Clark's body dropped from back onto the bed at the sound of someone knocking on his door. (He'd been floating again that night). Then he tried to roll off the bed. When he wasn't off the bed by his second roll, he opened his eyes.

This isn't my bedroom, he thought as he looked around.

Then it all came back to him in a flash. He was in one of the gigantic bedrooms in the Luthor Mansion which he'd be staying until Lex got a chance to take him shopping for furniture for his own room.

He also remembered his new name.

Clark Julian Heracles Percival Mickey Rainbow Macdonwald Kent Luthor

Julian, because Lionel noticed what Lex kept calling him and didn't want people to think Lex had completely lost it by calling his new brother by his dead brother's name (even though they probably would once they saw his smile), Kent because Clark insisted on it for the sake of his paranoid father's sanity, Heracles and Percival as a compromise for the Kent and Macdonwald because apparently the Luthors had Scottish ancestors. He had no idea where Mickey and Rainbow came from though...

Well, at least he got to keep his first name, though he'd probably kill anyone who called him by his full name, or any of his middle names that wasn't Kent. Lex was an exception of course.

The knocking stopped when Clark opened the door to see a scary looking servant.

"Good morning sir. Breakfast is in half an hour sir, and master Lex had sent you these." He said as he handed Clark a pile of clothes and left.

Clark quickly changed from his dark blue, Chinese silk pyjamas (which Lex gave him last night) to the black jeans and shirt that were given to him. He stared at himself in the full length mirror and felt very odd. There were only three other occasions on which he'd worn this much black. The first was a funeral (in which he'd had to) the second was to parties in which he'd worn tuxedoes (and no one would let him wear red), and the third was when he was high on red meteor rocks.

He felt weird not being in primary colors...

He wondered if he wouldn't be able to wear them any more now that he was officially a Luthor.

* * *

The breakfast went on in an awkwardly silent fashion. Neither Lex nor his father had ever sat down together for anything without one of them being driven out of the room but they were both here because of Clark and knew that driving one of them out wouldn't bode well with the new member of the family.

"So...Um...Mr. Luthor" Clark started, trying to lessen the tension, but not quite knowing what to say.

"Clark, what have I told you before? You're my son now and as my son I expect you to act like one. Call me daddy, Clark."

"Um..."Clark stuttered, "Ok. So...'Daddy'" He kept himself from gagging "Um...What are you doing today?" He asked the first question he could think of.

"If I tell you that Clark I might have to kill you"

Clark looked horrified despite his invulnerability.

"Just kidding son"

"Oh...I, err yeah, err I knew that"

Lex looked at his father suspiciously, unconvinced by his statement.

"Don't worry Julian," Lex said as he walked up to hug Clark from behind. "I won't let anyone hurt you. Not even you, dad." He glared pointedly at his father.

"Well, this breakfast is great, but I think I should be going to school now."

Lex glared even more viciously at his father, blaming him for his 'Julian' leaving.

"This is all your fault, dad" he said once Clark was out of the room.

"Careful son, you're getting emotional again."

"Hmmph!" Lex uttered as he walked out of the dining room.

* * *

"You know Lex, you don't have to drop me off at school every morning." Clark said as they sat together in Lex's Lamborghini.

"Well I wanted to." Lex said, he'd been cheerful and smiling non-stop for the past two days.

"But don't you have to go to meetings and stuff?"

At that Lex looked deeply into his Clark's eyes.

"There's nothing in this world that's more important to me than you."

And at that moment, everything was perfect. Everything was beautiful, and it didn't matter that Clark wasn't really a Luthor or that Lex kept calling him by his dead brother's name or that Chloe keeps changing personalities or that Pete didn't know anything. None of those things mattered, not in this moment.

Suddenly a horrendous crash jolted them both of their 'perfect moment' and into the window. Luckily, Clark was wearing a seatbelt and was quick enough to stop Lex from flying through it.

"Lex, you alright?"

"Yeah," Then they both turned to look at what they hit.

"Oh no! We've hit Bessie!" Clark exclaimed as he jumped out of the car to examine the tipped over cow.

"Jonathan's gonna kill me!" and with that, Lex got out his cell phone.

"Hello, get me my body guard and my lawyer... I want them here as fast as possible...Well I don't know, send them the helicopter...I don't care just get them here now...You know perfectly well what I paid you to do and that's not it....Look, I have no time for this, we'll talk about it later ok? I'll call you."

Then he dialed again. "Hello, yes, we have an injured bovine here on route 58 by the name of Bessie. It doesn't seem fatal but it's possible that she could suffer infections from her wounds...Yes, there are many reckless drivers out there...Yes thank you."

Then he turned to Clark, "There'll be someone here to pick up Bessie soon, and I've already contact my lawyer and my bodyguard just in case Jonathan comes up to me with a shot gun. Don't worry Julian. Everything will be fine. Now let's get you to school."

And with that Lex patted Clark on the shoulder and got him back into the car.

* * *

The Lamborghini was splattered with green mush the moment it parked in front of the school. At least a few hundred people huddled around the car trying to cover it with rotten fruits and vegetables and poking it with their pitchforks. Among them were signs such as 'We don't want Luthors here'.

Lex got on his cell phone.

"Where are those bodyguards I sent for?...Well get them here quicker!"

The principle fought his way through the crowd, handing out detentions as he went.

Then suddenly, a strange and loud whistling sound could be heard through the speaker and the crowd of people disappeared as quickly as they'd appeared.

Lex slowly got out of the car to inspect the damage. After looking at it he just shrugged. "The sound system's not that good on this car anyway. I'll just buy a new one."

Clark slowly got out of the car, looking around he saw that everyone was going on about their business, as if they hadn't just been throwing things and poking Lex's expensive car.

He looked back at Lex who was now yelling at his personal assistant over the phone.

"Um, Lex, I should be going now."

Lex smiled at him. "Bye Julian" he said before going back to his cell phone once more.

* * *

The sounds of arguments rang through the catacombs like chaos on a metal rod as the six councilors in black hooded robes made their way onto the raised platforms. The president was already on the podium in his billowy golden hooded robe as he gave a rhythmic whistle.

At that, the crowd went silent.

"Greetings comrades" the president addressed into the microphone. "Welcome to the 784th meeting of the Anti-Luthor Society."

"Greetings oh Great Omnipotent President!" everyone replied simultaneously.

"I'm sure we all know why I called this meeting and that you've all heard of the recent development in the Luthor clan. Now I know that many of you young people do not appreciate that there's now a Luthor infiltrating our school but as of this moment there's nothing we can do about it. I'm very disappointed that you've acted so irrationally as to attack them. May I remind you that this is a 'secret' society and a secret it must remain."

At that, the crowd of white robed figures went into chaos again as everyone started speaking.

"SILENCE!!!" The President shouted.

"But, Mr. President we couldn't just ignore him. He's a Luthor, if we let him be, he'll destroy our system and community from the inside and then we'll be too late to stop them!" an anonymous teenage boy called from the middle of the crowd.

Sounds of agreement could be heard throughout the mob.

"Yes, it is true, the boy speaks wisdom" a man said from the back.

"YES, LUTHORS ARE EVIL!"

"LUTHORS ARE EVIL!"

"LUTHORS ARE EVIL!"

"LUTHORS ARE EVIL!"

The crowd continue to chant until the door burst open.

"Sorry I'm late, damn Lex Luthor hit my Bessie with his car. Doctor said it's just a scratch but she might have caught the Luthor disease so I had to have him check her again." Jonathan Kent said as he put on his black hood and joined the rest of the councilors. "What'd I miss?"

All eyes turned to the blond man (though none could really see him because the hoods covered their faces).

"Ah, welcome Brother Jonathan. Please, take a seat." The President said as he turned to the crowd. "Everyone, please take a moment to offer our brother Jonathan, condolences for the loss of his son"

Everyone went silent for ten seconds.

"Brother Jonathan, we all feel your loss. For Clark Kent is an upstanding member of this community, who has already saved many of us from the hands of Luthor. In befriending the spawn of Satan, he has uncovered many Luthorian secrets such as that of the mysterious Level three. We all know the risk of allowing an innocent such as him to be in the close proximity of a Luthor. Now we all pay the price, for the innocent has fallen so deeply into the other side, that he even carries its name!"

The crowd went into an uproar at that, but was silenced when the President made a 'cut' gesture with his hands.

"Never again my friends. Never must we let another as innocent and pure as Clark Kent enter the devil's lair."

The crowd nodded simultaneously.

"But, Mr. President, what are we going to do about the business of there being another Luthor?" a person near the podium said.

"We will deal with that as we have dealt with the other Luthors."

"But we barely stand a chance against two Luthors, how are we going to handle three?"

"MY SON IS NOT A LUTHOR!" Jonathan shouted from his seat.

"But he bears their name"

"He also bears mine." Jonathan replied. "Now my boy was raised to be a Kent. He may now be Clark Kent Luthor, but there will always be a Kent in him."

"Then there's hope for the boy yet!" the President said enthusiastically. "We will all pray for him and give him some time to rid himself of the evil. Now, let us consult 'The Prophet'."

The crowd cheered as the councilors stood up, making way for the tall woman in the society's traditional robe and face covering hood except in the color of blood red instead of white. Her lips were painted to match as she floated onto the podium with her crystal ball. She put her hands over it as she began to speak.

"The third is untrue in its bonding with the clan though he doth not deny them for sake of the true kin.

As sibling and son he is their most beloved, he will bring the broken pieces together, joining them.

This can mean both, destruction or the betterment of our kind."

Then she let go of the crystal.

"The Prophet has spoken!" The President said as the crowd, again, went into an uproar as the woman floated away.

"So what exactly did she tell us?" Jonathan asked quietly.

"Um, basically, that things will either get better or worse... I think." the President replied.

"So basically she told us nothing."

"Yeah, basically."

* * *

Lionel was seated in his study, reading the stock reports with his hands as he heard the door slam.

"Is that cheap perfume and morphine I smell? I thought the doctors cured you Rachel. Or is that just your personal scent?"

The clicking of heels became louder as Rachel walked up to the blind man, till she was so close that she breathed on him. Lionel tried not to gag.

"I just got the DNA results. You did something to them."

"Whatever on Earth made you think that?" Lionel replied casually, as if they were talking about the weather.

"Don't play that game with me Lionel. I know what you're up to. I thought we had an agreement."

"We did."

"THEN WHY THE HELL ARE YOU HERE WITH HIM?!!"

Lionel stood up, wiping the imaginary lint (or was that Rachel's breath?) off his suit before reaching for his walking stick.

"Please lower your voice Rachel, I cannot afford to be deaf too," he said as he tried to get away from her overwhelming scent.

"The deal was that I'd get help and stay away from my boy if you gave me the money and stayed away from him too. Or did you forget Lionel?" Rachel was quick to follow Lionel as he walked, cutting off his oxygen again.

"No Rachel, I did not forget."

"THEN WHY ARE YOU WITH HIM?!"

"I'm not Rachel, as the doctors have distinctly proven that he is not your son. Only mine."

"Liar! You switched that DNA sample, I know you did. You want the boy all to yourself don't you? Wanna do to him what you do to your precious Lex. I know exactly what you and that slutty son of yours do; you didn't even wait till after your wife was in her grave you SON OF A BITCH!"

Lionel snorted as his hand found her face.

"As opposed to what _you_ and _I_ did before my wife was in her grave, Rachel?"

"That's different. It wasn't homosexual or incestuous."

"And I suppose adultery is so much better." Lionel said as he gently kissed her ears and trailed feather light kisses down her cheeks. He smirked as he felt her purr.

"I'm going to expose you Lionel," she said breathlessly.

"Oh Rachel, if you had any evidence, it'd be in the papers by now." He said slowly before sucking on her neck.

Rachel moaned. "I'm gonna get you for this Lionel."

"Of course you will," Lionel said before he muffled her words with his mouth.

* * *

Clark's day had been an over emphasized version of yesterday. So far he'd been ambushed, glared at, sworn at, poked at (with a pitch fork no less), drooled over, fought over as well as had things thrown at him (from flowers and footballs to rotten eggs and stink bombs) and been used as a rope in a tug of war game.

Being a Luthor sucked.

Not to mention he had to lie to Pete again. He just didn't want the guy fainting any more; he had enough to deal with as it is.

The clothing didn't help; they'd completely cemented the idea of him being a Luthor in everyone's head. It seemed as though everyone had forgotten that he was still the corn fed farm boy he was two days ago. The boy sighed, he wished he could talk to Chloe but she was too busy practicing her speech for when she was voted, Miss America. He'd never understand that girl.

It was currently lunchtime and he was looking for Lana.

Though she was still the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen and he still occasionally got tongue-tied around her, she was seemingly the only close friend he had left that wasn't going through an all consuming identity crisis (he finally figured out what was wrong with Chloe after some research) or had selective amnesia, and right now, he really needed to talk to someone who was at least a little bit normal.

He finally found her in the school parking lot, but she was currently too busy to notice him.

Lana gave a loud 'HIYA!" as she jump kicked a red headed girl who ducked her just in time and squealed as she was strangled from behind by a blond. It was the blond who'd ask Clark out the other day.

Clark stared in amazement as Lana lifted the girl over her head and threw her onto the floor before a brunette joined in. He looked on as Lana took on all three girls with strength Clark never knew she had.

It made Clark wonder about all the times he'd had to go and save her.

Lana noticed that Clark was there and pretended to be hurt.

Clark noticed her falling to the ground and ran up to her before the other girls could start attacking her again.

"CLARK!" The girl's all squealed as they rushed up to him, pressing their breasts against his chest. Clark pushed them all away and went to Lana.

"Are you alright?"

"I think I may have sprained something, Clark could you help get me to the nurse?"

"Yeah, sure" he said as he hauled her up on her feet.

"Clark, that bitch broke my nose!" a girl shouted as she noticed what Lana was doing.

"Clark, I think I broke my ankle," another girl followed.

"Clark, help me I can't walk."

Clark x-rayed all of them, seeing as they were all ok, he ignored them.

The three girls gave death glares to Lana as she walked away with what each one of them considered 'Her man'.

* * *

"What was that all about?" Clark asked Lana once they were far from the other girls.

Lana gave him a genuine smile. "You really don't know anything do you?" She whispered adoringly to herself.

"What?" Clark asked, "What do you mean I don't know anything?"

Lana looked at him sheepishly, she hadn't expected him to hear that. Oh well.

"Clark, those girls were fighting me over you."

"WHAT?"

"Since you became a Luthor, every girl in school wants to be with you Clark."

Clark took a long moment to process this. His face going completely blank.

"They started fighting with me when I told them I won't stay away from you."

That caught Clark's attention and he turned to look at the girl in his arms. Lana looked deeply into Clark's sparkling green eyes as she preyed to every god she could think of for him to kiss her.

"Why?" were the words that left his mouth his mouth as his lips parted deliciously and Lana had to remind herself not to drool.

"Because..." Lana scrambled through her brain before coming up with an answer. "Because you know me better than anyone Clark."

That was complete bulshit and she knew it. She didn't even answer the question but Lana couldn't think of anything else to say at the moment that wouldn't, drive Clark away or bring him too close. She still had her secret after all.

Clark was blushing. The question? Completely forgotten and Lana silently congratulated herself on her quick thinking.

"What?" Clark asked again

OK, so maybe it wasn't as silent as she thought it was. "Damn, I need to learn to start talking to myself mentally and not verbally."

"It's ok Lana, I talk to myself sometimes too. Well, not when other people are around but, you know, still..."

"Uh! I'm doing it again!" she berated herself before walking off. The nurse completely forgotten, as she wasn't really injured anyway.

So she walked off, talking to herself as Clark looked on in confusion.

* * *

Lex's car screeched to a stop as the red headed figure stood in the center of the road.

"Miss Dunleavy?" Lex asked as he got out of the car.

She was smiling at him in that strange way she always smiled at Lex. Then suddenly, she looked up at the sky in surprise.

"Oh look!" she said, pointing up. "It's a bird! It's a plane!" she gasped "It's CLARK'S UNDERWEAR!"

At that Lex automatically looked up. "It's a frilly thong isn't it?! I knew he'd been stealing them from my closet!"

The moment Lex looked away, Rachel took a syringe out of her pocket and plunged it into the side of his neck.

Lex winced before falling to the ground, completely unconscious.

* * *

Lex woke up with the worst hangover he ever remembered having. He hadn't had one in years so he figured something must be wrong. He tried to shift his body and realized that he couldn't.

And when he opened his eyes, he realized why.

Lex was duct taped to a chair in the middle of a very pink living room. He gave the place a quick once over and tried his hardest to remember who he was having sex with last night that got him into this situation.

He couldn't think of anyone.

Then he realized that Rachel Dunleavy was staring at him.

"OH NO! We didn't do anything did we??!!"

At that, Rachel looked at him incredulously. Then she rolled her eyes.

"You are so much like your father." She said to him. Lex cringed and started to struggle.

"No! No I'm not! How dare you say that I have sex like my father??!! Take that back! Take that back right now!"

"I was talking about your reaction. Your father said the same thing to me after we had sex. And no, you little pervert, WE didn't do anything."

"Oh thank god." Lex began to relax. "We weren't planning on doing anything, were we?" he asked, worried again.

Again Rachel rolled her eyes. "Of course not! Get your mind out of the gutter. Damn you Luthors. I kidnap you and hold you at gunpoint and all you can think about is sex."

"You're holding me at gunpoint?" Lex asked as he looked around for the non-existent gun.

"I am now" Rachel said as she pulled a gun out of thin air and pointed it at Lex's bald head.

"Oh, I see," he said before going silent. For about five minutes.

"So..." he started, not a hint of fear in his voice. "Where is this place?" he asked conversationally.

"It's my house. I just bought it. Do you think my Lucas would like it?"

"Um...So what am I doing here exactly?" he quickly changed the subject.

"You are here as a bargain."

Lex went silent for a bit.

"Get your mine out of the gutter Lex!"

"Oh, ok so please explain?"

"You're father, is either going to admit that he switched the DNA and tell the whole world that Clark really is my Lucas and give me custody of the boy, or" she paused for dramatic effect, "he's going to lose his favorite lover."

Lex looked confused.

"I'm going to kill you Lex." Rachel repeated exasperatedly.

"Right."

Then Lex realized that he was definitely going to die. He struggled with the bonds again before he heard the click of the safety lock.

"This is the world's worst hangover ever."

* * *

Lionel hung up the phone with a serious expression on his face as he turned towards his assistant.

"What's wrong?" Martha Kent asked, looking up from her game of computer solitaire

"Rachel Dunleavy. She kidnapped Lex."

"Oh my god, what does she want?"

"If I don't call a press conference announcing that Clark's her son and give her full custody of him, she's going to kill Lex."

"I'll call Clark."

* * *

"I'm on it mum, just tell Mr. Luthor to make one of his long speeches on Greek mythology. It'll buy us some time." Clark said as he hung up his new cell phone and raced to Chloe's office, praying that her current personality wasn't too strange.

The office smelled like weed as Clark burst through the door.

"Chloe?" he asked as he looked to the girl currently dressed in bell bottom pants, a tie dyed t-shirt and a leather vest. Her hair was really long and she had a head band around her head as well as a peace pendant around her neck. She was also sitting in a circle with a group of similarly dressed people.

"Peace man" she said, holding up two fingers as she saw Clark. Then she passed the bong onto the guy sitting next to her. "Come join us Clark. We're just about to have an orgy."

Clark blushed. "No thanks, uh..." he said as Chloe leaned over to kiss the guy (or was that a girl?) next to her. Clark tried to focus, as hard as that was in the face of his ever changing friend.

"Uh, Chloe I really need your help right now. Rachel Dunleavy's kidnapped Lex and is going to kill him if I don't find him soon."

Chloe was still kissing the guy.

"CHLOE!"

"Alright, alright, I'm coming man." She got up and turned to the rest of the group, "Make love not war dude." She said before going over to her computer.

"Hey dude, you sure you don't want any?" the guy in the circle asked Clark.

"Um, no thanks" he replied as the group started singing kumbaya

"Rachel said she bought a house in Smallville, I need to know where that is." He said once Chloe started searching.

"Ok man, I'll like, check with the county clerk man," she said as she pushes at the keyboard. "It'll take a while." She said before going back to her circle and taking the bong from one of them.

Clark sighed.

The computer beeped and since Chloe was currently too occupied, he looked at it himself.

"There's no record of Rachel Dunleavy here C'lo"

Chloe ignored him as the group began making out with each other.

"Alright, I'll just try the name Lucas Luthor. You don't mind if I borrow your computer do you Chloe?"

All he heard was the sound of people smooching. Clark turned back to the screen.

"Lucas Luthor, 1436 Blueberry Park Lane, Smallville, Kansas 67254."

Clark looked back at Chloe. She was too occupied to notice so he super speeded out of the room.

Chloe heard the whooshing sound and caught sight of the black blur where Clark used to be.

"Dude, this is some good shit" she said, gesturing to the bong.

* * *

"UUHHHHHHHHHHH!" Rachel screamed at the TV as Lionel started talking about Zeus.

"Will you just shut up!?!" she screamed at the TV again. "Your son's about to die and all you can do is talk about Greek myths??! What is wrong with you Luthors?!!"

When Rachel was preoccupied with screaming at Lex's father, Lex yanked his feet, twisting and turning until he got them free and stood up. His hands were still bound to the chair as he tip toed to the door.

When the door knob creaked Rachel turned around and glared at Lex.

She quickly grabbed the gun and aimed it at Lex's head and fired. Lex ducked, causing him to trip and hit his head as the chair breaks and he falls unconscious to the floor.

Rachel walked up to the bald man and aimed again.

On the moment she fired, the front door shattered as Clark flung himself in front of Lex.

Rachel's eyes widened as the bullet bounced off Clark's head and onto the floor. She walked over to pick up the bullet and saw that it was completely crumpled.

She looked curiously at Clark as the teen untied Lex.

"I aimed the gun at your head," she stated.

"It must have missed," Clark said as he picked Lex up and onto his shoulders then began to walk away. "The police will be here in about-"

The sound of sirens interrupted him.

"Now" he finished as he walked out of the house.

* * *

Martha took off her jacket before taking a seat at the table, she'd just finished her work with Lionel and it was the Kents' night for taking care of Clark. She gave her son a kiss on the cheeks as she handed him a glass of milk.

"Rachel's been admitted to a private psychiatric clinic. It seems she was addicted to morphine, delusional and was obsessively incest phobic."

Clark's eye brows knitted together in confusion. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I have no idea."

Jonathan snorted and rolled his eyes as he joined them at the table.

Martha gave the two Kent men a hug. "I'm just glad our family is still in one piece...Well, sort of." She added as she looked over at Clark.

Clark looked curiously between his parents. "So dad, you still didn't explain to me why you hated Lionel so much. I mean he helped us with the adoption papers."

Jonathan instantly looked uncomfortable. "Um...son, I think that maybe we should talk about this when you're a little older." Martha rolled her eyes at her husband as he said this.

Clark sighed.

* * *

Lionel relaxed as he sipped his glass of scotch. The sound of Madam Butterfly echoed through the study as Lionel stroked his beard, waiting for his son to return.

He spun the chair in the direction of the door as it slammed open.

"Hello Lex, how are you feeling?"

"Fine dad. I'm still breathing. No thanks to you of course."

Lionel chuckled. "What did you want me to do? Jump in front of you and block the way? Don't be ridiculous Lex. I did as much as I could."

Lex snorted and turned away as Lionel got up and walked over to his son.

"You would have done the same thing Lex. I know you. You wouldn't give up Clark either."

Lex froze at his father's words and shivered when he felt warm hands on his shoulders.

"You know I'm right." He whispered in Lex's ears.

"Just tell me one thing dad. Did Rachel have your baby?"

"Yes"

"Is it Clark?"

Lionel smirked at his son's hesitation. "No Lex, Clark is not her child. Her child is long dead." He said as he kissed Lex's neck.

"So tell me who Clark's mother is" Lex said as he turned to face the blind man and Lionel's walking stick dropped to the floor.

"I don't know Lex. All I know is that he is mine. And he is yours."

And Lionel caught Lex's lips with his, his tongue seeking entrance that Lex gladly offered. Lex held his father tightly as the blind man saw him with his hands, warm tongues battling for dominance as Lex tasted the scotch on Lionel's lips and teeth.

Lionel stopped for a second.

"Why don't we take this in the bed room?" he whispered into Lex's ears as the young man nodded.

Lex picked up the discarded walking stick before leading Lionel out of the study.

TBC


	5. Pt1, Chapter 4: Initiation to the Luthor...

Chapter 4: Initiation to the Luthor Clan

Nudism just wasn't the same when it was done in a castle, Clark thought to himself as he flopped down onto the king-sized bed. He wasn't quite sure whether it was the lack of dirt that was found in the barn or the fact that he could no longer look at Lana from his telescope while doing it anymore. Or maybe it was just the fact that he could hear people moving about and didn't feel quite as alone as he did in the Fortress of Solitude.

It was his first weekend with the Luthors and Lionel had insisted that Clark take the time to learn what being a Luthor was all about. Lex was suppose to meet him at 1:00pm so they could start, it was already 3:00pm and Lex was no where to be found.

Clark was beginning to worry when his super hearing picked up a scream coming from one of the bedrooms in the mansion. He recognized the voice to be Lex's and super-speeded toward the sound.

Clark didn't think as he stopped in front of the door, and broke in.

What he saw there shocked him beyond human imagination...or alien imagination for that matter.

Lex screamed again, twitching and turning in his leather cuffs as his father's cock speared him with punishing strokes over and over again. He arched his body, eager and wanton for the sensation as his own length wept against Lionel's stomach.

Clark's squeak caught Lionel's attention and the man ceased his thrusting and turned towards the noise.

Lex moaned in frustration at the loss but followed his father's blind gaze.

"Clark!" he shouted, but unable to move due to the restraints. He looked back at Clark again and his expression of surprise was traded for that of pure lust.

It was only then that Clark realized he was still naked.

And that his dick was having a reaction.

He blushed furiously before reflectively grabbing the nearest object to cover himself with. In this case, it was an empty bottle of scotch on the near by table, which barely covered it and besides that, it only served to magnify and refract his hardening cock in strange ways.

Lex purred.

Clark ran.

"Wait Clark, I can explain!" Lex screamed after him

* * *

Clark made a pit stop at his bed room to put some clothes on before speeding back to the Kent farm. He tossed himself on the sofa once he was inside the barn. Usually he would be stripping right about now but he knew Lex was going to follow him so he didn't bother.

He heard tires screeching against concrete and knew that Lex was near. He flipped himself on his stomach, hiding his face as he heard the sound of expensive shoes enter the barn.

"Clark?"

The teen didn't answer but Lex knew he was there. He climbed up to see the boy curled up, face down on the couch and couldn't help but smile. Then he remembered why he was here and moved to sit next to Clark.

"Clark... Listen, I can explain."

At that Clark looked up with a blush. "Um...actually it's ok if you don't Lex. I really don't wanna know," he said before turning to stare at the floor, his face burning.

"Clark...I...Well you see-"

"I don't wanna know why you're having sex with your father Lex!!!"

"But Clark, this concerns you too," Lex said a little too calmly.

Clark was still blushing but his expression shifted to confusion.

"How does you...doing it ...with your father concern me?"

"Well, he is your father too Clark."

Clark's eyes widened as he shifted away from Lex. Lex ignored this sign of discomfort and continued talking anyway.

"You see Clark; it has long been the Luthor tradition for the father to," Lex paused to searching for the right words. "Stake his claim on his child's puberty."

Clark just gave him a confused look.

Lex rolled his eyes. "Um...Let me rephrase that. It's a Luthor tradition for the father to... claim the heir's sweet fruits of innocence."

This just caused Clark's eyebrows to knot together in more confusion. Lex sighed and gave up on subtlety.

"Clark, Luthor fathers have sex with their kids" he said this very slowly as if explaining it to a five year old. "It's a family tradition."

All the colors drained out of Clark's face before it was poured back again a million shades deeper than it was before. Clark just couldn't deal with the situation and did the only thing he could think of that usually made him more comfortable.

He got naked.

Clark slumped back down onto the sofa after finally yanking off his boxers and started breathing like he was having a panic attack. It was ten minutes before he noticed that Lex was looking at him. His intense stare was that of starved tiger eyeing its big, juicy prey.

"They certainly grow them BIG in Kansas," the man said suggestively.

It was only then that he realized that getting naked wasn't the best idea after all.

Clark edged slowly away from the older man, suddenly very aware of every cell in his body (assuming he had any) as Lex gave a quiet growl and started prowling toward him.

Then he pounced.

Clark saw Lex jumping at him and out of shock, pushed the bald man off the moment he landed. Unfortunately, he used just a little too much force and caused Lex to go through the roof and into the afternoon sky.

Clark didn't even have time to put his clothes on as he super-speeded out to catch his 'brother'. He ran into the corn field, held up his hand and half a nanosecond later, Lex was in his arms. He had hit his head too hard on the roof and was now unconscious, though no wound could be seen.

Clark sighed in relief as everything Jonathan Kent had ever taught him about precaution repeated itself in his head before carrying Lex to the mansion.

* * *

A whimper brought Clark's attention back to his brother as he opened his eyes and blinked confusingly at Clark.

"Hey Lex, how are you feeling?"

"Like I've been thrown around like a basket ball. What happened? Last thing I remember was..." He let the sentence trail off and looked back at Clark who was now fully clothed.

"I must have been dreaming," he murmured. "What time is it?"

"It's almost seven; we'll have to go down to dinner soon."

Lex's implanted eyebrows knotted together in confusion.

"What happened?"

"Oh, um...well... I...we were playing basketball this after noon, and uh...you fell and hit your head," Clark stuttered, hoping Lex would buy it, or at the very least, let it go.

"Riiight" Lex said, reminding himself to teach Clark how to lie better, but letting it go anyway.

"Well, I'm sorry I didn't get to teach you 'The Ways of the Luthors' as dad had wanted me too." Lex said, once again changing the subject.

Clark blushed again at the thought of what Lex had told him.

"It's ok, we still have tomorrow." He said enthusiastically as he reflected on all he had learnt today and wondered why it didn't bother him more than it did.

* * *

Lionel and Lex were already at the table when Clark had arrived and he could sense the usual tension in the room that was present during every meal they shared together and for the first time, Clark wondered if it was the kind of tension he'd originally thought it was when he'd first arrived.

He took a seat next to Lionel, opposite Lex as Lionel called for the appetizers to be served.

"So Clark, what did you learn today?" Lionel asked as everyone began to eat.

"I...uh...well you see I didn't get to learn much cause uh...well you see we had a little accident and Lex was unconscious...b-but only just a little bit"

"I see" Lionel said before reaching out for his scotch and taking a sip. "So I am to assume that Lex didn't explain to you about what you saw?"

Deer-caught-in-headlights expressions graced the faces of the two sons but for entirely different reasons.

Fortunately for them, Lionel was blind and didn't see them. But despite that, he could sense that they were both hiding something, if not from him then from each other.

Lex quickly changed his expression to that of one lost in thought but didn't say anything as Clark searched for words.

Lionel smirked again.

"Um, actually he did...daddy" Clark said nervously, breaking the silence "Just before the accident."

"I certainly hope that it wasn't the cause of the 'accident'." Lionel said in that creepy way he said things, like he could read everyone's minds.

"It wasn't," Clark said a little too quickly before staring at his food.

They continued to eat in silence as usual.

After the main course the Baked Alaska was served. Its flames rising up as the pure white of the whipped cream turned darker in an almost symbolic gesture.

When the fire was gone Clark dove in hungrily despite the large meal he'd just eaten as Lex watched with eyes just as hungry. Clark's wet tongue cleaned his lips from the white stain of cream and Lex purred again.

Clark stopped eating as he heard it. He was becoming very familiar with the sound and wondered if Lex had feline ancestors rather than primate. Then Lex bit his lips ineffectively fighting against a moan. Clark switched to x-ray vision and saw that Lionel was fondling Lex under the table. Then Lionel, as if he really could read Clark's mind, placed his hands on Clark's thigh as well. Clark gasped.

Then Lex reached over, half of his body lying on the table as his hands touched Clark's cheeks coming back with a bit of ice-cream on them.

"You missed a spot," he said huskily, putting his fingers over Clark's mouth. The boy looked at it before hesitantly sticking the tip of his tongue out, but as he got closer to those thin fingers, it moved away. His tongue followed it until he was leaning across the table when he finally caught it and took it into his mouth, his tongue tasting the sweetness of the ice-cream mixing with the salt of Lex's skin as he sucked on it

He let out an unfamiliar sound as the fingers moved away which was quickly replaced by warm lips. Clark licked at the scarred upper lips as they opened for his curious tongue. He lost all ability to think as the velvet feel of Lex's tongue slid over his. His own fought to feel more of it as the two entwined, lost in the sensation as their breath mixed together, hot against their skin.

A clattering sound brought their attention back to Earth. Slightly dazed, Clark looked down and realized that he had accidentally put his hand into his Baked Alaska and that the plate had fallen to the floor and broken.

He also realized that his pants were definitely tighter.

"Don't worry the maid will get that." Lex said casually as he sat back down onto the chair, acting as if nothing had happened and that it was perfectly normal for him to just get up and kiss his brother like that. But then, for him, it probably was.

Clark wiped his hand against a napkin before Lionel started to get up.

"Clark, Lex, walk me back to my room." He said; the smirk still on his face.

"Sure dad," Lex said before talking his father's hand and leading him out of the room.

"Come on Clark," he called after and Clark follow obediently all the while trying not to think.

* * *

This part is NC-17 and has therefore been censored. Contact me if you want to read it.

* * *

Afterwards they all lay there, slumped on the bed, completely boneless and dazed in their high. Eventually Lex got up, it was then that Clark noticed the blood running down his legs.

"Oh my god! Lex, I'm so sorry. I didn't even realize I was thrusting that hard."

Lex just smiled, "It's ok Clark, I've had worse. You were great tonight." He said before leaning down to give Clark a tender kiss before heading to the bathroom to clean up.

Clark removed the condom from himself and Lionel before slumping back down on the bed. Trying not to let his brain catch up with him. He was too tired to think about moral issues and what this could mean right now.

Lex returned a while later and handed the others a wet towel to clean off before lying down and snuggling against Clark. Lionel lay down on his other side, his hand stroking Clark's hair tenderly as his two sons fell asleep. He gave them both a kiss on their foreheads.

"Welcome to the Luthors, Clark" He murmured before sleep finally took over.

**END OF PART ONE**


	6. Part 2 Mind Readers with a Crush

I was hoping to get more than one review per chapter... oh well. Here we go again.

**SHOCK HORROR SHOCK HORROR or The Grand adventures of Clark Luthor**

_Part 2: Mind Readers with a Crush_

Chapter 1: The escape

"Hey Ryan," the doctor said as he entered and lock the door.

The boy sat frozen on the cold white bed, sterile, like the rest of the room. He didn't shiver, didn't even flinch when the doctor entered, he knew the doctor was coming and he certainly knew why he was here; even if he couldn't read his mind he would know.

Dr. Garner shrugged off his white lab coat, hanging it on the cold metal before leaning over the boy's bed.

"How are you feeling Ryan?" The doctor asked as he ran his hand over the boy's pale chest, removing the wires from it slowly, one by one.

"As good as one can feel when you know you're dying, being used as a lab rat and know you're about to get fucked." The boy replied crudely as he looked bitterly at the doctor.

Dr. Garner smirked as he kissed his chest. "So young yet so cynical," he muttered before climbing onto the small bed.

"What else can one expect to be after reading your mind?" The boy replied, his words dripping with sarcasm. "Don't you have any sense of guilt doctor?"

"Of course I do," he said as he trailed kisses down the boy's abdomen, "I just couldn't resist."

"One would think the fact that I'm dying would at least faze you," he said as he lifted the doctor's face up and stared into his eyes. "But it only makes you want to get as much as you can, doesn't it doctor? Just like with your research."

Dr. Garner didn't reply, instead he pressed his mouth to Ryan's as his hands went inside the waist band of the boy's boxers.

The boy's cold demeanor changed instantly as he began to struggle. His screams were muffled by the mouth covering his and his kicks only worked to spread his legs further to the doctor's ministrations.

The lips were replaced by the doctor's hand as his boxers were pulled down to his knees. The boy turned his head, noticed the IV bag and got an idea. He began to relax as his hands went round the doctor's neck.

"That's a good boy" the doctor murmured as he thrust his erection against the young boy. Ryan bit his lips as he began fumbling with the needle inside his hand, pulling off the tape and wincing as fingers began to probe his anus, but he tried not to focus on that. Instead he concentrated, carefully pulling the needle out.

Then when the doctor lowered his guard, he plunged the needle into the doctor's neck and kicked him off. The greenish yellow liquid dripping into his system, weakening him as Ryan pulled his boxers up and stood up on the bed. He began climbing into the air conditioning duct above the bed.

The boy kept on crawling in the dark, turning corners and continuing until he found an office with a phone.

* * *

The ringing of the phone broke Martha's concentration on her crossword puzzle. She looked around to find that she was the only one in the house, Clark was spending time with his 'brother' again and Jonathan was out in the field. 

She picked up the phone and before she could say anything, a distressed and familiar voice whispered through the phone.

"Clark? You gotta help me."

"Ryan? Is that you? I'm sorry but Clark's with Lex right now. What's wrong honey?" Martha asked worriedly.

Ryan had to stop himself from cursing in front of Mrs. Kent.

"Ryan! Open the door right now!" The orderly said as he pounded on the locked door. Ryan became more desperate.

"Mrs. Kent please. Tell Clark to get me out of here please. Please!"

"Ryan calm down. Where are you? What's going on"

"A hospital called Summerholt. Please, I gotta get out of here please! They're experimenting on me!"

The orderly broke in through the door and put down the phone before laying Ryan on the table.

"Please don't please, don't put that in me!" he pleaded as the orderly held him down and injected the syringe into his temple. The boy stopped struggling and went unconscious.

"Ryan!" Martha called through the phone but was greeted with the sound of being disconnected. She put the phone back down and dialed again.

* * *

"Oh Lex!" Clark murmured approvingly as Lex's mouth bit down on his hardening nipples. It had been over a week since he the DNA results came out, announcing to the world his Luthor heritage (well, actually Pete's heritage cause it was his DNA they switched the alien one with) 6 days since he lost his virginity to Lionel and Lex. Since then it was like a whole new and exciting world of pleasure had opened itself to him and he was so eager to learn more, just as the Luthors were eager to teach him. 

He thrust his erection into the body above him relishing in the heat of Lex's body when his pants began to vibrate. Clark moaned before reaching into his pocket.

Lex grabbed his hand and smirked.

"Leave it there," he said as he thrust his own hard length into it and began sucking on Clark's neck.

Clark considered this.

"I can't," Clark replied quickly before changing his mind. "It could be an emergency," he said as he pushed Lex off him enough to get to it.

"What could be more urgent than this?" Lex _did not_ whine, as he thrust his erection against Clark. The boy ignored him.

"Hello? Mum?"

"Clark, Ryan called earlier. I think he's in trouble."

"What kind of trouble?"

"I don't know but he sounded really distressed, telling us to get him out."

"Out of where?" he said, holding a palm up to the frustrated Lex who was trying to get the phone away from him.

"He said a hospital called Summerholt. I called his aunt but the phone's been disconnected. And there's no listing of any hospital by that name in Edge City. I'm worried Clark, he sounded really scared."

"Alright mum, I'll go see what I can do," he said before hanging up. Then he turned to Lex.

"What is it this time?" he asked knowingly.

"It's Ryan. He called earlier, asking me to get him out of a place called Summerholt, but mum couldn't find it listed."

Lex rolled his eyes. "Alright fine, go do your hero duty. I'm going to go take a very cold shower." He said as he got up and walked away.

* * *

At the torch office. 

"I just keep thinking I missed something." Clark sighed in frustration. "I was so busy dealing with the whole Luthor thing I didn't get to email him as much. I should have known something was wrong. This is all my fault. ALL MY FAULT."

"Clark, will you just shut up with that whole blaming yourself thing." Pete cut in before Clark could continue.

"It ain't your fault! It ain't your fault that the meteor shower hit Smallville. It ain't your fault that Lana's parents died. It ain't your fault that Lex lost his hair. It ain't your fault that Chloe's going through an identity crisis. It ain't your fault that your dad is constantly paranoid. It ain't your fault that Bush won the election. It ain't your fault that there's global warming. It ain't your fault that John Lennon died. It ain't your fault that Elvis took diet pills. It ain't your fault that there's floods in Bangladesh. It ain't your fault that there's Earthquakes in San Francisco. It ain't your fault that Franz Ferdinand was assassinated. It ain't your fault that kids are starving in Ethiopia, or that designers employ slave labor in third world countries, or that the gap between the rich and the poor is widening by the minute, or that we are destroying all of our natural resources, or that we are consuming more than our fair share of the world's energy supply and it certainly ain't your fault that Ryan is missing.

"I know that you're special Clark, but just because some things are out of your hands doesn't mean they're your fault. I know Ryan means a lot to you, but blaming yourself ain't gonna solve nothing." Pete finished as he gave his friend a pat on the back.

"Yes, because what ever happens, it is by the will of our lord." Chloe said, before she started praying.

"Oh dear lord, please help us we are all sinners and we are all going to suffer in the fire of eternal damnation. Cleanse us of our sins, we beg you lord, have mercy on our souls and give us salvation..."

Pete looked at Chloe, kneeling down on the floor. "Looks like you won't be getting any help from her this time, buddy. Try getting Lex to hire a detective to trace the call or something, god knows he'd do anything for you."

"Alright, thanks Pete" and with that he took off.

* * *

At Smallville Medical Center 

Lana rushed to the hospital the moment she got the message on the answering machine. She knew that Aunt Nell had been acting strangely lately but didn't know there was anything physically wrong with her. I mean sure, she was dancing uncontrollably last night, but who would've thought it was some sort of disease.

Lana almost fainted when she walked into the hospital room.

Aunt Nell looked perfectly ok except for the fact that her skin was glowing. Fluorescently so. Not only that, but it was also changing color. The neon green shifting to blue, then purple, then pink within seconds as the women scratched at her skin.

"Aunt Nell, are you ok?!!!"

The women looked up at her niece and gave her a white lipped smile. "Hey Lana, don't worry I'm alright, everyone's just over-reacted. I'm perfectly alright, there's nothing wrong with me... Except for this itching." She said as she continued scratching.

Lana's mouth was still hanging open as she stared. "What happened?" she said as she moved closer, staring at the color changing skin. She hesitantly touched it with her finger tip. Then she jolted back. The skin was moving by itself.

"I honestly don't know. I just woke up this morning and was itching everywhere. Dean saw me scratching and completely freaked out, drove me all the way to the hospital. He looked so worried; I never knew he cared that much about me. Isn't that sweet of him?"

Lana stared strangely at her aunt for a while. Then she realized her aunt couldn't see what her skin is doing.

"So what did the doctor say?" Lana asked, trying not to get distracted by the colors.

"I don't know, they said it was some kind of new skin disease. They don't know much about it, so they're sending me to Metropolis tomorrow to check it out."

"Aunt Nell, do you remember anything strange that happened yesterday? Or maybe even a few days back?"

"No honey, why?"

"Think carefully. Try to remember."

Nell was lost in thought for a long moment before she finally answered.

"Well, I did trip and fall into that Lake yesterday, but I don't see how this has anything to do with that. Why?"

Lana thought for a few seconds before reaching into her purse and taking her necklace out. She hovered the glowing green stone over her Aunt's left hand and saw it bubble. She quickly hid it when her aunt brought her hand up to scratch.

"Listen, Lana, there's something I have to tell you."

"What is it?" Lana asked, no longer paying attention as she stared at all the pretty colors. Hypnotised.

"Well you see, if I go to Metropolis, I might not be coming back."

"What do you mean?" The girl asked, bringing her attention back to her aunt for just a second before going back to the skin again.

"Oh Lana it's not that, it's just that Dean just got a job in Metropolis and I was planning on moving there."

"You're moving to Metropolis?"

"Yes, I was waiting for the right time to tell you but since I'm going there anyway I might as well tell you."

Lana was mad at her for about a second but was once again distracted by the rainbow.

"Lana? Lana?" Nell snapped her fingers in front of the teen who was staring, mesmerized by the spectrum of colors.

"Huh? Yes? What?"

"Lana I want you to move to Metropolis with me."

"Oh," Lana said, not even hearing her as she continued to gaze.

"Lana! Are you even listening to me?! Lana! LANA!!!"

"What?" Lana said once she snapped out of it and tried to turn away.

"I said you're moving to Metropolis!"

Lana finally registered the meaning of the words. "But Aunt Nell, what about school? And my friends? And the Talon? I can't believe you're doing this to me!" she said before storming out of the room. To be honest, she just needed an excuse to get away from the addictive colors. It was making her dizzy, and she was starting to have a headache, but they were just so pretty. She knew she'd be there all day if she didn't get away.

Focus Lana focus, she told herself as she tried to bring her attention back to the whole, NOT moving to Metropolis thing.

* * *

"Hey Mary," Clark said to the Summerholt Receptionist, giving her a charming smile. 

After hiring a detective to trace the call and calling the place and being on hold for hours, he'd asked for Lex to call for him and was told that Ryan wasn't there. He'd already tried to get the police to search the place, but nothing was found. But like they say, if you want something done right you've got to do it yourself. And so here Clark was at the Summerholt Institute trying to get the receptionist to notice him. Eventually she put the phone down.

"How may I help you sir?" the woman said as she looked up. Then she gasped.

"Oh my god! You're Clark Kent Luthor! The illegitimate son of Lionel Luthor, CEO of Luthorcorp!" Mary practically squealed as she said this. "I am such a fan of your family." She said as she brought out her scrap book and turned it to a page with a picture of Clark at the news conference where Lionel introduced him to the world as his son.

"Can I have your autograph?" She handed the book to him along with a pen.

"Umm...sure." Clark said as he started writing.

"When I first saw you on TV that day Mr. Luthor, I thought you were like, so hot. I mean Lionel and Lex are hot too but you...It must be all that farm work I mean; you're so muscular and tan and stuff. It must be so hard for you living on a farm with a poor family, I bet you like, dreamed of greater things I mean, you're a Luthor and all. I'm actually waiting for my long lost billionaire parents to finally come get me too. Not that I would dare to compare myself to you, Mr. Luthor."

"Err..." Clark handed the scrap book back to the woman, who beamed at him. Clark tried to smile back but he could only get himself to grit his teeth.

"Oh I also remembered that your brother said that you saved his life in a car accident once. That was so brave of you, risking your life like that, and for a man who turned out to be your half brother. I mean, talk about fate. And-"

"Mary," Clark cut in before she could continue. "I was wondering if you could help me. You see I'm looking for a friend of mine, Ryan James."

"Oh, right, I'll check for you sir," Mary said as she walked away. Clark knew it wasn't that easy, Luthor or not. So, he used his X-ray vision to look through the counter and scan the clipboard. One of them had the list of departments. He scanned it until he found what he was looking for.

Ha, found it, parapsychology, third floor, restricted.

And with that Clark super-speeded off before the psycho fan girl came back.

* * *

Ryan was cold as he lay on the hard bed, but wasn't he always. Dr. Garner had just finished with him a few hours ago and he lay there, like the dead and hoping that sleep would finally take him. He was starting to lose hope as to whether Clark would ever find him when the door slammed open. 

"Clark!" he cried out, his voice full of hope and joy as his crush burst in through the door like a hero, here to save the heroine.

Ryan was smiling as Clark released the straps that held him and disconnected all the wires. "I knew you'd come for me Clark," he said dreamily as he held out his arms.

Clark lifted him up as Ryan wrapped his arms around Clark's neck and snuggled.

"Hey you can't be in here" an orderly said as he walked in. Clark slammed his chest, causing him to fly to the other side of the room, his head hitting the wall, knocking him unconscious.

"Ok, Ryan, Let's get out of here." Clark said as he carried him out.

"Wait," Ryan said, "Turn left I need to get something first, it's important."

"Alright, quickly," Clark said as he turned. Ryan led him to a room filled with videos. The boys looked through them before grabbing one.

"Ok, let's go" he said as he held onto Clark tighter before being carried away.

I have my very own super hero, Ryan thought as he smiled for the first time in two weeks.

TBC


	7. Pt2, Chapter 2: Haboring Fugitive

**Chapter Two: Harboring A Fugitive**

Clark stroked the boy's hair and smiled at the boy who was snuggling warmly up to him; his head resting against his broad shoulder, blanket covering him as he stared into the crackling flames. The boy purred contently, feeling the warmth he hadn't felt since he left Smallville as he stared into the fire place.

"Are you sure Lex won't mind me staying here tonight? I mean, he can get into a lot of trouble hiding me here" he said, trying to get Clark away from here, so Lex wouldn't show up and interrupt them.

"Lex won't mind. Besides, it's my home now too, and I can bring my friend here if I want to."

"What do you mean?" The boy asked, wishing he could read the alien's mind.

"Well, I didn't get to email you about this Ryan, 'cause it happened only a week ago. You see I'm actually a Luthor now" Clark replied calmly.

"WHAT?!! You're a Luthor now! What happened? You didn't marry Lex did you?!!"

Laughter sounded from the door and Ryan turned around to see that it was Lex.

"No Ryan, I didn't marry him," Lex said amusedly as he handed him a cup of hot chocolate. "Clark and I are brothers."

"Right," the boy said, reading Lex's thoughts and knowing exactly what they do together as Lex gave Clark a look. Ryan had to stop himself from growling.

"So, how are you doing Ryan?" Lex asked.

"Okay. Thanks to Clark." He hugged Clark tighter as he said this. He knew that Lex knew he wanted Clark, and he hated the man even more for thinking that his feelings were childish. He didn't even know him; Ryan stopped being a child a long time ago, no matter how he acted.

"So Ryan, what happened?" Clark asked as he pulled the blanket tightly around the boy.

"A few months ago I started getting headaches and nose bleeds. My aunt took me to all kinds of doctors, but no one seems to know what the problem was. The bills were becoming too much to handle and one day Dr. Garner offered to pay for my care."

"What were they treating you for Ryan?" Lex asked, Ryan knew it was out of concern rather than suspicion but still, he stiffened.

"They... they were treating me for..."

"A new kind of brain disease." Clark cut in, giving his usual half-truth. Ryan smiled at him again.

"Right, Clark, can I talk to you for a moment?" Lex said before walking out of the room.

"Clark?" Ryan stopped him before he could follow.

"Yeah?"

'What am I going to say?' Ryan thought. 'Don't have sex with Lex tonight? Do it with me instead?'

Instead Ryan settled with, "Can you stay with me tonight? I don't want to be alone."

Clark gave him a pearly white smile.

"Sure Ryan," he said before following Lex outside.

* * *

"What were you thinking Julian?" Lex asked, once again calling Clark by his dead brother's name, though the boy was already used to it. 

"I didn't have a choice Lex; they were treating him like a lab rat, it was horrible. And I couldn't keep him at the farm, mum and dad would freak."

"Kidnapping has that affect on people."

"Lex," Clark whined.

"Clark you abducted a minor and you're a Luthor. The press is going to have a field day if they get wind of this."

"I'm sorry Lex. I didn't think." He said as he pouted. "I saw him hooked up to those wires. I had to do something."

Lex's anger melted at the pout and put his arms around Clark. "It's ok, we'll figure something out. Let's just do it before dad gets back from Japan. By the way, how did you stage that one-man prison break?"

"Umm..."

There conversation was interrupted as Enrique the butler knocked on the door.

"Come in"

"Master Clark, there's a Dr. Garner to see you sir."

* * *

"Where's Ryan?" Dr. Garner asked the moment he saw Clark. 

"He's safe from you," Clark growled.

"Dr. Garner I'm sure we can work this out." Lex cut in.

Before Lex could continue, the doctor threw a picture at them. It was of Clark, with Ryan in arms at the institute.

"I'm sure the press would love to know more about the newest member of the Luthor family." The doctor said as he smirked at the two Luthors. "I'm not sure how you avoided the hallway security cameras, but you forgot about the one in Ryan's room. Now give the boy to me, or this hits front page."

"No,"

"Julian!"

"What ever they did to him in there, it's bad. I'm not letting him go back."

"Fine, I'll have the police here with a search warrant by morning" Dr. Garner said before walking away.

* * *

"Clark, I'm sorry for causing trouble." Ryan said as he curled up against Clark on the large bed.

"It's ok Ryan; it's not your fault. I'm not going to let them hurt you any more." Clark said as he kissed the boy's forehead.

"So are you going to explain to me how you became Lex's brother?"

"A while ago a woman named Rachel Dunleavy came to Smallville claiming that she was my mother and that I'm the illegitimate son of Lionel Luthor. The woman got court-ordered a DNA test and so I switched my DNA with Pete. I didn't know they were testing Lionel's DNA too, and the test came out negative for the woman but positive for Lionel Luthor. So here I am. I can't even tell Pete about the results 'cause he keeps fainting every time he hears it."

"So now you're a Luthor?"

"No Ryan. I'm a Kent-Luthor."

Ryan gave Clark a smile before finally falling asleep.

* * *

The sound of the press surrounding the gates (many of which had begun climbing in and squeezing through the bars) at the castle was louder than that of a mob during a revolution. Ryan woke Clark up the moment he heard their thoughts and now they were sitting in Lex's office, thinking about what to do next. 

"The police are here," Ryan said. "We should go outside."

"Let's just wait for Lex," Clark said, his brother had left earlier, saying that he had figured out a solution and would be back as soon as he could.

"He's gone to court to get an order to give Mr. and Mrs. Kent temporary custody of me. Then he's getting a countersuit ready in case you get arrested. He won't be back in time though. The police are already here with Dr. Garner. We should go out before they break in...Don't worry Clark; I won't let them arrest you."

Clark smiled. "Thanks Ryan."

* * *

The front door opened and Clark had to cover his eyes as the cameras flashed at him. He felt the handcuffs on him as the Sheriff came behind him. 

"Clark Luthor, you are under arrest for the abduction of Ryan James. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you do or say can be held against you." Ethan said as evenly as he could. He was part of the Anti-Luthor Society too, but he didn't expect Clark to go bad so quickly after joining them, maybe Jonathan was wrong and the boy really was pure Luthor.

"Wait!" Ryan shouted and held onto Clark as Dr. Garner came forward.

"Come on Ryan, we need to get back to Metropolis" the man said as he put his hands on the boy's shoulder.

Ryan flinched away and turned to the press. "He's Clark Kent-Luthor, and he's a hero!"

The press went into an uproar and began writing as Ryan tried to fight down on the headache that was taking over him. The boy pointed towards the doctor.

"That man raped me!"

The crowd went even louder and Ryan put his hands on his throbbing head.

"Ryan, are you alright?" Clark asked as he knelt down beside him, hands still cuffed together.

"He's delusional officer. He has a brain disease that causes him to-" the doctor was interrupted as Ryan used all the energy he had to ignore the pain.

"I have proof" he said as he held onto Clark.

"We've gotta get him to a hospital."

"No, I'm fine I just, I just need to get away from the people."

"Sheriff, we gotta get Ryan away from all the people, he's umm...claustrophobic." Clark turned back to the sheriff who now has Dr. Garner in handcuffs too.

"Alright, let's get you all down to the station and have this sorted out."

The honking of a black Jaguar X type convertible drew everyone's attention as it drove into the press like they were bugs to be squashed. Lex parked it in front of the sheriff. He had come prepared with a microphone and started speaking through the chaos.

"I have a restraining order on the press. If any of you get within a hundred feet of any of the Luthors or Kents or Ryan James, you will all be arrested, now go before I start singing." He said before putting the mike down and turning to the sheriff.

"I have a temporary court order giving the Kents custody of Ryan until the situation can be reviewed and a countersuit ready to be filed if you arrest Clark" he handed the papers to the sheriff.

"And I have a video from a security camera showing him raping me." Ryan added "It seems Clark's not the only one who forgot aboutthesecurity camera,doctor."

Then Lex turned back to the press and when he noticed they were still there so he brought his mike out and started singing in a high pitched and out of key voice.

"I used to think, I had the answers to everything.

"But now I know, that life doesn't always go my waaaaayyyyyy. Yeah."

"Oh no," Clark mumbled as the press started edging away. Ryan had had his ears covered a full five minutes beforehand.

"Feels like I'm caught in the middle,

"That's when I reeaaaliiizzzzeeeee..."

Clark used all the will he had to not break the handcuffs in half to cover his ears.

"I'm not a girl, not yet a woman,

"All I need is time, a moment that is mine,

"Whiiiiiile I'm in between,"

Lex's singing was now accompanied by dramatic hand gestures before he grabbed a white feather boa and wrapping it around himself. The press in the front row were already running for their lives but the ones in the back still couldn't hear him. He turned the volume up and sang louder.

"I'M NOT A GIRL, THERE IS NO NEED TO PROTECT ME

"IT'S TIME THAT I, LEARN TO FACE UP TO THIS ON MY OWWWWWWWNNNNNN"

Clark couldn't take it and broke the handcuffs, hand covering his ears.

"I'VE SEEN SO MUCH MORE THAN YOU KNOW NOOOOOW

"SO DON'T TELL ME TO SHUT MY EYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEESSSSS"

Lex stopped to cough for a second then gestured for Clark to come over. "Clark, my throat hurts, and they're not all gone yet. Help me sing," he said as he tossed the mike to Clark. Clark looked at him like he'd lost his mind but took the mike anyway before singing in a deep bass voice. Being not quite sure how the song goes, he improvised.

"I-I'm not a man,

Not yet a woman"

Then Clark a little braver.

"All I neeeeeed is tiiime and some cash that is mine

"Whiiiiiile I'm in betweeeeeeeen"

Then Lex found another mike and joined in as all the police scrambled away, looking for anything that could use to cover their ears. Dr. Garner was already on the floor begging and pleading for them to stop. Ryan was long gone.

**"I'M NOT A GUUUUUU-RRRRLLLL,**

**"BUT IF YOU LOOK AT ME CLOSELY!**

**"YOU WILL SEE IT IN MY EYES**

**"THIS GIRL WILL ALWAYS FIND, HER WAAAAAAAYYYYYYY**"

Lex found a pink feather boa in his car and wrapped it around Clark too as they began singing alternatively, Lex singing the high notes and Clark singing the low. By that time all the press were gone but the duo was too into it to stop.

**"I'M NOT A MAN"**

_"I'M NOT A MAN DONT TELL ME HOW TO BE MANLY"_

**"NOT YET A WOMAN!"**

_"I'M JUST TRYING TO FIND THE WOMAN IN ME YEAH"_

**"ALL I NEED IS TIME"**

"_OH ALL I NEED IS TIME THATS MINE"_

**"WHILE IM IN BETWEEEEEEEN"**

"I'm not a man, oooooooooo

"Not yet a wo-man."

The sound of the door closing brought both of their attentions back to Earth as Ryan stepped out. He had sneaked away inside the house when no one noticed and came back out with the video when they had finished.

"I got the video, should we go now?" the boy asked as he tried not to break into uncontrollable laughter at the site of the two brothers in their expensive outfits but with feather boas around them.

"Um, sure," Clark said as he and Lex got in the Jaguar, not noticing that they still had the featherboa on as Lex followed the police cruiser.

* * *

At the police station 

"Well Clark, you're a hero...again... and looks like this time you might actually be famous for it." The sheriff said as he patted Clark on the back. Ryan was once again snuggling up to him. Dr. Garner, along with the video would soon be in the custody of the Metropolis PD, the Summerholt Institute was now under surveillance, and after everyone at the police station broke into hysterical laughter, Clark and Lex realized they still had the boas on and took them off.

"Thanks for saving me Clark" Ryan said against his chest.

"And thanks for saving me Ryan," he kissed the boy's forehead and he beamed. "So Ryan, why didn't you tell me what he did do you before?"

"I didn't want you to worry. You have enough to worry about as it is." Clark didn't say anything, just hugged the boy tighter.

"Son."

Clark's head turned as Lionel walked into the police station, Martha Kent next to him making sure he didn't crash into anything in his blindness.

"Daddy, mum," he said as he got up to give them both a hug. "What are you doing here? I thought you were in Japan."

"I flew back as soon as I heard the news. Congratulations son, you're getting good PR already," Lionel said as Martha handed Clark a Daily Planet article.

**'FARM-GROWN LUTHOR SAVES BOY FROM RAPIST DOCTOR!'**

The headline reads, with a picture of Clark with Ryan in his arms.

"We have a press conference in Metropolis tomorrow. Lex can help you with your speech."

Clark gaped at Lionel, completely speechless.

Ryan gave Lionel a disgusted look and held Clark tighter to him.

* * *

At the Talon 

"Surprise!" everyone yelled as Ryan and Clark entered together. Ryan gave them all a fake look of surprise as Chloe walked out from the Talon kitchen with a three layered cake.

"Hello sweetie," she said as she smiled at him and gave him a hug, "Oh look how you've grown. You're such a handsome boy. Want to help me bake some more cookies Ryan?"

She was currently in a dress with puffy sleeves and pink flower patterns. Over the flared skirt was a white apron. She was wearing a pair of high heels and a string of pearls around her neck. Her hair was impeccably curled and she had bright red lipstick on her brain-dead smile. She looked like a wife from a 1950's TV show.

"Um...no thanks," Ryan replied as he tried to read her mind and came up blank. He looked at Clark questioningly and the guy just shrugged.

"I'm so glad you're back," Lana said as she came over and gave Ryan a kiss on the cheek. The boy tried not to shiver; he knew perfectly well what Lana's secret was and why she wasn't with Clark even though she desperately wanted to be.

"Yeah, me too," he replied, hoping his acting skills were still good as he hung onto Clark even tighter. Clark led them to a table.

"So, how long did you know about this 'surprise'?" Clark asked teasingly.

"Since Mrs Kent came to the police station."

"Hey guys, sorry I'm late somethin' weird happened on the way over," Pete said as he came to their table. "It's like I blacked out or somethin' cause I was just standing at a street corner, then I was on the floor and was late for the party. You think it's another meteor freak on the lose Clark?"

"Were you standing next to a newspaper stand when it happened?" Clark asked, knowing what was in the papers.

"Um, I think so."

"Then no, it's not a meteor freak."

Pete gave him a confused look.

"Pete, nothing happened to you. You just fainted because-"

Pete fainted.

Clark rolled his eyes and moved Pete onto a sofa. "Must have remembered why he fainted and fainted again."

Ryan laughed.

"Oh dear, is he alright honey?" Chloe asked as she saw him carry Pete to the sofa. "Should I call an ambulance, or get some wet cloth for his head?"

"Oh no, it's ok, Pete just uh... he didn't get enough sleep last night and just fell asleep that's all," Clark lied.

"Oh poor dear," she said as she started fussing over him "Sleep is very important. Everyone should always get enough rest...Oh look at him, doesn't he look like an angel in his sleep."

"Riiight," Clark drawled before walking back to Ryan.

"It's funny how Pete can handle the idea of his best friend being an alien so well, yet can't even attempt to acknowledge the idea that he might be related to the Luthors," Ryan said once Clark returned.

"Yeah, he can be such a drama queen sometimes."

"Drama queen? I hope you guys weren't talking about me." Lana said teasingly as she brought them two pieces of cake.

"No, just Pete, he found out about me being a Luthor _again_ and then he fainted _again_."

"Oh that's why he fell over" she said as she sat down on their table. Ryan gave her a glare, then he wrinkled his eyebrows and touched his head.

"Ryan, are you alright?"

"Just a headache," he replied.

"I'll go get you some water," Lana said as she got up and walked away. Ryan congratulated himself on his acting once again even though he knew she'd be back soon.

"So Ryan, you told me last time that Lana had a secret. Can you tell me what that is?" Clark asked once she was gone and Ryan looked better.

"Do you know Lana's moving to Metropolis?" Ryan said, quickly changing the subject.

"Here you go Ryan" Lana said as she gave him a glass of water.

"Lana you're moving to Metropolis!!??" Clark asked unsubtly.

"I um... well I don't really want to but Nell she-"

"Then stay," Clark said as she put his hand over Lana's, the girl blushed and Ryan tried not to puke.

"Where would I stay Clark?" She asked in her usual high pitched voice which Ryan knew was faked.

"You can stay with us at the Sullivans' if you like, dear," Chloe cut in. "The house is just so lonely with only two people in it, we'd love to have more."

"Thanks Chloe," Lana said as she jumped on her friend in a powerful bear hug, causing Chloe to slip on her heels and both of them to fall to the floor.

'They'd make a hot couple' Ryan thought to himself.

TBC


	8. Pt2, Chapter 3: Hospitalized

hmmm...5 reviews for a seven chapter story... rather sad. Why the hell am I still posting?

Oh I know, cause I'm a sad person...

Chapter three: Hospitalized

Clark swallowed his saliva as he walked up to the podium. Cameras were flashing in every which direction and if Clark wasn't invulnerable, he would have been blind. The conference was held in front of the Luthorcorp building, Lionel had just finished the introductory speech and the press were already in frenzy.

"Um...Well," Clark stared at the crowd in front of him and resisted the urge to run away, he looked down at the speech in front of him.

"Almost a-a week ago a dear friend of mine called asking for help." He sighed. 'I can't believe I'm actually doing his,' Clark thought as he continued.

"I-it took time to find him and I almost gave up. But I didn't. I'm glad I didn't because I would never have forgiven myself for it. I kept on searching until I found Summerholt Neurological Institute. I was sure he was there but they never let me see him, so I broke in because I had to make sure he was alright. What I saw there shocked me." He paused for dramatic effect, just as written on the paper, after the first few lines, he started being more confident and was speak more fluently.

"Ryan was just lying there, barely conscious in a cold room with only a small blanket covering him. There were wires, dozens of them. Attached to his head and his body, his eyes, blankly staring into space. This helpless orphan locked up, never again to enjoy his youth. What did he do to deserve this? "At that point, Clark started improvising.

"I had to do something. I couldn't stand seeing him like that. So I did. I got him out of there."

"What do you have to say for a country that protects the people that do this to children?! People like the doctors at Summerholt institute who locked them up, never to see daylight again, and the police had tried to arrest ME for rescuing him, why? Because he had some papers that said he had the right to? I was very lucky to have a brother who knows how this corrupted system works, a brother who gave the boy shelter, in his time of need. I might have saved the boy from the institution, but if it weren't for Lex, the boy would have been taken back there. Thanks Lex," The man stood up and everyone gave him a round of applause before Clark continued.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this system is flawed. It has failed to protect the innocent when it should do. But as long as I'm here I, along with my family, will do what ever we can to back things better. So vote for- um... I mean, um...Thank you." Clark finished as the crowd erupted into cheers. Clark smiled sheepishly.

"So, any questions?"

At that everyone started speaking, screaming out questions. Clark took in a deep breath. He could see Mary along with three other girls holding signs saying 'We love Clark Luthor' out of the corner of his eyes

Clark sighed again.

* * *

The next day at the Luthor mansion. 

"Lionel's still in Metropolis and he needs me to be there, but I'll come get you straight after, ok?" Martha said as she was dropping Ryan off. Clark was already in school and Jonathan said he had some 'business' in Granville so Ryan was left here, with Lex.

"You like your job more than you let everyone know, don't you?" Ryan stated with a subtext, he knew he shouldn't have said anything but he couldn't help it.

"Well," Martha pursed her lips, not quite sure what to say. She was certain that Ryan knew how she really felt about Lionel Luthor, damn mind reading abilities.

"Ryan," Lex called, and Martha sighed in relief. "Well I better be going now," she said before leaving.

"How are you feeling?" the man said as Ryan sat down on the sofa.

"Much better, thanks again for..."

"Harboring you? Getting restraining orders on everyone? Or driving the press away with my singing?"

"I'd say the latter but you really seem to have enjoyed it" Ryan said and Lex smiled at him.

"Yeah, it's one of my special talents, driving people away," Lex said, suddenly bitter. Ryan resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"You haven't driven Clark away yet," Ryan said, reading his thoughts and sounding comforting but really wondering why Clark was still with this nutcase.

Lex smiled at Ryan, before going back to the thoughts that dominated his mind the most. His father.

Ryan sighed. Here we go again, he thought, that man is the perfect picture of parental deficiency.

"Your father loves you Lex, just not in the way that most parents do." Ryan cut in and tried not to cringe, he knew perfectly well how Lionel Luthor felt about his son and what they did together. Lex looked strangely at him. Ryan realized it was probably a bad idea to have said that.

"I...um...judging from what Clark told me..." Ryan quickly covered.

Lex looked at him skeptically again and wondered what brain disease this boy had.

"You know, Clark, isn't your dead brother Lex." Ryan said, drawing Lex away from that topic.

"What?" Lex asked, confused.

"Yesterday you called Clark, Julian. He's not Julian, Lex. He may be your brother but he's not Julian."

Lex became silent, his eyes showing pain at the thought of his dead brother. Well at least his thoughts certainly aren't on my abilities anymore, Ryan said to himself as he figured out a way to get Lex's brain off that subject. It wasn't that he felt guilty about reminding him; it was that he didn't want to listen to Lex's thoughts, rambling about his family again.

He said the first thing he could think of to get Lex off the topic.

"Lana Lang has a dick."

Then he quickly put his hands over his mouth and shut up.

"What?" Lex asked as he stood in front of the boy, he grey eyes piercing.

"Lana is a hermaphrodite. That's why she won't date Clark, it's a secret, please don't tell anyone."

Again Lex just looked at him strangely. Thinking back to the 'brain disease' again.

"It was really great you helping me with all the legal stuff," Ryan changed the subject again.

"Oh no problem Ryan, any friend of Clark's is a friend of mine," Lex said as his thoughts went to Clark and what he wanted to do to him once he was back from school.

And very graphic thoughts they were.

Ryan was burning with jealousy (among other things) when Lex turned to him, looking alarmed. A drop of blood fell onto the glass table and Ryan realized his nose was bleeding.

"I'm alright," he said as he blushed, his hands reaching out for the tissue when his head began to throb.

He put his hands on his head as thousands of voices rang through his head. Then everything went black.

* * *

Jonathan's black robe was slightly rumpled as he entered the basement of Smallville High, a.k.a. the lair of the Anti-Luthor Society. He was the only man in the society whose wife hadn't joined with him so he had to wash his ALS robes himself to keep his membership a secret. 

"You called me, Mr. President?" he asked the President of the Anti-Luthor Society. The man was in shiny gold robe with a hood that covered his face and though Jonathan knew everyone in this town he couldn't figure out, for the life of him, who he was.

"Yes Brother Jonathan, I have called upon you" he said. "I have recently discovered of your past with Lionel Luthor along with some very colorful footage."

Jonathan's face instantly paled. "That was a long time ago Mr. President, what Lionel Luthor and I have- I mean had is long over. I have nothing left but hate for that man."

"I know Brother Jonathan. That is why I have a mission for you."

"Mission?"

"Yes, Brother Jonathan, since I know how much you hate Lionel Luthor, what with him cheating on you, using you, stealing your wife away from you and then your son and all, me and the other members of the board decided that you would be best for the job."

"What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to start seeing Lionel Luthor again."

"WHAT?"

"Yes, I want you to start seeing him again and I want you to spy on him for us. Look through his files; find out what his next evil plot is. This is a very important job Brother Jonathan; you could save lives doing this, even save the world."

"W-w-well, I don't know what to say Mr. President I mean couldn't you get one of Lionel's ex-girlfriends to do this?"

"You are the only one we trust with this sacred mission Brother Jonathan. Don't let us down."

Jonathan swallowed.

The President patted him on the back and walked away.

* * *

Ryan's eyes fluttered open and his vision was greeted with nothing but Clark's beautiful face. He smiled and sighed happily. 

"Am I in heaven?"

"No Ryan, you're at Smallville Medical Center. You just collapsed at the mansion, so Lex brought you here."

"Oh, right."

Then the door opened and a doctor with blue eyes and ruggedly handsome looks walked in. He looked Clark up and down and smiled charmingly.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Richard Cox, Ryan's doctor, nice to meet you," he gave Clark his hand. Clark looked a little surprised but took his hand anyway. Ryan glared.

"I'm sorry what did you say your last name was again?"

"Cox, Dr. Richard Cox, Dr. Cox to most people, but you can call me Dick."

"Riiight, I'm Cock-I mean Clark. Clark Kent...Luthor."

The doctor smiled, still not letting go of Clark's hand. Ryan saw this and snatched Clark's hand away.

"No you cannot!" he exclaimed.

"Why?" Clark asked, confused.

"That's ok, you can call me Cox instead," the doctor said, ignoring the boy.

"Umm...sure." Clark replied and Ryan rolled his eyes, put a pillow to his face and screamed into it.

"So, do you know what's wrong with Ryan?" Clark asked, and Ryan almost jumped with glee at Clark's ignorance of the doctor's flirting.

"We don't know yet, but we'll be running more tests on your friend soon."

"I have a brain tumor," Ryan blurted out; hoping to get the cute doctor away from Clark.

"Excuse me?"

"I have a brain tumor, Dr. Garner told me," Ryan repeated. "And Dr. Cox already knows too, he's just not sure so he doesn't want to alarm you."

"Is this true doctor?" Clark asked.

"Yes, but we didn't want to break the news until we were absolutely certain."

Clark looked at Ryan through sad eyes and kissed the hand still holding his.

"I'll find someone to cure you Ryan-"

"Don't," Ryan said, gripping Clark's hand tightly, "I don't want anyone sticking anything inside me other than you.

Clark didn't quite understand what Ryan was saying but got that he didn't want any more tests.

"Clark?"

"Yes Ryan?"

"Don't leave me."

"I won't."

TBC


	9. Pt2, Chapter 4: Final touch

Hi, this is the omnipotent asshole author of SHOCK HORROR SHOCK HORROR or the Grand Adventures of Clark Luthor. Since I've gotten a review by Calicoskies I realized that I clearly have not emphasized my warnings enough, so;

**WARNING!!!!: This story is pure, unaltered RANDOM NON SENSE!!! Any sense and/or coherency are purely coincidental. **

**I am seriously not kidding when I say this. For the sake of your own mental health don't try to make sense of it. That is not its purpose. **

**And people should learn to read the author's notes for this purpos****e. **

In fact, I don't think this is a story at all; it's more like a series of random bastardization of characters and cultures, pop and/or otherwise.

And really, when something has the label 'non sense' on it you wouldn't expect a thesis on the failures of the United Nations' peace keeping would you? Author sighs dramatically some people can be SO oblivious; really, a person **cannot** write this much nonsense without doing it on purpose.

And Calicoskies darling, what are you doing reading a story that is clearly in the 'parody/comedy' section if you wanted something substantial? And yes, I do know what consistency means. Do YOU know what 'NON SENSE' and 'RANDOM' means? Oh and my boyfriend wants me to tell you that your atrocious spelling nearly made him faint. And yes I am a cynic, thanks for the compliment. Also, this is my fifth story, which you would know if you just clicked on my pen name. I also warned people that I'm not very consistent on my author bio page. sighs I guess it's my fault that I didn't advertise it in big bold letters. Oh and I DO NOT write fluff. Haven't since I was 14 and will not do again. Just the thought of writing it is making me nauseous, I need a drink. Author goes to get a drink, then comes back

Yeah, I am bitch and proud of it baby. Also, I'm not inadequate; I just choose not to be adequate. LOL, don't y'all just wanna bitch slap me? Author gets slapped Ooo, I like it. Do it again. slaps Ow! Ok that one hurt.

And yeah, I know I'm a loser for using up my time to write all of this down, but it beats doing my biology presentation.

Oh and, if you guys think this story is inconsistent and is taking on too much now, I wonder what you'll say when I post the part about the army of white rabbits that attacked Lionel and Martha. And yes, that is a teaser. It gets worst as you read on.

Oh, and I don't want to be redundant and repetitive but this story is VERY RANDOM. This means that if I feel like putting a FLYING TROPICAL PENGUIN into it, then I will. And it won't make any LESS SENSE than it already is.

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Author starts singing

_"Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis, _

Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?

It's swell to have a stiffy,

It's divine to own a dick,

From the tiniest little tadger,

_  
To the world's biggest prick. _

_So three cheers for you will or John Thomas, _

_Hooray for you're one-eyed trouser snake, _

_Your piece of pork, you're wife's best friend, _

_Your percy or your cock,_

_You can wrap it up in ribbions, _

_You can slip it in your sock,_

_But don't take it out in public, _

_or they will__ sti-"_

Lana: Hey! Will you stop singing that stupid song and get on with the story already?!!

Author: Alright woman, err, man. I mean woman...um... I'll just get on with the story now... That song belongs to Monty Python btw.

* * *

Chapter Four: Final touch 

At Chloe's house.

"Holy shit man!" Chloe swore as she entered the bathroom to find Lana taking a piss, standing up.

"Oh my god Chloe!" Lana screamed as she put her dick back in her pants.

Chloe was staring at Lana in shock.

"Dude, you're like, a dude!" Chloe repeated the words in awe. She was currently dressed in an over-sized t-shirt and jeans. Lana guessed that Chloe thought she was a guy now. Or at least, was trying to be.

Chloe started to walk around Lana, examining her.

"Wow! You're still, like, way hot and stuff."

"It happened after the meteor shower. Those rocks, they changed me." Lana explained. "Please don't tell anyone."

Lana sat herself down on the bed as the blond followed her. There was a long moment of silence before Chloe started speaking.

"So, um...What do you do when you jack off man?"

"CHLOE!" Lana smacked her on the head.

"Sorry," Chloe mumbled before they went back to silence. Then Chloe asked again.

"But really man, when you get off do you like- Ow!" Lana smacked her again. "I was just asking, I mean anyone would be curious if-"

"Chloe don't make me go kung-fu on your ass. I may act like a damsel-in-distress, but I know karate."

Chloe went silent. For a while.

"So, can I see it?" Lana turned an evil eye towards her.

"YOU ALREADY SAW IT! THAT'S WHY WE'RE IN THIS MESS IN THE FIRST PLACE!"

"Yeah, but I never really got a good look I mean-"

"Urgh!!" Lana gave out a sound of frustration, her hands clawing at her perfect hair before she threw herself onto the bed and covered her face with the pillow. She then threw the blanket over herself and hoped that Chloe's identity would shift again soon.

* * *

Ryan's hospital room was so overwhelmed with the scent of flowers of every type that Clark had to remind himself not to use his powers to destroy them all. They were sent from every newspaper and television companies as well as mayors of every city in more than just the tri-state area and from other important members of society. There were also the flowers from every company that Luthorcorp had been in contact with (the ones that hadn't gone bankrupt or been taken over). 

And these were just the ones kept in Ryan's room. There were still millions more from Clark Luthor fans that seemed to just pop up from every where around the world. Yesterday, despite the restraining order, an Inquisitor reporter went into Smallville and dug up every single act of heroism Clark had ever done in his life and printed it, front page.

And now, they were selling Clark Kent-Luthor merchandise outside the hospital.

'Whatever happened to the shy and invisible Clark Kent?' he thought to himself. 'Oh, yeah, he became a Luthor.'

Clark was just glad that they didn't allow everyone to see Ryan.

Clark had just come back from the Kent farm, having gone there to get some clothes so he could come and stay at the hospital with Ryan. The boy smiled at him as he threw his bag in the closet opposite Ryan's bed.

"I thought I'd never see you in flannel again" the boy said as Clark sat down next to the bed.

"Yeah, I kind of missed it myself. Lex never lets me wear it any more."

As soon as the name was said, Lex came through the door. Ryan had to stop himself from growling once again.

"Hey," he greeted.

"Speaking of the devil...hey Lex, we were just about to start talking about you behind your back." Clark said cheerfully.

"Right, and which topics were you going to discuss? Not how I'm planning to assassinate you is it? Cause the Inquisitor's got that covered."

"Actually we were discussing your dictating fashion sense."

At that, Lex smirked. "Well I am dressed to kill."

Clark smiled at him as the door burst open and Lana walked in with a big box of candy.

"Well I'm glad I didn't get you flowers," Lana said, giving the candy to Ryan as she looked around the room. There were more flowers in it than in Nell's flower shop and Lana found herself entranced by all the different colors, again.

There were just so many colors and Lana started picking them, completely hypnotized and unaware of everyone around her as she began making a crown of flowers.

Then Chloe walked slowly into the room. Her steps slow as if she were a zombie. Her face was covered in a thick layer of white while her lips, her eyes, her hair and her dress were completely black. Her dress was long, flowing and witch-like, just like her hair and her thick eyeliner made her look like a deranged panda bear.

Ryan wanted to scream at all of them to just get out and leave him and Clark alone.

Chloe took a seat beside Clark and took out a note book.

"Hello Ryan." She said slowly, "I will help speed you on your journey to the next world with my poem" Ryan tried not to scream.

"Pain! Excruciating pain!

"Your life flits away, like a moth to a flame."

Ryan groaned, but Chloe ignored him and continued.

"You bleed, you are in pain.

"You can feel the darkness creeping in.

"Cold and numb, now you feel no pain."

"And in death, you shall breathe no more.

"That doesn't even rhyme," Ryan mumbled.

"It's not supposed to rhyme. It's called Blank verse," Chloe explained.

Ryan turned to Lana to see that she had threaded stems of flowers through her sweater as well as on her belt. She also had a crown of flowers on her head as well as some tied to her long black hair. She was currently twirling around amongst the bouquets.

"I love colors," she said, completely intoxicated. "They're just so colorful! Pretty, pretty colors." Then she burst out laughing.

Ryan sighed, then turned back to Chloe, who was still sitting there, looking completely miserable. Lex was taking in the situation with his sharp eyes while taking a sip of water.

Ryan looked over at Clark and took his hand, placing it on his chest. He had planned to say this when they were alone together but oh well...

"Clark. Could you do something for me?" he asked sweetly.

"What is it Ryan?"

He looked at Clark in a seductive manner and kissed the tips of Clark's fingers. "Clark, before I die, could you take me to 'heaven'?"

Lex choked on his drink.

Lana stopped twirling and looked at the boy in the hospital bed.

Chloe was still sitting there looking miserable.

Clark looked at the boy confusingly.

"Huh?"

Lex snorted, Lana burst out laughing again and Chloe was still miserable.

Ryan glared at them, once again wishing he had Clark's laser vision power. He sighed heavily once more.

"Never mind" he said "I just wish we could go somewhere where we can't be bothered. Just fly away where no one can find us."

Clark smiled sheepishly. "I'm kind of afraid of heights."

Ryan melted at Clark's smile "Never mind then" he said before his head started to hurt again.

"Too loud," he mumbled.

Clark quickly ran to get the doctor.

* * *

The castle was big and dreary just like it had always been and Jonathan was trying very hard to resist the urge to start looking for the secret lab or the torture chamber he knew must be in there somewhere. Enrique the butler kept an eye on Jonathan as he tried not to look suspicious. 

Lionel was currently on the upper level of Lex's study, listening to a tape of one Greek mythology book or another.

"Jonathan, what a lovely surprise," he said as he turned the tape off. "What brings you to the Luthor mansion this time?"

"I um...I was uh, just um...you know."

Lionel smirked. "No I don't know. Please, come join me," he said gesturing for the other man to come upstairs.

Jonathan gripped the banister very tightly as he walked up, knowing that Lionel must have a hidden switch somewhere that would turn the stairs into a slide leading down to the torture chamber. He got to the upper level unharmed but refused to let his guard down.

To his left were millions and millions of books stacked on top of one another which could easily tumble down on top of him, to the right was the rail, which he could easily fall off. Jonathan stared at the books, he was certain that by pulling some of them, he would open a trap door. So he started pulling at the nearest one and moving along the row.

"So Jonathan, what's so important that you would voluntarily come to see me? You should know that Clark is at the hospital watching over that boy, as well as your wife. I assume this isn't a social call." Lionel said, hearing the other man and knowing exactly what he was doing. He knew Jonathan Kent all too well.

"Um...actually it is...Well kind of." Jonathan said as he continued to pull out books.

Lionel looked at him, (well more like looked at the empty space next to Jonathan's head) and Jonathan was glad that the man was blind.

Jonathan was halfway down the long row when he stopped and walked over to where Lionel was seated before sighing.

"Lionel, I missed you," the words came out more real than he expected and he avoided the truth in them by going onto his hands and knees and looking under Lionel's chair for a secret button or remote control.

Lionel smiled wickedly at him. There was no hint of surprise on his face and he spread his legs so Jonathan could go even deeper under the chair to search for whatever device he'd convinced himself was under there. When nothing was found after much groping, Jonathan crawled out and Lionel put his hand on the man's blond head.

At that Jonathan looked up.

And he was face to face with Lionel's crotch.

Lionel shifted in his chair, causing his crotch to thrust up into Jonathan's face and the man bit his lips as he realized that it was hardening. Lionel smirked again as he tipped his head down, this time managing to catch Jonathan's eyes with his shades.

Everything went silent except for the sound of Jonathan's breath. Hesitantly, Jonathan moved his hand to Lionel's thigh, before slowly sliding it up. Lionel wasn't wearing any underwear and when he undid the zipper the blood infused cock sprang free. He looked at it hungrily before sticking his tongue out to lick at the tip.

It was a taste Jonathan had been deprived of for too long and he sucked eagerly at the blunt head as Lionel tightened his hold on Jonathan's hair. Lionel hissed as Jonathan licked down the underside of his cock before swallowing him.

It was a skill Jonathan hadn't practiced and he was glad that he was naturally talented, Lionel's cock was thick and it filled his mouth completely as he sucked at it, he fought down the gag reflex as the cock hit the back of his throat and hummed.

Lionel growled, feeling the hot throat vibrating as Jonathan's head bobbed on his cock. He cursed his blindness as he thrust deeply into it, wishing he could see the other man's face.

Jonathan's hand played with Lionel's balls as his tongue wrote messages on the skin of Lionel's cock. He almost slipped as Lionel thrust violently into his mouth again and he shifted his hand slightly.

That's when he found the secret button he'd been looking for.

The button caused the floor beneath Jonathan to disappear and to be replaced by a long winding slide. Lionel's chair turned into a shuttle which shot them both down at a rapid speed.

* * *

The ride lasted only for a few seconds as they both shot down at a speed close to Clark's run. Lionel remained completely calm, his hair flying as Jonathan's scream was muffled by the cock still in his mouth. 

They landed on an over-stuffed mattress and Jonathan pulled his mouth away from Lionel to catch his breath.

"Congratulations Jonathan. You've finally found the way to the dungeon."

"I knew it!" he said between gasps.

Lionel smirked at him. "Would you like to visit the torture chamber, Jonathan?"

Jonathan moved up Lionel's body to give him a harsh kiss, his erection grinding against the other man.

"Which way?"

* * *

The endless ocean of green was below them as the brightly colored balloon floated above the fields. The wind was blowing by them as the orange sun descended slowly from the canvas sky. Peace and quiet at last. 

Ryan turned away from the ledge and back to his hero, who was currently standing in the center of the balloon, completely frozen on the spot.

Ryan walked over to him and gave him a hug.

"Thank you for doing this."

"It's uh...no problem Ryan" he said as he tried not to think about how high up he was. "Ryan, maybe we should spread the weight around the balloon, I mean what if the floor isn't strong enough to hold the both of us."

Ryan smiled at him endearingly before dragging him to where he had previously stood.

"It's beautiful."

"Yes it is, but maybe we shouldn't all be standing on one side of it. I mean, what if it tips over?"

"Clark, relax. I'll protect you," he said teasingly as he leaned his head against Clark's chest.

Clark was hyperventilating and trying very hard _not_ to look down. The only thing he could think of that would make him more relaxed right now was to take off his clothes. But he couldn't go completely nude in front of Ryan no matter how relaxed it made him. He remembered what happened when he did it in front of Lex after being told of the 'Luthor Family Tradition', and that time Lana caught him walking around naked in the barn. They could still be seen up here and he didn't want to appear in the papers again. Not to mention that the balloon pilot was still behind them

He couldn't take off all of his clothes, but what if he just took of his shirt? No one could accuse him of anything and if asked, he could just say he was getting hot.

So he pulled Ryan's head away from him for just a second, quickly shrugging off the plaid shirt before pulling the white t-shirt inside off. He flexed his muscles, feeling the wind on his body and began to relax, not completely, but just enough so that he wouldn't freak out.

Ryan had a look of surprise on his face before it turned into a look of appreciation as his eyes took in the wide expanse of tanned skin. The light reflected off the sweaty chest, making the firm muscles shine and Ryan tried hard not to drool.

Clark sighed in relief, folding the clothes and putting them onto to floor before looking out at the sky, it really was beautiful. 'Don't look down don't look down'.

"Well I know I can't get you all the way up to heaven but..."

Ryan was too busy watching Clark to notice anything else.

"That's ok," he said, not even hearing Clark as he stared at his ass in his tight jeans.

Clark's smile could have lit up Manhattan during a black out. He reached out and wrapped his bare arms around his young friend.

Ryan's knees went weak and he would have fallen over, if Clark hadn't been holding him. 'God he smelt good.'

After a moment of staring at the falling sun, Ryan shifted so that he was face to face with Clark. He caught the teen's bright green eyes and hesitantly ran his hand over Clark's six pack, his fingers grazing over them lightly before finally landing on his shoulders.

Ryan tipped Clark's head down and tried to stand on his toes as he moved up to kiss Clark. His lips were warm, just like the rest of his body despite the cool breeze as Ryan opened his mouth, inviting Clark's tongue to entwine with his own. His whimper was muffled as Clark lifted him off the floor for better leverage.

Clark sucked on Ryan's lower lip lightly before letting the boy down. Ryan touched Clark's face softly, trying to memorize the feel of him with his hands. He smiled tiredly up at him with the eyes of someone much older.

Clark never realized Ryan had a thing for him up until he touched his naked skin. He'd always thought of the younger boy as his little brother and thought that the feeling was mutual (but then that was also what he thought about Lex and he really should have seen it coming but hey, he never said he was the smart one). In that moment when their lips touched, Clark gave Ryan everything he could, and was surprised to find that despite his young age, Ryan wasn't a bad kisser.

He smiled softly at the boy.

"You're one hell of a kisser."

Ryan was still smiling before pressing his face into Clark's chest and holding him tighter. Clark held onto the boy as he felt tears running down his body.

"I wish you weren't leaving me, I wish I could save you again" Clark said, his voice breaking slightly as he felt tears running down his own face, tasting the salt of it on his lips as time stopped for their goodbyes.

"You did save me Clark" the boy said before looking up again, he wiped the tears off the older man's face, he rested his weight on Clark's arms. Then his face became more serious as he stared Clark intensely in the eye.

"I'll come back for you," he whispered.

Then he smiled childishly at him. Clark looked confused as Ryan grinned. The boy moved up to whisper in Clark's ears.

"Your fly's open."

Clark blushed before smiling sheepishly. Holding Ryan on one hand, he quickly pulled his zipper up. It was stuck and it took him awhile as he struggled with it.

When he turned back, Ryan was gone.

The boy's body was cold, but not more than it was before, the boy's eyes were closed and he looked to be in a deep sleep.

He sat down onto the floor of the balloon, laying the boy's head on his lap as the balloon began to descend. The sun wasn't completely gone yet but the light barely reached the boy as Clark stroked the boy's hair for the last time, his tears dropping onto the already tear stained face.

Then Clark leaned over and gave the boy a final soft kiss.

**END OF PART TWO**

Author's note: Yes, yes, I know, all that angst (or what might be passed of as angst) completely clashed with the rest of my story. But even if it's angsty, it's still pretty random to be stuck there in the middle of all this hectic nonsense. Yes, my story _is_ chaotic, and that's the way uh huh uh huh I like it uh huh uh huh. It's a hell of a lot more fun to write than things that make sense, you should try it sometime.


	10. Random Interlude: Chloe's interview

Just to add more emphasis on my randomness, I'm going to post this completely out of context and out of chracter interlude. It was done by me and Evil Vampire Teddy bear while we were chatting cause we were SO bored. I posted it just out of amusement.

Chloe's interview

Chloe: So how does it feel to be a Luthor?

Clark: It's um...weird...and creepy...and disturbing on so many levels

Chloe: Is it true that you're going to inherit everything and Lex will get left out?

Clark: NO,

Chloe: So how are Jonathan and Martha Kent dealing with it?

Clark: Um...they're...well... my mum she's...she's happy that I can get to do stuff that I never got to do cause of our money problem

Chloe: And your dad?

Clark: Dad? He's um...He's fine...He's in therapy but he's fine

Chloe: So how is your half brother dealing with you?

Clark: Lex, he's great. We're really close, closer than before when we were just friends...b-but not that close...I mean. I love Lex...as a brother I mean...phew

Chloe: So he's not planning your assassination because Lionel loves you more?

Clark: NO! What are you talking about? Lionel loves Lex...maybe he doesn't love him the conventional way, but I know for a fact that Lionel loves Lex...as a father I mean. Um...yeah, he um, he loves Lex as a son...yeah. Cause you know, they're father and son after all and any other kind of love would be...um I think I'll just shut up now

Chloe: How did u feel when u first found out?

Clark: Um...well, shocked...I didn't believe it at first. I don't really believe it now actually...

Chloe: Is it true you are moving in and sharing a bed with Lex

Clark: um...I-I-I-I-I...um...(squeak) Well...I..I...I mean...Well, I still stay at the farm on alternative nights

(Notice the evasiveness)

Chloe: what is Lionel like as a father?

Clark: (blush really red) He's um...He...I mean...I...Well, I get to call him daddy...Um...that's not what mean, I...um...Lionel Luthor...well, um...Well, let's just say he's an unconventional dad...not that he isn't great or anything, I mean he is (blushes at a dirty thought)...Yeah, well, um...Lets just say I'm getting use to him, but he's not a bad father and lets just leave it at that.

Chloe: how about Lex? any brotherly jealousy between the two of you?

Clark: Oh, um..Actually Lex is really possessive of me...He'd fight with daddy over me sometimes (beams) um...forget I said that. I meant that Lex is a great brother, actually he's been like a big brother since before we were really brothers...He's kinda overprotective sometimes, but other than that he's really great. Actually I think he's more jealous of his father than he is of me...um.. Forget I said that

Chloe: looks skeptical

Chloe: so, how are you dealing with the new changes in your life?

Clark: Well, I'm taking them as I go along. I mean people have been treating me very differently since I've become a Luthor. Sometimes being a little too friendly, sometimes being completely mean. Actually I came to school one day and had a group of people throwing rotten vegetables at me for some reason...

Chloe: Any insights into the private lives of luthors?

Clark: Insights? um...what do you mean by insights?

Chloe: You know...anything we don't know about the luthors?

Clark: oh...um...well, they're um...they're a lot more 'loving' than most people think they are. And they ..um...they're both very well hu-I mean fit. Yeah, they're both in physically better shape than what people would expect from people who spends all there time in an office. Yeah, that's what I mean, but many women like Victoria Hardwick probably knows that already...um, not that I was umm... I mean. Um... yeah and... Yeah, that's all I think I can share with you on that. next question...please (looks nervously)

Chloe: hmmmmm....


	11. Part 3 Clark in Wonderland

Warning: This is more random, sick and twisted that the last 2 parts put together.

Part 3: Clark Luthor in Wonderland

Chapter 1: Land of the Random

The grey clouds were creeping slowly across the sky, promising heavy rain as the construction crew began wrapping up their work on the open fields of Smallville. Slowly, the workers began to dissipate, saying good bye to the foreman as they left through the gate of the high chain linked fence.

"Corporate Plaza" the sign hanging on the gate read, next to a picture of high tech building with a Luthorcorp logo at the top.

Finally, the last of the workers was gone and Dan, the foreman, closed the gate, locking it securely before turning to go.

He came face to face with a scary looking old Native American man with long white hair and war paint on his face.

"This land is sacred."

Dan looked at him questioningly.

"And?"

"Your vandalism of this land has angered the spirits. Only death and destruction awaits in your future."

"Are you threatening me?" Dan said as he hovered over the old man.

A lightning bolt hitting the gates stole his attention as the electric currents ran through the chains. Dan sighed in relief that his hand was no longer on the metal. When he turned around the old man was gone.

The sky let out a roar as Dan began making his way to his car, hoping to get away from the creepy place as soon as possible.

A loud crash sounded behind him and he turned around to find a broken grand piano standing horizontally on the ground next to him.

He looked at the musical instrument strangely before going to get a closer look. He examined it before looking up at the sky. There was nothing above him but clouds.

Then another crash sounded in the construction area, he peered over the grand piano to find that there was another one. This one was larger and had fallen onto the machines.

Then another crash. And another. And another.

All around him pianos came tumbling down from the sky, crashing into the land at rapid velocity. Dan hid next to the piano next to him as he watched in amazement.

Then he looked up.

The sight of the shiny black instrument was the last thing he saw.

* * *

It has been over a month since the DNA result revealed Clark Kent, alien farm boy of Smallville to be the son of Lionel Luthor and he was surprised to see that he was sort of getting the hang of the whole, being a Luthor and a Kent thing. And now he was going to his first Luthorcorp crisis with his daddy dearest Lionel Luthor.

"Wow!" Clark Kent-Luthor exclaimed as he got out of the limo.

The police were everywhere, blocking the mob that had gathered around the mountains of pianos.

"Oh my god!" Martha Kent said as she stepped out of the limo before helping Lionel Luthor up.

"Can someone please tell me what's going on here?" Lionel asked as Clark and Martha led the blind man through the crowd. The sheriff looked around nervously.

"Well, um... It seemed that uh...It rained pianos last night."

"Please tell me that that is some kind of strange metaphor."

"It's not daddy," Clark said as he lead the man into the site, holding Lionel's hand to the keys of a broken piano at the bottom of the nearest pile. Lionel ran his hand over it, playing a small tune on the battered keys.

"Well, I'm sure stranger things have happened in this town" he said casually before turning back to Ethan, "Any attempt at an explanation of this situation?"

"Well, some suggest that they could have been dropped by a fleet of alien ships. Some said it was a strange military accident but neither explanation is plausible."

Clark tried to look innocent at the mention of aliens.

The sound of tires scratching against concrete came up from behind them and Clark knew, without turning around that it was Lex in one of his fancy cars.

"Hello son," Lionel said as Lex got out of the Ferrari.

"What happened here?" He asked as he stared at the piano pile-up.

"Apparently it rained pianos last night," Clark answered.

"And I thought the rain of frogs in England was bad," Lex muttered as everyone turned to look at him strangely.

"So, what are you going to do about this dad?" he asked, ignoring them.

"I suppose I'll have to hire a crew to dispose of the broken instruments."

"According to witnesses in near by fields, there were no strange lights or sounds, all they saw were pianos dropping from the clouds. They took a picture of it too," another officer said as he handed Clark the photo.

"Well, it looks like whoever did this is a fan of Magritte," Lex stated as he looked at the photo. "Any casualties?"

"One that we found so far, the foreman, Dan Hammond, the piano hit his head and buried him. He died instantly. It happened just after he locked up so the other workers had already left. But we're still looking just to be sure."

"Is it possible that it was a rival company?" Lex asked.

"If it was they must have a very strange sense of humor and too much time on their hands."

"These couldn't have been dropped by a plane, unless it was a military plane and even if they did they wouldn't have fly it into an electrical storm," The officer said.

"Unless it wasn't a real electrical storm" Clark joined in on the conversation.

"Yes, but who would be willing to put that much money into creating a fake storm and buying that many high quality pianos, only to drop it over a construction site after every single worker was gone."

"Maybe it's a warning."

"Then wouldn't it be easier if they just blew the whole place up."

"IT'S A CONSPIRACY!" someone outside yelled. "Part of Lionel Luthor's plan to take over the world!"

Clark rolled his eyes; he had already heard too many lectures on the evilness of Lionel Luthor from his adoptive father.

"NOOOOOOOO! Oh the pianos, the beautiful pianos! Oh poor babies what horrible monsters did this to you?!?"

The loud sobs sounded from a blond girl currently kneeling down on the floor. Her piano patterned skirt was covered in sand and dirt.

"Chloe? Is that you?" Clark asked as he went over to her. The girl looked up and held onto Clark tightly.

"Look at the tragedy that unfolded here, look! I can't believe someone could be so cruel."

Clark was already used to his friend's strange behavior but couldn't help feeling slightly annoyed that his friend had to become an obsessive pianist NOW.

The girl looked up, her makeup smeared down her face as tears rolled down her eyes.

"I must compose a song. A song of sorrow and death, dedicated to all pianists for the tragedy of this day," she said before walking over to one of the mountains. She sat herself down on the floor in front of the piano that Lionel had been playing.

Clark, Lex, and Martha put their hands over their ears.

"Could somebody please get that meddling girl out of here?" Lionel said, ordering the police to take that girl away.

The others sighed in relief as Chloe was dragged, kicking and screaming out of the piano graveyard.

* * *

The sun was boring heavily down onto the Earth that afternoon as Clark took a stroll near the construction site. He loved the feel of its rays on his skin, caressing him gently like a lover's touch. He pulled his Ray Bans over his eyes as he unbuttoned the first few buttons of his white shirt, leaving more skin exposed to the luxurious heat. There was nobody else around as far as he could see and he wished he could take of all his clothing and bathe in the sun. He was a nudist after all, and he hated the feel of fabric confining him.

He was really glad that there were no crazy fan girls around, or he would have absolutely no privacy. He tried to focus on his current task of investigating the strange precipitation by scanning the area around the site, but who could concentrate in this lovely weather? he thought as he lay down on the ground and relaxed.

Then the bush near Clark began to shake.

Clark instantly got up and went over to investigate. He stuck his face close to the bush when a small white creature jumped into his face.

Clark fell backwards slightly, and then he turned around and saw a little white rabbit.

"Follow me," it said cheerfully before jumping away.

Clark looked at it confusingly, 'Well I am investigating how pianos can fall from the sky. Might as well ask the talking rabbit about it,' he thought before following. The rabbit's jump was fast, far and high and Clark had to super-speed in order to catch up with it.

Then Clark stopped. The rabbit had disappeared, he spun himself around looking for it, even using his x-ray vision but he still couldn't find it.

Then it fell onto his head and bounced off to stand on a spot on the floor, it looked at Clark in an expression that said, 'Well, what are you waiting for?'

Clark didn't quite know what to do; he kept his gaze trained on it as he slowly walked towards the fuzzy animal.

He didn't notice that there was a very big hole in front of him.

He took a step onto it and realized that there was no longer land beneath his feet.

He fell into the hole like a cartoon.

* * *

Clark was at the bottom of the hole, having fallen over 100 feet into the hole. His fear of heights caused him to faint halfway down and he landed with a huge thud on the floor of a cave.

Out of the shadows a wolf came up to him and sniffed him thoroughly before dragging him deeper into the cave.

The wolf dragged him through the darkness until it came upon a bonfire. Standing next to it was the scary old man. The wolf dragged Clark up to the old man who kneeled down to pet the grey wolf before examining the teenage boy.

"Is this the one?" the man asked.

Instantly the wolf transformed into a woman with shaggy black hair and a few pieces of leather covering her body along with a thick layer of dirt and mud.

"Kayla want man. Man smell gooood. He big powerful star man," the cave woman said.

The old man examined Clark closely before getting out a knife and stabbing him in the chest. The knife shattered into a million pieces. Clark began to stir.

"Well what do you know, he is the one after all," the man said before picking two lead rings with glowing green crystals in it. He gave one to the cave woman and put the other one on the boy as his skin began to glow sickly green.

The cave woman smiled, baring coal black teeth as she took out a club and banged Clark on the head, creating a huge lump on the greenish skin and shoving Clark back in lala land. Then she jumped up and down in triumph before dragging him off to a secluded part of the cave.

* * *

Clark winced at the painful throbbing in his head as he began to come around. He slowly opened his eyes and looked around. There was a little light spilling from the hole in the ceiling of what Clark figured, was a cave. He shifted his legs then realized that he wasn't alone.

Next to him lay a Native American girl, about his age dressed in black Lara Croft-like outfit, complete with a way too tight sleeveless t-shirt, tight jeans and a long braided black hair. She opened her eyes and sprung up into a sitting position. Clark tried not to stare at her breasts which appeared to be suffocating under her top.

They turned to stare at each other and blinked.

"So..." Clark started.

"So..." she repeated. "I guess you don't know how we ended up here either."

"Nope."

The girl got up and walked over to the opening of the cave.

Clark got up and followed her, when he got to it he realized that they had been in a mini cave inside a much larger cave. The mini cave was also at the top of the gigantic cave. Clark slowly edged away from the edge of the small cave, fearing that he might trip and fall down.

The Lara Croft girl on the other hand, jumped down onto a small ledge nearby, then onto a lower one, then another one and another lower one before backflipping onto the cave floor, landing perfectly on her combat boots.

Clark waited till she turned around and closed his eyes before jumping down 100 feet. He landed on his butt, but was perfectly okay due to his invulnerability.

The girl heard a thud and turned around, taking out a first aid kit from inside a back pack she had with her and going over to Clark.

"Don't move," she said as she examined him, poking and knocking at his legs. Clark resisted the urge to get up and super-speed away, something about this girl was scaring him.

"Can you get up?" she asked and Clark complied. The girl walked around him, before giving his ass a hard smack. Clark blushed furiously.

"Amazing. You jumped 100 feet down onto the ground, landed flat on your ass and are perfectly ok."

"Just really lucky I guess," Clark replied lamely. "So any idea where we are?" he quickly changed the subject.

"Last thing I remember I was in the cave researching with my grandfather."

Clark thought back to what happened before; the last thing he remembered was following a talking white rabbit. Maybe it was all a dream, but that didn't explain how he ended up in a cave with a strange woman lying next to him.

"I'm still in Kansas right?" he asked, wondering if he was also sporting sparkly red shoes. He looked down, his sneakers were red, but weren't sparkling. Thankfully.

"The cave I was investigating was in Smallville. I assume we're still there. So what's your name, boy wonder?" she asked flirtingly.

"I'm Clark...Clark Kent" he wasn't exactly lying, she didn't ask for his full name. Besides, a lot of people hated the Luthors, for all he knew she could be a meteor mutant who hated Luthors with a burning passion. "I never knew there were caves down here."

The girl snorted. "Of course you didn't. Luthorcorp doesn't want anyone knowing about them. And if they have their way, all of them will be completely destroyed."

Clark gave her a tight smile, hoping that he didn't look guilty as he edged away from her.

"So what's your name? Or should I just call you Lara Croft."

"I'm Kyla," she said with a smile; then her expression changed into that of pure wonder as she looked behind Clark. Slowly, as if in a trance, she walked past him as she brought out her flashlight and shine it on the wall.

"Oh my god!"

Clark wondered if the girl had just discovered that they were in the Cave of Wonders and that Aladdin's genie was somewhere around here. Everything felt so surreal to him that he wouldn't be surprised if the Mad Hatter came up and called him Alice.

"What is it?" Clark asked, placing his hand on his head, the throbbing wasn't that bad now, but was still there.

"It's the legend of Naman. My ancestors have passed the story down for generations." She said as she gestured to the primitive drawings on the walls. "It's been written so long ago, but nobody knew where it was until now. Whoever put us in this place must have wanted us to find it... It must have been the spirits that guarded this place. They must have known the Evil Luthors were about to destroy it so they sent us here."

"Couldn't they just fax us a map?"

"The spirits work in mysterious ways."

"So they're too mysterious to make things easier for us?"

"You cannot define the thoughts of the mysterious ones."

"So are they gonna knock us out again and drag us outside too?"

"Blasphemy, do not insult the mysterious ones. They work in mysterious ways and yes I know we've been talking in mysterious circles for the last five minutes."

"You really like the word mysterious huh?"

Kyla rolled her eyes before turning back to the primitive pictograms; next to it were strange hieroglyphic writings. Next to that was a perfectly shaped octagon cut out of the cave. Clark ran his fingers over it lightly. 'So this is where the key fits into' Clark thought. He was officially intrigued.

"Anyway, it was prophesized that Naman would fall from the sky in a rain of fire. They say that he will have the strength of over ten men and can shoot fire from his eyes."

Clark gulped as he began to sweat.

"He can also see through walls and run faster than the wind" she said as she threw him a suspicious glance before turning back to the wall.

"Well, there isn't anyone like that around here." Clark said as he slowly edged away from her. She was still busy interpreting the pictograms.

"He will also have curly dark hair and sparkling green eyes."

"Nope, not anyone I would know" Clark said in an uncharacteristically high pitched voice.

Kyla turned towards him, walking slowly like a predator ready to pounce.

"He's around 6 foot four inches tall."

Clark gulped as he backed up into a cave wall.

"Has tan skin."

Clark squeaked as Kyla walked right in front of him and pressed her boobs against his chest. She ran her fingers over his lips. Clark shuddered.

"And a very pretty mouth."

Clark swallowed again and found his voice.

"Well...now that we have so much info on him, I'll just go and look him up in the yellow pages." He said as he ducked under the girl's arms, out of her reach. He was just beginning his super speed when he tripped over a rock and fell very ungracefully to the floor.

Combat boots followed to where he lay. Then Kyla kneeled down to look at Clark.

"According to the legend, anyone who bears that symbol is Naman's soul mate," she said before pointing to a picture on the wall. Clark followed the finger to a square spiral symbol on the wall. When he turned back to the girl she was holding up her fingers to show a ring made of lead.

It had that symbol on it.

"I- um...well in that case we should really go find him right now," and he jumped right up but just before he started running, the girl had her hand on his arms.

"Naman," she called him.

Clark pulled his arm away from her. That's when he saw it.

On his finger lay a lead ring, identical to Kyla's.

He hid his hand behind his back and tried to pull it off. It wouldn't come off and chances were, Kyla had already seen it. Kyla walked into his personal space.

"Don't fight your destiny, Naman. The spirits brought us together and bound us with the rings. Don't you see we're meant to be?"

"I'M A LUTHOR!" Clark blurted out, hoping to get the scary girl away from him.

"I don't believe you."

"Really, I am. I'm all evil and stuff." Clark racked his brain for something really evil he could do in front of the crazy girl, but nothing came to mind.

"Well then maybe you could talk to your Lionel Luthor about the caves," Kyla said as she put her hand on his chest and he cursed himself for unbuttoning his shirt earlier.

"Ok, so I'll just go and talk to him right now." Just as he was about to speed off again, he fell to the ground. The spiral on the ring began to glow green.

Kyla smirked. "Of course we will," she said as she leaned down to kiss Clark's sweaty forehead. "I'm so glad you decided to introduce me to your parents. And I thought you weren't serious about me. But first, I must introduce you to my grandfather; he'll be thrilled to meet you."

Clark groaned in pain as Kyla pulled him up to his feet. But then the pain went away. He looked down at the ring and realized that it was no longer glowing.

TBC


	12. Pt3, Chapter 2: What's a boy to do?

Sorry for the lateness those unfortunate soals reading my fic. I've uplaoded it ages ago but had trouble creating the line type thingie bobbins so I didn't bring it up till now.Thanks you Lili Luthor for being supportive and I will give you part 4 as soon as I can... In fact I think I'll upload two chapters this time just to hurry it up for you.

**Chapter two: What's a boy to do?**

"According to the legend, Naman came from the stars and fell in love with the mother of our people. Out of that affair, the Kawatche people were born," the old man said in a mystical voice used only when telling stories.

"Riight," Clark mumbled as he sipped his ice tea.

Kyla had dragged Clark out of the cave to meet her grandfather, Joseph Willowbrook, who had knowingly been waiting for her. The old man didn't seem surprised that his granddaughter disappeared into a cave and walked out with someone she claimed was her soul mate.

Clark went along with the whole Naman thing, not only because every time he tried to get away, the meteor rocks started shining and he started to get sick but also because he wanted to learn more about his own people. If the legend was true then there could be others like him. And if he had to risk being with Miss Psycho for a bit longer, it might be worth it.

Then Kyla rested her head on his shoulders.

'But then maybe not,' Clark thought, as he tried to get away again, but as he began to move away, the ring started to glow and Clark had to sit himself back down before the pain went away.

'Damn meteor rocks.'

"So, you are a Luthor," the old man stated and Clark tried not to shiver at his tone.

"Kent-Luthor," Clark replied, not looking at the man's face. His eyes were scary.

"Take me to see your father."

Clark swallowed. "Um...sure, but uh...you see tonight I'm staying over with my adoptive parents so maybe later?"

"Sure Clark, I'd love to meet your adoptive parents" Kyla said enthusiastically as she gave Clark a hug. If Clark wasn't an alien he was sure he would have suffocated by now.

Clark gritted his teeth.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So what happened to the star man?" Martha asked as she placed the pie onto the table and everyone dove in.

"He left one day, just flew back into the sky with a promise of sending another."

"Do you know which star he came from?" Clark asked.

"I do! I do!" Kyla replied, "I could show you!" she said as she tried to drag Clark from his seat.

"Um...maybe later," Clark shuddered at the idea of being alone with the girl...again.

"So, how long ago was all this?" Martha asked out of curiosity.

Jonathan had stayed surprisingly quite tonight, no platitudes, no Luthor cursing. Maybe she should take him to a doctor soon.

"The legend of Naman had been passed on for over a 1000 years."

"He's just a little late, that's all," Kyla said as she snuggled Clark.

Jonathan kept a cold hard stare on the girl, but said nothing.

"So, what about symbols on the walls. They look like alphabets, can you read them?" Clark asked. He was trying to get as much information out of the old man as possible.

"Our people don't have a written language. I've seen these symbols on artifacts but never in a pattern before."

"So you don't know what they mean" Clark said, a little disappointed.

"Oh don't worry Clark, my grandfather studied a lot of ancient languages. I'm sure he can decipher what they are." Kyla chimed in cheerfully. She reminded Clark of a puppy. A very scary, meteorite-controlling, Lara Croft wannabe, puppy.

"Assuming the Luthors don't destroy them first" Joseph said bitterly.

"Oh don't worry about that grandpa, Clark will talk to his father for us. Won't you Clark?" Kyla said as she kissed his cheek.

Clark resisted the urge to wipe it off. The girl had moved up so close to him that she was practically on his lap. "Um,sure I will" Clark said, 'but not for you' he added mentally.

"Um...mum, dad can I talk to you in private for just a bit" Clark said as he got out of the chair, hoping that the ring won't start glowing again. Luckily, it didn't.

He dragged both of his parents outside, and into the barn, then x-rayed to see if the Willowbrooks were following him. They weren't, surprisingly.

"Mum, Dad, you've got to help me get rid of her."

Martha pursed her lips. "Clark, honey if you don't like her then you shouldn't have led her on like that."

"I haven't led her on mum" he whined.

"I don't trust them. They know your secret." Jonathan spoke; it was the first sentence he said tonight.

Martha turned to her husband. There was definitely something different about him.

"Why don't you tell us what happened son?"

"Well, I was out investigating the construction site and, I don't know, I guess I fell asleep or something and when I woke up, I was in the cave and Kyla was there with me. Then she told me the legend, convinced herself that I was Naman and then said that we were soul mates."

Jonathan nodded, Martha looked worried.

"I also woke up with this ring on me. Kyla has the same one. I can't seem to take it off" Clark showed the ring to his parents. "It has meteor rocks embedded in it, but it only affects me every time I try to get away from Kyla."

"Have you tried breaking your fingers son?" Jonathan said calmly.

"Jonathan!" Martha hit him on the shoulders.

"Already did. It didn't work."

"So what are we going to do?" Martha asked.

"Have you tried getting the ring off Kyla's finger?"

"It didn't work. And every time I tried I get this painful headache."

"So what are you going to do?"

"Well I'm gonna go talk to Daddy-I mean Lionel, tomorrow and try to save the caves. I think there might be answers in there, when I was there I saw this octagon shape. It looked like a slot for the key to the ship."

"What are you going to do about Kyla?"

"I guess I'll have to stick with her until I figure out how to get rid of this thing" Clark gestured to the ring.

"Alright, well be careful honey, I don't want you to get hurt," Martha said as she gave Clark a kiss on the forehead.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next morning.

Clark groaned as he awakened from his deep slumber. His old bed wasn't as big and fluffy as the one in the mansion but it was still comfortable, though he felt that maybe he was getting just a little too big for it.

But he wasn't too big for it last week.

Clark stretched his muscles and looked around to find something lying next to him.

The 'something' was hairy and covered in mud. It looked like it might be human. Clark gave it a little poke.

The creature stirred.

Clark immediately jumped out of the bed as the mud covered person began to get up, leaving a huge stain on the sheets as it jumped of the bed and crawled towards him.

The creature was female, judging from the curves of her body. Her private parts were barely covered by the pieces of animal skin but that didn't matter since you can't really see pass the thick layer of dirt that covered her entire body. She made an animal like noise before she started speaking.

"Star man smell good" she said as he began sniffing his feet. Clark continued to look at her curiously, not quite knowing what to do. He was suddenly very glad that he wore his boxers to sleep instead of his usual birthday suit due to his fear of being watched by his stalker, though it seemed that he had worst problems. The cave woman ran her filthy hands up Clark's bare legs, yellow nails scraping them lightly.

Clark put held her wrist in place before it could go any further. Then as she moved her leg to trip him, he pulled her up from the floor, holding her up by the black mop on her head.

Then he felt pain shooting down from his fingers and spreading through his entire body. His head began pounding he fell to the floor, his veins becoming green as it ran through his body.

The cave woman roared loudly at Clark before throwing herself out of the window.

Clark's strength flooded back to him. He got up and peered through the broken window to find that the cave woman was gone.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clark sighed as the Luthor mansion came into view. It's been a while since he drove the truck since Lionel had insisted he stopped delivering the produce because it was un-Luthor, and being in the battered old thing again gave him a sense of comfort. Something he really needed right now due to the course of events that had happened.

Clark had already told his parents of his account with the cave woman. He didn't get to tell them about the seemingly meteor induced pain yet since the arrival of Joseph Willowbrook interrupted them. Luckily, he was not with Kyla and Clark kind of hoped never to see her again.

Joseph came wanting Clark to take him to see Lionel about the caves. Clark complied; he was going to go talk to him about it himself anyway. The cave seemed to hold the key to his past and he wasn't going to let that go.

His mother was there with Lionel when they entered the office at the mansion and Clark wondered whose side she will take.

After hours with absolutely no progress on his part. It was clear that his mother was on Lionel's side and that it would take a lot more than a single meeting to settle this.

Finally Joseph gave up with a promise to be back in a very Terminator style. As he left the room Lionel asked Clark if he could have a talk with him in private.

Lionel walked slowly to a wall as Clark followed him. Lionel had showed him the room of secrets a while back, it was a hidden room, completely sound proof and impenetrable to any device. No satellite signals can enter here and the walls were made of thick lead. Clark bent down to the panel on the floor as he pressed his code into it. Only the Luthors had access to this room and each one has their own code. Once the code is entered and the door is opened anyone can go in, a surveillance camera records the people who enter it as well as scan them for any bugs, but there is no recording once they're inside. Also, no one can enter if there's another group of people already present.

Clark led Lionel inside once the door was open. The room is average in size and is completely white except for the black carpet on the floor. There was nothing in it except for a desk and a few chairs. The room was made entirely for having secret conversations.

Or maybe doing secret things.

Lionel sat himself on the black leather chair behind the desk as Clark remained standing.

"So Clark, would you like to tell me why you're suddenly interested in these caves?"

It sounded more like a demand than a question and Clark tried not to stutter.

"Like I said, it's a part of history."

"And you think that's more important than creating jobs for hundreds of people in this town?"

"You could do that somewhere else."

Lionel gave him a smirk.

"Don't lie to me son. You haven't mastered that yet. I can see right through you. Now tell me the real reason for trying to save them."

Clark remained silent, his brain searching for an explanation but coming up with none. He couldn't exactly tell Lionel that it might held the secrets to his alien heritage.

"Martha told me that there was a girl involved."

'Oh no, now Lionel's going to think that I'm doing this for that psycho and not take me seriously.'

"There is a girl, but she's not why I'm doing this" Clark said honestly.

"Oh really," Lionel said as he put his hand on Clark's thigh and rubbed in slow circles. The boy moaned and spread his legs. Slowly Lionel got up and walked between Clark's denim clad legs. He ran his other hand over the boy's cheek.

"So you're not with this Kyla girl."

His "no" came out more like a moan.

Lionel smiled and he pressed his mouth to Clark's soft pink lips and devoured him with his tongue. The boy pressed his body wantonly against him as his hands went to Lionel's belt, trying not to break the steal buckle as Lionel's hand tangled in his hair.

Clark's lips were swollen red before Lionel moved onto the boy's neck and he moaned once again before finally pulling the belt out. He pressed his erection against the fabric of Lionel's slack when it happened again.

Pain, running through his body like an electric current as his pounded so hard he wished he could cut it off. Clark noticed that the ring was glowing again and with the last of his strength pushed Lionel away from him, causing the blind man to fall to the floor.

Then the pain stopped.

Clark's breathing returned to normal again as he went to help Lionel up from the floor.

"I'm sorry daddy," he said sadly, wishing he could just wring Kyla's neck. He gave the man a kiss on the cheek before leaving the room.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lionel would have been baffled by Clark's behavior, but he was a Luthor therefore nothing baffled him. He was, however, very disappointed. Clark was usually very accepting of his advances, he even begged for it at times. If this was about morality then Lionel suspected it would have happened sometime earlier. And it couldn't have been Jonathan's lecturing on the evilness of Luthors, after all, they did just get back together.

But Lionel was having trouble thinking clearly right now. His erection was still straining against his slacks.

He sighed frustratedly as he opened the door to Lex's study.

When he entered, he felt the presence of another person in the room.

"Hello Lionel," a husky female voice spoke.

"Martha," he said smoothly as he walked over to the desk where the red haired woman was. He placed his hand on the desk, only to find that it was Martha's leg.

He ran his hand up the smooth skin while the other found her hair as he brought her face down for a wet kiss

Lionel's hand snaked under her skirt as his tongue thrust into her mouth Then her lips moved on down to the man's neck, licking and nibbling a path down his skin as Lionel slipped his hand under her lacy underwear and pulled them down before throwing them aside.

He smirked as he felt the woman wrapped her legs around his wait and thrust herself against his erection. He growled as he bit into her neck before feeling her stiffened against him. He heard the sound of the door opening.

Then he felt something moving against his feet.

Lionel looked at Martha, silently asking her what she saw, but the woman just didn't know what to say.

"What is it Martha?" he said, sensing fear in her and wondering if he should turn around. It's not like he would see what it is anyway. But he heard them, feel them sliding against his expensive loafers. There must be thousands of them from the sound of it, and the creatures were small, not that small, maybe the size of a cat.

Slowly, Martha began to speak.

"White rabbits," she said in astonishment.

Then she screamed and fell off the desk.

Lionel groped for the phone on the wooden desk but it was covered with the fluffy animals and he cursed at them when he felt them bite into his ankles. They had surprisingly sharp teeth.

Finally he found it, but the phone lines had been chewed up by the demonic creatures and he grabbed one and threw them in rage against the stain glass window. Martha's scream was still ringing in his ears as he went to her, throwing or crushing every one of those creatures that got in the way before finally reaching her. He threw them off her two at a time. When he finally got Martha off the floor he grabbed the nearest object and threw it in the animals' general direction.

"Lionel, I think I broke my ankle" the woman said and Lionel cursed the inconvenience of his blindness.

"Martha, be my eyes for me. We need to get to a phone," he said as he lifted the woman up in his arms and started walking, trying to step on the little creatures a much as possible without tripping.

To say that it was a bad day would be the understatement of the century.

TBC


	13. Pt3, Chapter 3: Let's go all cave activi...

I know activisty isn't a word but I don't really care... As a reader of this nonsense, I'msure you don't either.

**Chapter three: Let's go all cave activisty**

"Do you see that bright one there? If you follow the stars around it, it makes the shape of a wolf's head," Kyla said with enthusiasm.

It was after his visit to Lionel that Kyla found him and despite his urge to run away, he couldn't. He had spent the entire day zoning out in the Native American girl's company. And now it was night... 'oh how slow time crawls when you're miserable.'

"Uh huh, and which is the one where Naman came from?" Clark asked, getting impatient, he had no intention of star gazing with this girl, which is what they had been doing for the past hour.

"See where the wolf's eye is missing? There used to be a star there. That star is where Naman came from," she said proudly.

"So what happened to it?"

"I don't know. You were the one that fell from it," she said in a juvenile manner.

Clark sighed and turned around.

"Lana! Hi, I didn't see you there."

Lana glared at the Native American girl. "Sorry, I didn't know you had company." Inwardly, she cursed the new competition.

Then Clark put his hand on her shoulder and smiled. "I'm glad you here," he said. Though his feelings for Lana weren't really there any more, (not since that threesome with Lionel and Lex) he was still grateful for her arrival. He didn't want to be alone with Kyla.

"Well, your message sounded urgent, so I came over right away," she said, her anger dissolving as she tried to keep her knees from weakening under Clark's touch.

"Thanks," Clark said with a charming smile which Lana returned.

"Ahem!" Kyla coughed as she walked over to Clark and gave Lana her best, get-away-from-my-man look.

"Lana, meet Kyla," Clark said with a grimace.

Lana gave her a mockingly sweet smile, "You will die slowly and painfully bitch."

"What?" Clark asked incredulously, not quite sure he had heard it despite his super hearing. But then again, he'd been wanting to say the same thing to her since he met her.

"I didn't say anything Clark," Lana replied. Kyla gave an animalistic growl.

"I must be hearing things," Clark mumbled.

"So how come I've never seen you at school before?" Lana asked, trying to sound casual and not quite succeeding.

"Oh, I go to Grandville."

For some reason, neither Clark nor Lana believed that.

"Um, Kyla, do you mind if Lana and I talk privately?" Clark asked. He'd eventually figured out that he could get away from her without the meteor rocks affecting him if she gave him her permission.

"Um...sure, but don't be too long." Kyla said as she kissed Clark who turned his head so that she only reached his cheek. Then the girl walked out and Clark sighed in relief.

"So what's up Clark?" Lana asked as she and Clark sat herself down on the sofa.

"Oh I just..."

'Wanted to get away from Miss Puppy Love from Hell,' Clark thought to himself.

"Wanted your help with something," he said instead.

"Oh, sure what is it?"

"Well you see today I found these Native American caves. It was right under the Luthorcorp site. They're about to be destroyed, I was wondering if you can get Henry Small to help me save them."

"Isn't Lionel your father, why don't you go talk to him?"

"I did..." Clark looked down at the floor, resisting the urge to burn it with his eyes. He hated himself for leaving Lionel like that but there was nothing he can do... He just wished that Kyla would die. And he had always been a good boy; he had never wished that on anyone before, not even the people who strung him up in Riley's fields.

"Oh." Lana exclaimed in understanding (though she didn't) as she saw the look on Clark's face. "Alright I'll talk to Henry Small for you, but I don't guarantee anything, I mean I haven't even got the results of the DNA test yet."

"Thanks Lana," Clark said as he gave her a smile, his first today.

Lana smiled back her usual fairy tale princess smile.

"Clark! Are you done talking to her yet?" Kyla called from outside. Clark growled before looking apologetically at Lana. The girl sighed.

"It's getting pretty late, I should get going anyway," the girl said before walking out. Cursing at the bitch that stole her man.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The talon was stuffed full with people as the waitresses made their way to serve the drinks, trying very hard not to knock them all over like over-sized dominoes.

The big sign saying 'Save the Cave' that was hanging on the ceiling was not what had brought all these people over. What brought them over was the dark haired, green eyed, recently rich teenager that was handing out the 'Save the Cave' buttons along with pamphlets and t-shirts.

Only the body guard Lex had hired for him as well as Kyla shoving the mob of adoring fan girls (and boys) kept Clark from being completely smothered by the crowd as they practically begged for autographs.

Lana sighed loudly, which came out sounding more like a growl as she looked at the crowd around Clark. As if Kyla wasn't enough, now she had to compete with a hoard of fangirls too. 'At least they're real girls, unlike me... except for those boys, and that transvestite in the corner.'

"Hey," a female voice said from behind her. It was Chloe's and despite the girl's behavior as of late, Lana was still glad she was here. She turned around only to find that Chloe was decked out in a tight yellow spandex outfit which covered her body but left nothing to the imagination (Lana could even see her nipples) and swirly red boots with a gold mask covering her face.

"Hey Chloe," Lana greeted hesitantly.

"I'm not Chloe," the girl said, "I'm not Chloe at all."

"So who are you then?"

"I'm Super Chloe!"

"Riiiight." Lana replied. "So what brings you to the Talon Super Chloe?"

"Well I'm here to save the day of course. Anything I can help you with ma'am? You seem a little upset."

"Well..." Lana said as she looked over to where Kyla was standing just a little too close to Clark. "You see that girl over there?" she pointed to the bitch.

"Yes. Why, did she do you wrong?"

"Yes, greatly. She's been harassing me ever since she got into town," Lana said in a fake teary voice before giving a fake sob. Chloe gasped then gave her a pat on the shoulder.

"Never fear, for Super Chloe is here," she said before walking confidently over to the girl and punching her. A cat fight between Super Chloe and Kyla ensued as Lana looked on with an evil smirk on her face.

"Hey Lana," another voice said from behind her.

"Mr. Small. Hi, thanks for coming," Lana said, as she turned around to see the man that might or might not be her biological father.

"Well, actually I'm glad you called, I have something to talk to you about," he said before pausing to look around nervously. "Though I wish we could have met somewhere else."

"I know you don't like this place cause its Luthor owned, but I swear Lex is just a silent partner," she said as she picked up a tray of coffee, helping the waitresses serve it as there were so many people here.

Henry Small looked at the tray fearfully before slowly edging away from it. "Would you just, put that tray of coffee down...please?"

Lana looked at him strangely, but complied, "So, what you want to tell me?"

Henry relaxed, but only just a little bit. "Well, you see I just got the test results back. It looks like we have some chromosomes in common after all."

At that, Lana took a deep breath. "Wow! So you're my father after all!" she exclaimed before jumping up to hug him.

Henry let her, until he smelt the smell of coffee in her hair and tried to pry himself free before he suffocated. When he got away, he saw that his daughter had a sad look on her face. He put a stray lock of black hair behind her ears and smiled at her.

"I don't think I deserve that title yet. But I hope I will, some day. So, why did you call me earlier?" he asked, trying to ignore all the coffee being served in the coffee house.

"Well," she said before gesturing to the big 'Save the Cave' sign. "We're protesting the building of Luthorcorp's new Corporate Plaza to save the Native American cave Clark found underneath the construction site. We figured you might be able to help us."

"A chance to kick Lionel's ass... I wouldn't miss that for the world."

Lana giggled a little, "Well thank you for agreeing to help out. I have to go serve some coffee now," she said before picking up the tray she had previously put down. When she turned back to face him, Henry backed away instantly as used his arms to cover his face like a vampire in the face of a crucifix.

"What's wrong?" Lana asked concerned as she took a step closer to him. Henry, sensing the coffee near him moved back even further, causing him to trip and fall onto a nearby table. The table fell over, sending the coffee flying over him.

When the coffee spilled over him, he fell down onto the floor, writhing as he screamed out his lungs.

Super Chloe and Kyla froze as they turned over to see what was wrong. As well as everyone else there.

Lana sent a waitress to get her some water and cloth before turning back to look at her father confusedly. 'The coffee wasn't even hot, it was iced, why does he look like he's being burned?'

"What's wrong with him?" Clark asked as he came over to Lana's side.

"I don't know" Lana said as the waitress returned and Lana kneeled down to wipe the coffee away from his face and hair. He continued to writhe but calmed down a little as the caffeinated drink was slowly removed from his skin.

Henry relaxed as the coffee was removed from his skin, but it was still soaking through his shirt. So, he instantly ripped it off himself.

'Maybe he's a nudist too. Maybe I'm not alone after all,' Clark thought as he looked at Lana's father. 'He doesn't look bad' he thought as he took the cloth from Lana who was too flabbergasted by the clothes ripping to notice.

Clark's eyes were locked on the man's chest when he used the cloth to wipe at Henry's skin, sticky with coffee. Henry saw the large hand lingering on his chest and looked up at Clark strangely.

"Who are you?"

Lana who finally took notice Clark leering at her father and put her hand over Clark's, bringing him back to reality.

"Um...Father, this is Clark. The guy who found the cave."

"Hello Mr. Small," Clark said huskily.

It was only then that Henry realized that he was half naked. And that he was still in the coffee shop. Surrounded by coffee.

"Um...I think I should go now," he said shakily before instantly getting up. "Ok...Calm down...I'm okay...the coffee's gone now, I'm ok," he mumbled to himself while trying not to hyperventilate. "Stay calm...breathe...ommmm...ommm...the world is an illusion...you are floating above the illusion...open your mind's eye...There's no coffee here."

"I'll call you," he said to Lana breathlessly. Then he started running out of the Talon, this time making sure he didn't run into any coffee.

"But wait, I haven't given you my number yet," Clark called out after him. But by that time he was gone and everyone went back to watching the Super Chloe vs. Lara Croft cat fight and took no notice of him. Clark sighed as he went back to trying to stop the cat fight.

"Clark!" he heard someone yell from the door.

"Lex!" Clark brightened up when he noticed his brother arriving.

"I heard what happened with dad, never figured you for an activist before Clark."

"Well, it's for a good cause," he said simply.

"So should I expect you home for dinner or have you moved out of the mansion now?"

Clark shifted his feet awkwardly. "I'm not sure yet. But I'm glad you're here. I want to show you something. Follow me," Clark said like an over-enthusiastic six year old and dragged Lex out to his Maserati.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The white beam of Lex's flash light was the only thing clearly visible in the darkness of the cave despite the sun shining brightly outside. Like any other cave, there was a dank stench of dirt, rotting humus and calcium chloride. The sound of their breathing echoed around the chamber.

"Not that I don't find this overwhelming scent invigorating but why are we here Julian?" Lex asked, once again calling the boy by his dead brother's name.

"I want you to see it. See what I'm trying to protect."

"I don't think I can see anything in here."

Clark noticed that Lex was facing the wrong way and spun him around. Taking his hand and pointing the flash light at the walls of the cave.

"Oh, you're right, this is pretty impressive," Lex said as he looked at the strange writings. Then he noticed the strange octagonal groove in the wall. "Very impressive indeed."

"So you'll help me?" Clark asked, having yet to abandon the six-year-old voice.

"Sure," he said as he ran his finger over it as Clark had done earlier.

Clark's 700 Watt smile was brighter than Lex's flashlight and the man had to squint upon looking at it. Then it turned into a smirk.

Clark pushed Lex against an empty wall of the cave before pinning him there with his body. He ran his hand down the man's arm before resting it against his hips as he attached his lips to Lex's pale neck, marking him with hickies as Lex's hand went to Clark's dark hair. Lex closed his eyes in pleasure as Clark's hand fumbled with his pants.

Then the pain came back again and Clark froze before moving away from Lex, trying hard not to fall to the floor as the sound of his breathing echoed very loudly.

"Clark, what's wrong are you alright?"

"I'm sorry Lex," he said between breaths. When his strength came flooding back to him, he speeded off, leaving Lex to stare at the thin air where Clark used to be.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lana sighed as she threw her purse down onto the bed. After Clark walked away with Lex at the Talon, Kyla soon followed along with the hoard of adoring fans, leaving the Talon in peace. After that, Lana's day had gone on uneventful, giving her time to think.

Contrary to popular belief, Lana wasn't stupid. She saw how Clark looked at her biological father (even though no one else did) and that look was more heated and passionate than any longing gazes he ever gave her.

She threw herself onto the bed, curling herself under the blanket as she tried not to cry. Then she heard the door squeaked open.

"Howdy!" Chloe greeted as she stepped into the room. Lana's head peeked out from under the blanket to see her best friend.

The girl gave her a playful smile as she threw away the toothpick she'd been chewing. Her sky blue eyes sparkled cheerfully as she played with her braided blond hair. The girl was currently dressed in a very short denim skirt which showed off her perfectly shaped legs leading all the way down to her brown leather cowboy boots. Her over sized red shirt was long sleeved and plaid (and probably stolen from Clark) with the first three buttons undone revealing more of the flawless pale skin and the outlines of her breasts. Over the shirt was a brown leather vest, and a matching cowboy hat completed her ensemble.

"So, wanna go horse ridin', honey?" The girl asked in a fake Texas accent.

Lana devoured Chloe with her eyes. Then she smirked, suddenly feeling much better as all thoughts of Clark flew out of her head. She got out of bed and stood in front of Chloe.

"Actually Chloe," Lana said in a deep voice she had never let herself use before. "I'd much rather see you ride something else."

"And what might that be?"

Lana pressed her lips against the blond girl's ear and gave her a kiss.

"Me," she whispered.

Then she pressed her crotch against the other girl's letting her feel the bulge in her jeans.

"My, my Mr. Lang, are you propositioning me?" she asked teasingly.

"Mr. Lang... I like the sound of that," Lana said before kissing Chloe's lips.

Chloe's tongue moved fast, cat-like just as Lana had guessed it would be as it entangled with her own, licking her, teasing her, feeling her mouth. Lana tasted apple pie on Chloe's lips, its sweetness mixing with a taste that was uniquely Chloe's own. It was intoxicating and addictive and Lana thought she'd never be able to get enough.

The kiss stopped when both of them got light headed and Lana wrapped her hand around Chloe's body and pulled her down on top of her. The kiss continued as Lana ripped Chloe's shirt open, her manicured nails scraping over perky nipples as Chloe moaned against her swollen lips. Then Chloe unzipped her pants, pulling them down to her knees as Lana's hardness pressed against the girl's thigh.

Then Chloe lowered her body down to Lana's long and thick hardness straining against the pink lace and with her tongue and teeth, slowly pulled it down.

Once the cock was free Chloe licked her lips sensually as she proceeded to take a ride.

TBC


	14. Pt3, Chapter 4: The Anti Kyla Society

**Chapter four: The Anti-Kyla Society**

"I always enjoy hearing your voice son," Lionel said as he ran his hand over Lex's naked body, his hair brushing against Lex's smoothness as they lay together on the bed. Lex purred contentedly against his father's touch, hoping the post orgasmic bliss wouldn't fade too soon.

"You know, I'm very proud of you Lex. Working hard, making a name for yourself, building your own empire."

The bliss faded and it was back to subtext and sarcasm.

"I'm sure you are dad, I'm sure you're ecstatic that I'm doing wonderfully without your help, and since you seem to have already forsaken the agreement not to have business conversations in bed, what do you want?"

"Oh don't be so dramatic Lex; I was just thinking that maybe our successes should not prevent us from joining forces."

"I'm not going to go back to work for you dad."

"I'm not asking you to do that son."

"Then what do you want me to do?"

"I want you to be my partner Lex."

"How sentimental...but no. I want to do this on my own, dad. I don't need you to watch over me."

"You're overreacting again Lex."

"No I'm not."

Lionel ran his hand over Lex's back and smiled as he felt the tense muscles relax again with another purr.

"So Lex, how are things with the young cub?" he asked while stroking him.

"I think you know perfectly well how it's going dad."

"Well yes I have been hearing this distasteful rumor concerning a certain Native American girl and their infatuation with each other."

Lex sneered and Lionel gave Lex a kiss on his neck before moving to his ears.

"Why don't we do something about her?"

"Wouldn't Clark get upset if anything happened to her?"

"I'm not talking about making her disappear, Lex. I could do that any time. But I did send someone to do a background check on this Kyla girl," he said the name with distaste, "Something which you should have done with all the women you have dated," he added.

"So what did you find out?"

"Nothing. There is no record of anyone named Kyla Willowbrook anywhere."

"Hmm... Curiouser, and curiouser. So what do you think dad?"

"Well I think that a lot of strange things have been happening lately... more than usual. She might be involved."

"You think she conjured up a rain of pianos?"

"I didn't say that. I'm just saying we should keep an eye on her."

"Can't you hire someone to do that?"

"I did, all of them mysteriously disappeared."

"What do you want me to do about it?"

"I think that we can get through this lucrative venture better if we work together."

"Alright. I'll help you, but just with this."

"Great, tomorrow you can go over to that coffee place and ask around. I'll go over to the Kents and let them know what's going on after my meeting. I'll meet you in front of the secret room at 4:00pm. Meanwhile..."

Lionel pressed his growing erection against Lex's back. The boy smirked knowingly before moving up for a kiss.

* * *

Jonathan sighed contentedly as he looked at his creation. The alien tool he used to create it was held in his hands as his eyes roamed over the pattern he had made. The circles and lines were perfectly formed in a strange looking language Jonathan himself did not know and probably never would. But it was beautiful all the same. 

The strange alien tool had been found along with Clark's ship and so far the only use he had found for it was to make crop circles. After some experimenting he had figured out what all the main buttons did and used it to make patterns on the fields of corn. Jonathan had never considered himself artistic but over the years he had found that crop circle making was quite a good way to express himself and that watching all the patterns form could be a rather calming experience.

And he seriously needed calming right now. He'd been back with Lionel for a few weeks and already he's starting to doubt his allegiance to the Anti-Luthor Society. This wasn't supposed to be a relationship; it was suppose to be a spying mission; a chance for him to get close to Lionel Luthor and find out his evil schemes; because Lionel was evil... but the more time he'd spent with him, the more he realized that he never really hated him. He was just angry at him, for a reason he doesn't quite remember any more.

Maybe Lionel had been injecting him with some kind of brain washing chemical. Or maybe he was secretly doing brain surgery on him while he was asleep...Or maybe he was just so good at sex that Jonathan forgot about everything else in his life.

It was currently about 4:00am in the morning, late enough for no one would to be suspicious of what he was doing, and early enough so no one would spot him making the circles in the dark. He was also glad that there were already many other strange things happening in Smallville so that no one would actually blink an eye when crop circles started appearing.

Once he was done gazing at his work, he walked back into the storm cellar to put the tool away and head back into the house.

"Hello Jonathan," a voice said from behind him and Jonathan got out a pistol he hid in his pants and pointed it towards the voice.

Then he saw who it was.

"Lionel, what are you doing here?" he asked as he put his gun back.

"I missed you," he said simply and Jonathan smiled like a school boy with a crush.

"I have something for you," Lionel said as he gave Jonathan a small blue box with a gold ribbon tied to it. "Don't open it till tomorrow."

Jonathan looked at it suspiciously. Then he looked back at Lionel.

"Don't worry, it won't bite," he said with a knowing smirk.

"Lionel how did you get here?"

"My chauffer dropped me off; he'll be here to pick me up in an hour... He's very discreet."

"Oh," Jonathan said; his mouth a perfect 'o' just before Lionel stole it for a kiss.

And with their lips still connected Jonathan went into the truck, pulling Lionel in with him and shutting the door.

* * *

Lana looked up as the click of expensive shoes entered the Talon. 

"Hi Lex," she greeted with a crooked smile. Lex looked the girl up and down, taking in her new look.

The girl was still wearing pink, but this time instead of pastel it was shocking pink. So shocking that Lex was having trouble adjusting his eyes to it. Her pink top was showed of the skin of her flat belly and the neck line was in close proximity to her nipples. It was also three sizes too small, making her usually small breasts look a bit bigger. Her blue jeans were at least three sizes too big and barely hung on her hips revealing the bright pink lacy underwear she wore underneath. She jingled as she walked due to a number of silver chains that hung from her neck. She also had strands of matching pink hair amongst her usual black.

"Um... hello Lana. You certainly look... different."

"Yeah I just got bored of myself. I needed a change."

"Right," Lex said as Chloe walked in wearing blue sweats, her hair streaked the same color with a head band around it, there were also bands on her wrists. Around her neck were chains that also jingled as she walked.

"Yo, sup Lex. Weren't hittin' on my bitch were you?" she said as she gave him a friendly punch before going over to Lana and placing a hand on her ass. "Hey baby," she said as Lana gave her a bright smile.

"So I see the both of you finally got over Clark," Lex said with a smile as he looked at the couple. They look very happy together.

Chloe whispered something in Lana's ear and Lana hit her on the head before turning to Lex. "So what brings you to the Talon this morning, Lex? Can I get you a cup of coffee?"

"Actually I was here to discuss an issue with you but I wouldn't mind a cup of double mocha cappuccino."

"Coming right up," she said before walking away as Lex sat himself down on the sofa in the corner. A few moments later his cappuccino arrived and Lana and Chloe sat themselves down next to him.

"So, what's up?" Lana asked and Lex was grateful that Lana hadn't gone all the way and changed her speech pattern as Chloe had.

"Well, you know that new girl Clark's been dating right?"

"Yes, what about her?"

"Well you see Da-, I mean I did a background check on that girl and found no record of anyone by that name."

"So the bitch ain't gotta name. Who cares?"

"I do! She could be dangerous."

"Clark's a big boy he can take care of himself. He can date whoever he wants."

"And what if this time he can't Lana? Listen Clark has been acting very strange lately, he could be in trouble. Don't you want to pay him back for all the times he saved you? You may not think of him romantically any more but do you not consider him your friend?"

Both the girls became silent in contemplation.

"Listen, if you care about Clark at all you will come by the mansion at 4:00pm," Lex said before getting up and leaving.

* * *

AU: ok, that part really sucked but I don't know anything about rapping. Plus I'm very useless.

* * *

The limo glided to a stop in front of the wooden house. Martha stepped out of the car, then helped Lionel out after her. As they walk together towards the house she pressed her body obscenely close to his, causing him to almost stumble. 

Jonathan was waiting for them inside; his hand tightly gripping the cup of coffee almost to the point of cracking it. He took a sip, despite the fact that he was already jumpy.

The bang of the front door sent him jumping onto the small side table, knocking over the vase of flowers resting on top of it. As Jonathan bent down to pick up the vase, Martha came up behind him and piped, "Hello, dear!" sending him crashing into the shelf before him with a yelp.

"Um... Hello Martha," he said as he removed his head from the shelf and accidentally hit it again. This time the shelf tumbled down on top of him.

Lionel listened on with an amused smile on his face.

Jonathan pried himself free of the shelf with certain difficulty; then proceeded to prop the shelf back up. He wasn't successful till the tenth attempt. Then he hastily chucked everything back onto the shelf.

"Um... right so um... Lionel... what do you want... from us?" he asked, trying very hard to sound angry and hateful but not quite succeeding. Then he took a few jerky and uneven steps towards the sofa and sat down.

"Lionel, please sit down," Martha said to her boss as the two both took a seat opposite Jonathan. A few moments later the shelf tumbled down again with a loud crash. Jonathan jumped down onto the floor with his hands covering his head. Then he realized it was just the shelf and got up again, trying to look dignified.

"So... um… Lionel… What did you call us here for?" Martha asked shakily; discomfort evident in her face. Jonathan had the same expression on his.

"I came here to discuss the recent development with our son."

The Kents sighed in relief and Lionel smirked knowingly. Then they remembered what their son was and their relief turned into horror.

"Oh, what are you saying Lionel? Our son is a verynormal boy. There's nothing wrong with him. Nothing at all he's a lovelyHUMAN boy" Martha covered.

"Yes and we both raised him right and if there was suddenly something wrong with him then it's probably your fault. If he sprouted anything weird like tentacles or... any other alien like body parts, thenit was probably due to uh... the chemical waste you dumped in our river..." Jonathan added.

"Yes, because um...our son is very normal. VERY normal...nothing strange about him AT ALL."

Lionel started chuckling and both the Kents looked at him suspiciously.

"Actually the development in question is concerned with our son's... acquaintance with a rather undesirable female character."

The Kents sighed in relief again.

"Well, Lionel uh... Actually Clark-"

"Why are you against this girl Lionel?" Jonathan interrupted.

"I did a background check on her and none of my people found anything... There is no record of this girl or any girl that looks like her anywhere on the planet... Neither is there anything on her grandfather Mr. Willowbrook. My people are good at finding things; they can get information on anyone about anything. The fact that they couldn't find anything is rather concerning. Not to mention the fact that the people I hired to follow her all mysteriously disappeared."

"Why were you having her followed in the first place?"

"After that debacle with Desiree I thought I should be more careful of whom my son seeks the companionship of. Now is there anything you can tell me about this girl?"

The Kents turned to look at each other, silently communicating about what they should allow Lionel to know. Then Martha turned to face the blind man.

"Well… um… Clark said he met her just after we went over to the construction site. He said that he fell asleep and then when he woke up she was right next to him. Not only that but they were also in the cave when they woke up."

"Interesting."

"Clark said that the girl's been following him around since then. He also said that when he tries to get away he gets a head ache."

"So she's keeping him with her against his will... Very interesting... I mean, concerning," Lionel said as he considered hiring the girl to work for him.

"There's something else." Jonathan said. "It's probably nothing but… well… Clark said that when he was asleep that he had a dream that he was following a talking white rabbit and fell into a hole. He said that there was another part to that dream but he couldn't remember."

"White rabbits? Hmmm... How is he sure it was a dream?"

"What are you not telling me Lionel?"

"Yesterday, it seemed another strange event occurred. You see I was attacked by a herd of small mammals in my office. The guards told me that they were white rabbits."

Martha tried not to look suspicious at the mention of the event. "So this girl can control alie- I mean teenage boys and white rabbits. That's... different. So what are we going to do about it?"

"I was about to go meet Lex at the mansion to discuss the situation with him. Care to join me?"

"Sure," the couple replied simultaneously.

* * *

The six people sat silently, each looking nervously at each other as Lionel sat himself behind the desk. The secret room was as cold and impersonal as it was a few days ago when Clark and Lionel last entered it. 

"Greetings everyone. I'm sure you all know why you're here. You are here due to your concern of a potential threat to our beloved Clark Kent-Luthor. So far we have learnt that this Native American girl doesn't exist legally and according to Martha she also seems to have control over Clark as well as white rabbits. We can also assume that she's somehow connected to the caves as well as the piano incident at the construction site. Does anyone have anything to add to that?"

Chloe raised her hand.

"Yes Miss Sullivan."

"Actually it's Agent C," she said as she straightened her MIB suit and adjusted her black sun glasses. "Previously research has shown that white rabbits have the same brain wave frequency as Smallville meteor rock's radiation waves. If she could manipulate these waves enough to control the rabbits then she could control the frequency of the meteor rocks too, but only on a low level otherwise it would have an effect on everyone in the town, my dearest Agent L included, since she has a piece of it with her all the time. This would indicate that Clark Kent is more sensitive its waves more than any other human being which means that his physiology is not entirely human. I think that this would indicate that Clark Kent might literally be an illegal alien on our planet since he's not registered. Maybe the fact that he's not registered is due to him already being hunted down, maybe by this Kyla creature who might also be an extra terrestrial being."

"Oh that's preposterous. It's ludicrous. It's impossible. Clark is a perfectly normal human boy. Yep, 100 human... nothing else. He's perfectly normal." Martha covered in response.

Lionel snorted, but didn't say anything. Everyone else ignored what Chloe had just said. Then Lana raised her hand up, and despite the fact that she was wearing an outfit identical to Chloe's she usually made more sense than her, so they listened.

"We also know that this Kyla creature is very strong, physically. Agent C was locked in combat with it the previous day. She has a large stockpile of different fighting techniques."

"Thanks you Miss... I mean Agent L. So, as that is all we know about our current enemy, we need to come up with a plan."

Everyone went silent. Then Jonathan's hand went up.

"Yes Jon."

"We could use the pianos to build a maze around her and attack her with pitch forks while she's trying to get out."

"How very realistic of you Mr. Kent," Lex commented sarcastically.

"This is a waste of time Commander, I vote we flashy-thing her and get it over and done with," Chloe piped in.

"Yes that's a very brilliant idea 'Agent C' but since we don't have the 'flashy-thing' we'll have to go with something else," Lex looked annoyed as he said this.

"So do you have any brilliant ideas Agent A?" she asked Lex in an equally annoyed voice.

"I'd say put surveillance in the caves. Since Kyla is connected to it she will go in there eventually. I believe that the cave might be her hiding place, that she actually lives down there and that the construction of the Corporate Plaza had disturbed her. If we put hidden cameras in every single part of the caves, we could see what she's up to and eventually defeat her."

"Well done Lex," Lionel said as he patted Lex's bald head. The young man resisted the juvenile urge to pull Lionel's hair.

"Alright, meeting adjourned."

And so the Anti-Kyla Society was formed.

TBC

Author: OK, please review. Pretty please? I know I shouldn't care about this stuff but this is my longest story and yet I have the least review for it...plus there's more chapters than there are reviews, and that seems kinda saaaaadddddd. I'm not that bad right? I know I'm bitchy but not always. _sighs._ Well please review. I'll post more soon.

I know writers write for themselves but it really encourages them when you review. I have all of part three written already though... I just haven't finished writing part four... I hope you'll stick around till then.


	15. Pt3, Chapter 5: Army of White Rabbits

AN: Thank you so much LilliLuthor, you are my biggest fan ever. I will update part for you as soon as I can... really.

As for the rest of you, I know I'm a review whore, please indulge me. All I'm asking for is the same amount of reviews as there are chapters. So that's like, 3 more reviews, that's it. Pretty please?... fine... won't stop me from posting, I'll just post slower.

_And can someone please recommend me some good lexonel or clionel please?_

* * *

**Chapter five: Army of White Rabbits**

It was later that night when someone or rather something set off the newly installed motion detectors in the darkness of the caves. The night vision cameras caught nothing more than a furry green blur moving across its lens. Lex suppressed his growl of frustration as he looked at the screen.

"Whatever it is it's fast."

After the alarm went of Lionel had called everyone to the security room of the cave. It was around 1:00 am and occasionally yawns could be heard among them as Jonathan and Martha Kent could barely keep themselves upright. Both were still in their pajamas with a jacket over it. Chloe was the only member not present, according to Lana she was meditating and trying to find inner peace at the moment.

"Where did the movement end?" Lana asked as she peered at one of the screens in the large security room. Unlike the Kents the girl was fully awake.

"It ended on these upper levels of the cave," Lex said as he pointed towards one of the monitors. "But I've been up there before, it's a dead end."

"Maybe there's a secret passage or something."

"Maybe, but we haven't had time to fully investigate it yet."

"Well whatever it is it looks like it's still in there. I think we can go down there and ambush them. What do you think Commander?" Lana asked turning towards Lionel Luthor.

"Well it's in the middle of the night, I'm blind and the Kents are half asleep. I highly doubt we're capable of a surprise attack Miss Lang, and all of the people I hired to track this girl are still missing. Sending more people in there could be a futile effort."

"And what if something happens to Julian? He could be in there right now being tortured by that psychopath. I mean he hasn't come back to the mansion and the Kents said they haven't seen him since this morning. We need to move quickly. We need to move now."

"I suggest that someone should go in and check out what's going on first and report back to base," Lana suggested.

"And who do you suggest takes on this difficult task?"

"I will," both Lex and Lana volunteered. Lex out of concern for his brother, and Lana simply because she could do with some ass-kicking right now.

Lex looked questioningly at Lana and the girl childishly stuck her tongue out at him.

"Well since both of you are so eager, both of you shall go. Lana will go in first and Lex can be your back up."

"But-" Lex protested but Lionel put his hand up to Lex's mouth.

"Careful Lex, you might say something you'll regret. Now the equipments are next door. Why don't both of you suit up?"

* * *

"Lana, are you sure you know how to use that gun?" Lex asked as he strapped his own onto his belt. They had both changed into black, skintight cat suits, which left nothing to the imagination. Lana tied her hair back in a tight bun and Lex winced as he put a tight black hood over his head. 

"Of course" the girl said before pulling on the night vision goggles. Lex followed suit, despising the feel of the goggles against his leather covered head. Then they both walked into the darkness of the cave.

After about 10 minutes of walking in silence they were staring up at the higher room of the tall cave. Lana took out a rope with a hook attached to it, after the few swings she threw it, attaching the hook onto the high ledge. Then with agility, she began to climb up.

"Come on Lex," she called down once she got to the top. Lex followed her up.

Moments later, both of them were standing exactly where Kyla and Clark had met. Lana leaned back against the wall as Lex started searching for the hidden door. Slowly he ran his leather covered hand over the rocks. Then he found a lever.

"Hey, I think this is it," he said as he pulled it down.

The floor beneath then dropped down and they found themselves rolling down a set of stone steps. Luckily neither of them screamed so they weren't noticed as they tumbled the secret chamber of the cave.

They stopped rolling when they hit the end of the steps and quickly scrambled up to hide behind a big rock. There was a large bon fire in the middle of the chamber where the shaman in a grey leather cloak was chanting. Surrounding them was an army of white rabbits.

Then Lana gasped as she looked up and Lex's eyes followed hers.

Above them, hung metal cages chained to the ceiling of the chamber. Inside them were buff-looking men in black suits. They were all wearing identical bunny ears and bunny slippers as well as a confused look on their faces.

"Dad's cronies" Lex said as he recognized a few of them.

A howl brought their attention up to the top of the stairs as Kyla pushed Clark down the stony stairs. The teen looked sickly green and Lana had to stop Lex from jumping out and strangling her.

"Kyla I see you brought your mate. Welcome," the shaman said as he patted her head like a dog. She gave him a bright smile. "Kyla you must be hungry, have something to eat," he said gesturing to the men in the cage. "You can't do the ritual on an empty stomach. I've caught some delicious and meaty rabbits just for you."

Both Lex and Lana winced in disgust before looking at the caged men with pity.

"That's got to be a horrible way to die" Lana stated the obvious as the first cages was lowered.

Grey fur began to grow on the Native American girl's skin, then she collapsed down her hands and knees before claws began to pierce through her nails. Screaming and clawing the floor, she was fully transformed into a wolf by the time the floor of the lowered cave dropped down and the man screamed as he fell to the floor.

The wolf pounced on him and he screamed in agony as the claws dug deep into his skin, creating a long wound in which blood was pouring out of. Sharp, inhuman teeth penetrated deep into his abdomen and he felt a chunk of his flesh rip away. The wolf leapt off his body, sending him crashing down to the cold, hard surface of the cave floor. In the wolf's mouth was his liver. Chewing it with great delight as blood spilled onto the floor, the wolf paid no attention to him. The man tried his best to crawl away but the pain from the large gap in his body forbade him from doing so. He let out a scream: A mistake.

The werewolf quickly returned its gaze on him, and with one jump, landed on top of him. The wolf growled, and then sank its claws deep into his forehead. Blood started to gush out, making a puddle on the floor. The wolf then jerked its claws out, blood spraying from the wounds.

The wolf cracked open his head, and jerked out his brains along with the white bunny ears.

Lana was watching the scene unfold like a horror movie as another body dropped down with a thud and a scream. The new prey's leg was bent at odd angles with his bones tearing through the skin. He leaves a trail of blood as he tried to crawl away.

He was whimpering as the wolf pounced on his back, his face twisting into a mask of pain as it ripped out his spine. He died instantly.

As Lana was paying attention to the gruesome scene, Lex's attention was focused on his brother who was now lying on the floor, oblivious to the feasting of the beast next to him. He looked back at the wolf. It was too busy playing with its victim's eye balls to notice him.

With the gun in his hand, Lex jumped out of his hiding place and ran as fast as he could, stepping on a few rabbits as he went.

The shaman, who had been too busy watching his pet feast turned to see him. With a wave of his wooden walking stick, the rabbits started to move causing Lex to stumble onto the ground as the furry demons began using their sharp teethes to bite into his skin.

Clark stirred and he saw Lex's bald head and flailing hands peaking through the ocean of rabbits and used the last of his strength to grab Lex's hand.

Lana cursed as she saw Lex drowning in white fluff. There was no way to save him without being seen, and Clark wasn't strong enough to do it in his current state. Luckily, the trap door was still open and if she was quick enough, she might be able to help them and get away.

Swiftly the girl got out of her hiding place and ran up the stairs before getting out her rope and throwing it at Lex before hooking the other end onto a ledge. Luckily, Lex caught it and began to climb up, his hand still holding Clark's tightly.

As the two men were struggling to climb up, Lana took her gun and started shooting at the white rabbits, the red of its blood staining the pure white as they dug their teeth into Lex.

Then one rabbit jumped up above the others, its teeth biting at the rope. Lex noticed this and quickly climbed up, but with one hand holding onto Clark, it was near impossible.

The rope tore; causing Lex, Clark and a dozen of the rabbits biting onto them to fall back onto the ground.

The trap door was closing behind Lana as the rabbits turned their attention towards her and she knew she had to go. With one last look back, she turned and quickly ran up the stairs and out of the chamber.

* * *

Lex grumbled as he stirred. His body aching as he moved his hand to rub against the bump that had formed on his head. He had been knocked unconscious yet again after the fall and he was glad for the healing powers he had or his headache might have been even worse. 

His hands felt strange.

He brought them to his eyes and saw that it had a long white glove covering it. He sat himself up and saw that he was sitting in a cage hanging in mid-air. Then he looked down at the rest of his body.

Lex's mouth dropped to the floor soundlessly as he stared at what he was now wearing.

There was a tight black corset over his stomach constricting his breathing slightly as he shifted. It was tight enough to create an illusion of curvy hips that were barely covered with shiny black leather. His long lean legs were covered in fishnet stockings that lead down to high-heeled stilettos. Wires tightened over his chest in the frame of the wonder bra under the black leather, creating cleavage big enough to compete with Chloe's. He also felt a little bow tie around his neck as the leather g-string rode between his ass cheeks.

There was also an uncomfortable bundle pushing against his ass as he sat. So he got up onto the unsteady wooden floor and tried to look at his back. There was a fluffy white bunny tale sewed just above the g-string.

Quickly coming to a realization, Lex ran his hand over his bald head to find a head band. It was fluffy with a pair of long bunny ears sticking out of it.

Lex's cursed angrily as he tried to pull the ears off, but it won't budge. Its pull only served to make his head hurt even more.

"Don't bother, it's super-glued to your head," a voice said from below him. Lex looked down and saw that it was Joseph Willowbrook, the shaman.

"Why on Earth would you super-glue bunny ears to my head?"

"Well you see my pet, Kola here" he gestured to the wolf that was now asleep near the bonfire "she's trained not to eat humans, but loves a good meal of rabbits."

Lex thought back to the feast he saw earlier, 'so that's why they all wore bunny ears' he thought. "Can't she tell the difference between a real rabbit and a person in a rabbit costume?"

"No, she's not all that smart, but she's very loyal. Stuck with me for over a thousand years, long before the white people came and took our land. My land."

"So why am I in a play boy bunny outfit? The others weren't wearing... this," Lex asked as he gestured to the black leather.

"Oh, I just thought you would look good in it," Willowbrook said casually as Lex sighed in frustration. Then he looked down and saw Clark.

The boy was still glowing green, sweat beading on his skin as he lay motionless on a stone alter. The boy was wearing nothing more than a loin cloth with a dozen chains tying him down. There was a glowing green pendant around his neck.

Lex tried not to notice how good the boy looked in the loin cloth and more on the fact that he was in pain.

"What are you going to do to my brother?"

"Oh nothing much; just make him a more willing slave. You see when the ritual is done; I can get him to do all of my bidding. Don't worry Ziget once all this is over Naman won't be in pain anymore... With the great Naman on my side, ruling the world will be a piece of cake.

"But ruling the world is my thing!"

"Not after Kayla, Kyla and Kola is through with you."

At the call of her name the wolf stirred from its slumber. It shook its body, causing the fur fall onto the floor as it morphed into a more human form. But it didn't look like the Kyla Lex had seen earlier, this girl walked on her hands and feet. Her body covered more by mud than the bits of leather on her body, her hair a big black/grey bush on her head.

"Kayla, so glad you can join us, we were just about to start. And once we're done I have a special treat waiting for you," the old man said as 'Kayla' the Cave woman looked up at Lex and drooled with more than hunger in her eyes. Lex secretly wished for the wolf to come back.

"Kayla want Star man, Star man belong to Kayla, Star man not belong to Kyla" she said roughly before going over to where Clark was lying and sniffing him. Lex growled at the Cave woman who snarled back.

"Now, now, both of you behave. The ritual is just about to start" Then the old man whistled, calling forth the white rabbits.

Slowly, the chant began as the nauseating smell of incensed drifted towards Lex. The shaman brought out an ornate knife hovering it over Clark's body before piercing in. The cut was shallow and drops of greenish red blood flowed from it as Willowbrook began to draw patterns onto Clark's chained chest.

Lex rattled the cage, hoping that it will fall to the grown and maybe break. Unfortunately the chains holding it up was too strong.

Once an eye-like shape was drawn onto Clark, the knife was held up right at the center of it. The chanting had increase in intensity as well as the smoke rising from the bon fire. Lex knew that the ritual must be close to being complete.

Then suddenly, the trap door was open and the sound of machine guns filled the room as Lex tried to make himself smaller in the cave so as not to get hit. There was a familiar laughter coming from the shooter and when the first round of bullets were over Lex opened his eyes and turned over to see a smug looking Jonathan Kent. There was a red band tied over his blond head and he was in a camouflage uniform with a big machine gun balancing on his shoulders.

Lex sighed in relief until he noticed that despite the fact that Willowbrook and his granddaughter/pet/whatever had holes inside their body, they were still alive and uninjured. Both of them grunted as they made their way towards Jonathan.

"DEATH STAR POWER!" came a voice from behind them. Then suddenly a figure popped up from behind them, did a flip in mid-air and landed in front of Jonathan. It was Lana.

Lana was dressed in a Sailor Senshi outfit, the white fabric stretching tightly across her body as the black pleated skirt tried unsuccessfully to cover her ass. The sailor collar was also black complete with an over-sized pink bow in the front and one matching one in her hair as well as in the back of her outfit. Wrapped across her forehead was a golden band with a sparkling pink gem on it. Her knee high, high heeled boots were also pink and uncomfortable-looking.

"HOLLYWOOD POWER!"

Suddenly Chloe jumps in, landing in a pose next to Lana wearing exactly the same as Lana's except in a yellow and dark blue color with star patterns on the colored fabric.

"We are Sailor Death Star!" Lana started

"And Sailor Hollywood!" Chloe added with a ridicules looking pose.

"Champion of Justice and defender of...um" they both paused, looking at each other and then at the people around them. "Defender of men in very strange costumes."

For a moment it seemed that the paused button has been pushed as everyone in the room (except the dead rabbits) looked at the girls strangely.

Then Lana took her headband off.

"DEATH STAR TIARA MAGIC!" she shouted as she threw it across the room. Joseph Willowbrook managed to duck, but it hit Kayla on the head.

"Ouch!"

The cave woman growled and threw the 'tiara' back at Lana who caught it.

"Sailor Hollywood, go help the sexy bunny and slave boy, I'll handle the bad guys," she said, as she gave the girl a peck on the cheek.

Lana went up to Kayla, who had just transformed into Kyla as they both got into their fighting stances. Joseph Willowbrook was too busy mourning for the rabbits to notice anything around him.

As Lana was fighting, Chloe found a switch, which lowered the chains of the cage. Once Lex was down she pulled a pin out of her yellow hair and started picking at the lock. Lex tried not to comment on her super hero name.

Once Lex was out, he practically jumped over to where Clark was. The boy was still bleeding, the blood still glowing sickeningly green. Lex took the heavy meteorite pendant off. The boy stirred but was still bleeding greenish blood. Lex resisted the urge to find a bottle to store the blood to test in his lab. There wasn't any time to find a bottle and there was nothing in his outfit that could store blood.

"The ring," Clark mumbled and Lex noticed that on Clark's left hand was the ring he'd been wearing for the last few days. It was glowing green too.

Lex went over to it and started pulling with his hand as Chloe tried to break the chains on Clark with her star shaped wand. The man stopped when he heard a click that sounded like bones breaking. The ring still won't come off.

If only there was a lubricant of some sort.

Then Lex saw the blood. Not caring about the pure white gloves, he dipped his hand into the pool of blood on Clark's chest; then rubbed the red substances onto the ring finger. It became loose and eventually Lex was able to squeeze Clark's fingers out of them.

The bleeding stopped and al the colors flooded back into Clark's skin. Lex tried not to drool as Clark got up, the chains tying him to the alter breaking. The rest of the chains were left hanging on his body, accenting the beautifully tanned muscles.

"The chains were rusty," Clark explained with a blush as he saw what Lex was wearing.

"Riiiight," Lex replied, clearly not buying Clark's explanation.

"Hiya!" they heard Sailor Death Star cried as she high kicked Kyla who ducked just in time. Sailor Hollywood went over to her girlfriend's side to join in on the cat-fight.

Then Jonathan fired another round of bullets, as Joseph Willowbrook got up from the floor. Having finally finished mourning, he was now intent of revenge and was now making his way towards Jonathan in a zombie like manner.

Clark saw what was going on and quickly ran to his father's side, his speed bordering on super speed.

Eventually Jonathan ran out of bullets.

Willowbrook was moving near and Clark stood in front of his father. He knew he couldn't use his powers in front of all these people; he wasn't sure how else he was going to defeat a thousand year old wizard/zombie.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the girl's corner of the chamber. 

Chloe hit Kyla on the head as Lana kicked her, but the other girl was still all right and kicked back.

"Naman's mine bitches. And there's nothing you two can do about it."

Before Lana could retort, the girl instantly shifted into the cave woman.

"No, Star man not Kyla's. Star man is Kayla's"

Then she shifted back into Kyla.

"No, he's not. I think Clark deserves someone a little more evolved, ape," Then she shifted back into Kayla.

"No, Star man Kayla's," then the cave woman took a punch at herself before shifting into Kyla.

"Why, you bitch," then she punched again before shifting into Kola who started biting itself. When the wolf shifted back into Kyla again the girl was bleeding and bruised, her Lara Croft outfit hanging in tatters. The girl started literally beating herself up again before shifting.

Lana crossed her arms together and leaned down onto the cave wall, Chloe next to her as they watched the girl shifted back and forth, fighting with herself.

Then Kayla took hold of her own neck, strangling herself as she banged her head against a nearby wall. She shifted one more time back into Kyla before falling to the floor. Dead.

One bad guy down, one to go.

The girls did another acrobatic flip and landed just in front of Clark.

"HOLLYWOOD STAR BURST!" Sailor Hollywood shouted as she waved her wand, sending bright golden sparks at the old man, who tumbled onto the floor. In retaliation he waved his own hands, causing Chloe to fly off into a wall.

"HOLLYWOOD HEART ATTACK!" This caused the old man to drop to the floor and twitched for about 5 minutes before getting up again.

"DEATH STAR FIRE!" Lana shouted and pointed her own wand. There was suddenly a loud explosion. It blasted at Willowbrook as a cloud of dust and smoke covered the chamber.

Slowly, the cloud of smoke dissipated.

Willowbrook was on the floor, his head, his hands and his legs were all on the opposite side of the chamber. There was no blood or slime, just a lot of dust. Chloe coughed as each part started wiggling its way towards each other.

Everyone turned to look at each other.

"So... What now?"

"He doesn't seem to be going anywhere."

"But he's still not dead."

Nobody took notice as Jonathan had walked up to Willowbrook's head, and took out his 'magic' spoon and started using it to scrape at his wrinkled skin. Layer by layer the skin started peeling off and turning into dust. When Jonathan's spoon began to dig deeper, Willowbrook's head started screaming.

At that everyone turned around to see that Jonathan had dug his way through the man's left cheek.

"So how about we all take a piece of him and do what ever we want to it?" Lana suggested.

"Alright, dibs on the arms" Chloe said as she made her way to collect them.

"I'll take the body, I wanna see how all of his systems work," Lex said as he went to take it.

"Wanna piece Clark?" Lana asked as she picked up a leg that was trying very hard to kick her.

Clark looked at the pieces everyone was holding, they were all struggling helplessly to get away.

"Um, no thanks."

* * *

Later that night 

Once all of the pieces of Joseph Willowbrook had been stuffed, burned or safely confined in a lab, everyone sat back down for a final Anti-Kyla meeting at the Luthor Mansion.

"To our unity in defeating a common enemy," Lionel said as everyone brought their champagne glasses together.

Sailor Death Star smiled gave a drunken smile, her glass empty; her cheeks were rosy as she whispered in Sailor Hollywood's ear. The girl giggled.

"Chloe, you do know that Hollywood isn't a planet right?" Lex asked as he looked at the girls.

Chloe stopped smiling and glared at him. "What do you mean Hollywood's not a planet?"

"Neither is Death Star, Lana. It's a space station," Clark added as he took another sip.

"Is not!" Lana said indignantly as she filled her glass again and took a swig.

Lex rolled his eyes at them. Chloe pouted, tears forming in her eyes.

"Hollywood is a planet. How can you say that? You are so mean," she said, bursting into tears.

"Lex, take that back. Take that back right now and apologize to Sailor Hollywood or my wand will be so far up your ass, and trust me, it won't be pleasant," Lana threatened as she pointed her wand at Lex, Chloe sobbing on her shoulders.

Lex sighed dramatically. "Fine, Planet Hollywood is in fact a real planet and I'm sorry I insulted you."

"Good," Lana said as she lowered the wand and put it back to wherever she had hidden it earlier. Then she turned back to Chloe, "See honey, now stop crying, we just defeated a bad guy, we should be celebrating," she handed her girlfriend a glass before emptying her own into her pink lip-sticked mouth.

"Lana isn't that your eighth glass already? You're not even supposed to be drinking."

Lana smirked and lowered her voice, "Well you're not suppose to be fucking another guy in Kansas either Though I'm sure they don't mind the fact that you're related." she said before grabbing the bottle and filling it up again and then grabbing Chloe down to sit on her lap.

"Get a room," Clark said, as they began kissing.

"We should be going now," Martha said, trying not to look at the two girls making out on the sofa. She grabbed her husband and took off.

"Ladies, there's a lovely guest room on the second floor," Lionel suggested. In response the girl got up, lips still attached to one another as they made their way out of the room, hitting and crashing into vase, plates and other expensive objects as they went.

Once the sound of clattering was out of earshot Lionel smirked and ran his hand over Lex's head, stroking at the bunny ears Lex still couldn't get rid of. He was still in the playboy bunny outfit, though he had left the blood stained gloves at the lab for some experimenting later.

After the victory everyone had been so eager to get drunk that they didn't bother changing yet, Lionel unfortunately couldn't see what Clark was wearing but he could hear the chains clinking rustling against each other as he moved. It was very arousing.

"Clark, I've never shown you the dungeon have I?" Lionel's voice was smooth, like silk over unblemished skin.

"No Daddy, I don't think you .have," Clark said, unable to hide the arousal stirring in his lower regions against the small fabric of the leather loin cloth, making the chains rustle as it hardened.

Lionel's fingers grazed over Lex's face and the young man sucked at it lightly when it reached his mouth.

"Lex, be a good little pet and lead the way"

* * *

This part is NC17 and so I had to take it out, if you want to read it please email me. If you want I'll throw in a picture of Lex in a bunny outfit too.

* * *

Later that night 

The Luthors slept naked that night on the large king sized bed. Lex lay on his back as Clark gently held him by the waste. Lionel was in the shower at the moment cleaning up.

"Lex, what did Lionel mean when he said you were making a deal with Henry Small?"

"Well, it seems that because of the petition drive you led over the caves that the state might be exercising the Historic Artifacts Amendment, the final decision will be made tomorrow and if it's exercised then dad will be bought out. I just made sure that Lexcorp would secure the contract for the preservation for the area."

"Lex, I don't know what to say? Thank you, I know you thought that I was only doing that to help Kyla but, I wasn't, that place meant a lot to me."

"I didn't do it for you Clark, that cave interested me too, there's just something about it..."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," he said as he gave Lex a chaste kiss.

* * *

Meanwhile Lionel Luthor was currently in the hidden room next to his private bathroom. The room was decorated with antique wooden furniture and upon pressing a button under the desk, a secret compartment appeared. In it were various objects and trinkets, which connected to the mystery that is Clark Kent. 

The broken cock ring was put into a small clear glass box and placed next to the half flattened bullets he found on the floor in their first official meeting.

Once the latest trinket was safely stowed away, Lionel left the room and went out to the shower.

* * *

Jonathan stood on the porch watching the full moon floating in the dark sky. He didn't bother going to bed tonight, it was already close to the time when he would have to get up again, he might as well get an early start. 

But he didn't, instead he just stood there, contemplating the earlier events as well as everything else that had happened in his life. The small blue box was held in his hands as he looked into the night.

Well, I suppose it's already tomorrow, he thought as he untied the gold ribbon and opened the box. He gasped as he saw what it was.

The metal octagon lay beneath crisp white sheets of wrapping paper. The tiny symbols etched on it could barely be seen in the dim light but it was obvious what it was.

The key to the space ship.

**END OF PART 3**


	16. Part 4 Brought to you by Oxy Moron Inc

Author: Fine, don't reveiew then gets all huffy and pouts... this part of the fic has yet to be posted at ssa. I posted it only because of LilliLuthor, the only one who cares about my story...This part is not finished yet Lilli, that's why I ahven't posted it up at ssa, and maybe i'll need to repost this a few times before I do post at ssa.

And if you thought the last parts were inconsistant...

**SHOCK HORROR SHOCK HORROR or the Grand Adventures of Clark Luthor**

_Part 4: Brought to you by Oxy Moron (Inc.) _

Chapter1: The secret spilling frenzy

Lana's mascara was bleeding as she walked slowly into the barn. There were tears running down her smooth pale face, staining it with her eye make up as she climbed up to the loft.

Clark's super-hearing picked up on the sound of high heels and quickly got dressed. Lana had caught him when he was practicing nudism once before. It would be just a little too coincidental every time she came here, he was changing clothes. As Lionel had taught him, coincidences are an explanation used only by fools and liars.

He was back in jeans and a t-shirt by the time she came up.

"Lana, what happened?" Clark said and the girl instantly fell into his arms and burst out crying. Her sobs echoed through the entire barn and Clark wondered if she was scaring all the animals.

Eventually the girl sobered up and looked up at her ex crush. Her voice was a little raspy as she spoke.

"The army just called. (sob) Whitney went (sob) missing in action."

"Oh," Clark didn't really quite know what to say, he didn't know the other man all that well.

"Listen Clark, there's something I need to tell you. It's something we both should have told you a long, time ago, but... Well I guess we were both just scared. But well, Whitney's not here now, and he might never have the chance to tell you and he would have wanted you to know."

"Wanted me to know what?"

"Whitney's gay Clark. He's been into you for years."

'Well that was unexpected' Clark thought as his brain started to process this new information.

"But if he liked me why did he..." There was so many ways to continue that question Clark couldn't decide which one to end it with.

"String you up on a cross? He was pissed off 'cause you wanted me and not him. Never say anything? This is Smallville, Kansas where sodomy is still illegal, and his dad is a raging homophobe. Act like a complete bastard towards you? He was covering his tracks in fear of being discovered. Date me? I was his cover so no one suspects why a hot quarterback doesn't have a girl. Did I miss anything out?"

"Yeah," Clark said as she wiped the black stain of make up and tears on her face. "Why did you agree to go out with him if you knew he was gay?"

At that Lana blushed, she shifted her feet and bit her lips, wondering if she should tell him. 'Well, I did tell Whitney's secret, it won't be fair if I didn't tell mine.'

"Um...Listen, I...well there's something else I kinda have to tell you... About me...um, you see I've always kinda had a crush on you too and the reason I didn't date you is, um, well... I should just show you."

Shakily, the girl unbuttoned her tight jeans as Clark stood completely still, not quite sure what was going on as the girl pulled her pants down to her hips.

Then Clark saw the bundle under the lacy pink underwear and his jaw dropped.

The girl slipped of the frilly undergarment, showing Clark what he had guessed was in there.

It was a very well endowed schlong.

"Oh my fucking god!" Clark exclaimed and tried not to drool, the limp meat stick was long and thick, even more impressive than Clark's own and Clark couldn't help but gawk. "Chloe is a very lucky girl," Clark muttered under his breath.

"Thanks," Lana replied, seeing that Clark's eyes were almost popping out of his head. She smiled at the compliment as she stuffed the cherry popper back into her pants.

"So is that the only reason you didn't go out with me back when I had a crush on you?"

"Well kinda, I mean, if I knew that you were gonna react by drooling like you did then I would have shown it to you a lot sooner. But that's not the whole story," she said as she sat down, Clark sat next to her.

"Before High school started, Whitney found out my secret and then he told me his. We made a deal, Whitney gets a cover girlfriend, I get to be the most popular girl in school and we'll help cover each other's secret. It worked out great for a while, but then we both know that the both of us have a crush on you Clark. And when Whitney saw us together at the graveyard the first time he got pissed off and pulled the scarecrow stunt. After that...well you know we got into this huge fight and by the

end of it, we finally came up with this deal... See everyone who knows you know that you have this big secret with you...no one really knows what it is but they're all curious. So um...well, me and Whit, we um...had this deal that the first one of us who can get you to tell them your 'big secret' is the one that will go out with him. Cause we think that if you care enough about the person to tell you your secret, then you won't mind our little secret."

Lana sighed, her eyes were wet and shining again at the thought of her best friend, she hated how everything turned out. Her friend should have been here, jumping with joy like the fag he is that the man of his dreams isn't as straight as he thought he was and that his biggest rival for him had left the race. Lana didn't even get a chance to send him a letter telling him about her and Chloe yet.

Clark put his hand on her knee in a comforting gesture. "Whitney's going to be alright Lana, he'll be back."

The girl's eyes were already hurt from being rubbed too many times and she burst into tears once again, her arms going around Clark as her tear stained face fell upon the red t-shirt. "He used to talk about you all the time you know," she said almost incoherently against him. "Used to talk about how brave you were. He used to glow for d-days every time you s-saved his life. You can't save him again can you?"

It was the last coherent thing he could hear her say before the dam broke and all she could do was cling to him as the river flooded her eyes.

Clark didn't say anything, he held the girl he had come to consider as a close friend tightly in his arms as she leaned into his comforting touch. It was becoming more and more difficult to breath but Lana didn't want to move anywhere. So she just lay there as Clark rubbed her back, helping her not to choke.

The girl stopped after a while and just rested her head on his lap, both their bodies growing very still, as they looked deeply into each other's eyes. Carefully Clark pulled Lana's head up to him.

Their lips mashed together for less than a second before they pulled away from each other. Lana sat up.

"So..." Lana started after a minute of awkward silence.

"That was very…um"

"Enlightening?" Lana half asked half stated.

"I was going for confirming, but yeah," Clark said as he sighed and leaned back against the sofa. "So, it's really obvious now that we both gay, and that we only think we like each other as a form of denial."

"Well, I wouldn't exactly it gay or straight cause, you know, but yeah...That was probably why we were drawn to each other, cause we subconsciously know about each other's sexual orientation. Actually I knew about yours already but I just wanted to be certain."

"So when did initially you figure it out?"

"I think it was when Chloe called me Mr. Lang and I liked it."

"I meant, when you figured out about me but... interesting."

"I think I figured that out when you were flirting with my biological father."

"I did not!" Clark denied with a mock hurt look.

"Did too!" Lana replied in an equally juvenile tone.

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did not."

"Did too."

Clark sighed; there was no wining this argument so he just shut up. "So, friends?" Clark asked giving her his hand in offering.

"Friends" Lana took the hand and shook it roughly.

"So, what's the deal with you and Lex?" she asked suddenly.

"What's the deal with you and Chloe?" Clark countered.

Lana rolled her eyes, and then smiled dreamily. "Chloe is... I don't know what to say about her. I mean she's everything and anything but also just uniquely herself in that strange way. There's never a dull moment with her, I mean she's just so exciting. I've never met anyone so special, not even you Clark... Oh and she's a vixen in bed. Your turn Clark."

"Ok, well, I'm not really sure about me and Lex. I mean we haven't actually talked much about that. I mean he's still my big brother but well... How did you know about me and Lex anyway?"

"Oh please, he was practically dry humping the nearest object every time you walked into the room. I didn't think much about it, but when you started returning the look, I knew you two must be doing it."

Clark blushed and Lana snickered before pinching his cheeks.

"Hey!" Clark said moving slightly away from the half girl. "So, if Whitney returns, are you gonna tell him about me and Lex?"

"I don't know; do you want me too?"

"I... I don't know," Clark replied inconclusively. "Lana can I tell you a secret?"

"Sure Clark. You can tell anything, I won't tell anyone. I have my own remember?"

Clark smiled a genuine blinding white light smile at her before moving closer to whisper conspiratorially into her ears.

"I'm also sleeping with Lionel."

Lana's jaw fell off its joint for a second before she gathered it back up.

"You sick twisted little faggot!" she exclaimed, but there was a little curve to her lips and she punched him playfully "The incestuous Mickey Rainbow."

"What did you just call me?"

"Clark Jerome Julian Percival Heracles Mickey Rainbows McDonald Kent Luthor!" Lana teased in a sing-song voice.

"Don't you ever call me by my full name ever again!" Clark said warningly. "And it's Macdonwald, not McDonald. And there's no Jerome any more, they thought it would be too long."

Lana snorted before laughing even harder. "Clark Julian Percival Heracles Mickey Inc-hmmph" Lana was cut off when Clark plastered duck tape over her mouth.

"Ow, that burns," she said as rubbed at the raw skin when she pulled it out. "So how high were they when the Luthors named you that?"

"I don't really remember much of that first night as a Luthor but I think between my dad's threat of pitch forking Lionel and Lionel's cryptic metaphorical speeches, it was my mother who came up with the Mickey Rainbow on her ninth glass of wine."

Lana snorted before bursting out laughing. Clark joined in this time.

"So tell me more about Big Daddy Lion. Were you with him before or after the DNA test claims you to be his son?"

"After."

"So the incest thing is a turn on then. My, my who would have ever thought that a sweet little boy like Clark Kent would be that kinky?" She asked rhetorically "Does Lex know you're sleeping with him?"

"Actually the whole thing is a 'Luthor Family Tradition'," he said casually.

"No wonder the Luthors are so...unconventional. So how did they get you to do it with them? I highly doubt you'd just jump into their bed after they told you."

"You'd be surprised" He said as he found a chocolate bar in his backpack and took it out. He unwrapped it and took a bite. "Actually, I'm not really a Luthor."

"Yeah, yeah, I know you're a Kent-Luthor, part sweet and wholesome, farm grown, all American-"

"No, I mean it wasn't my DNA they tested" Clark cut in, deciding to tell Lana the truth for once. He felt a lot closer to the girl now more than ever and felt he could trust her.

"So who's DNA was it?"

"Pete's."

"Explains the fainting thing," Lana replied casually. The girl didn't ask anymore questions which surprised Clark, but at the same time gave him a sense of comfort.

"I better go, I still have some things to do at the Talon," she said before getting up.

"Ok, bye Lana."

"I'll see you around" she said to her friend, "Mickey Rainbow," she added before running off.

* * *

"Hey Julian," Lex greeted as Clark entered his study. 

"Hey Lex," Clark replied, with his trademark smile on his face, he took a bite out of an apple before asking with a mouthful "Wafup?"

"Don't talk with your mouth full it's-"

"Unbecoming of a Luthor, I know," he said before taking another bite.

There was a moment of silence and Clark saw something unfamiliar flicker in Lex's eyes.

"Clark, I think we need to have a long overdue talk," Lex said finally, and Clark has a sudden sinking feeling in his stomach. The teen sat himself down opposite his 'brother'. Another moment of silence passed before finally Lex started speaking.

"Listen Clark, I know that there hasn't been a lot of discussion on the issue of what we do together, as a family." The discomfort on Lex's face told Clark exactly which family activity he was talking about. The teen blushed as he was instantly reminded of when Jonathan and Martha Kent had 'the talk' with him.

"Lex I-"

"No Julian; listen, I know that it had been more than a bomb dropped on you when you found out me and dad together. And I knew you went along with the whole thing after but-"

"Lex, I enjoyed it, it's not like you and daddy forced me into it," Clark's blushed deepen as he thought of that first night.

"I know, Clark. But I've passed by your loft earlier today. I saw you with Lana."

'Oh shit!' Clark thought, his mind filling up with images instilled in him by Jonathan. What's left of his body floating in glass tank filled with bubbly green liquid as scientists dissected his still struggling slimy alien organs which could have been any part of his extraterrestrial anatomy. Clark gulped.

Even though he didn't tell Lana the whole thing, Lex could start questioning him about the DNA test, and even though Lex promised not to investigate him, he was sure he would now. And this time, he might actually find something, and as much as he trusts Lex, he doesn't quite trust the obsessive scientist in him.

"What did you hear?" Clark asked, he was sure a look of horror was evident on his face. Lex on the other hand was a perfect mask of calm.

"I only stayed to witness your kiss. What I-"

"Lex; that kiss lasted less than a second. Lana is with Chloe now, you know that, they're crazy about each other."

"Obviously not that crazy about her if she's sneaking into your loft and kissing you Clark."

"She just wanted confirmation that we were both gay," Clark explained.

At that Lex nodded understandingly, but the conversation was not over yet.

"Well either way this discussion has been long overdue. Now I know that the relationship within this family isn't entirely platonic, but neither is it romantic or purely sexual either. It must be very confusing for you" Lex took a drink from the Ty-nant water. Clark's green eyes were sparked with interest as he watched Lex wrapped his lips around the blue bottle, his throat working the liquid down.

"Sure Lex," Clark said, not really listening to what Lex was saying. He barely noticed himself speaking.

Lex sat himself down on the desk, his blue eyes fixing intensely on Clark's, concern shining through them.

"If there was a course in Luthor relationships then it would have been compulsory for you to take it, unfortunately it's not. I just wanted you to know that as a member of this family, you are completely free to date whoever you want...despite what dad might say. I know that this relationship we have might make it more difficult to date and if it's making you uncomfortable in anyway you can always talk to me about it. We're not gonna force you into anything...well at least I'm not."

Clark smiled brightly before putting his arms around Lex's waist and pulling him close for a tender but passionate kiss.

By the time they pulled apart, both of them were flushed from lack of oxygen, their clothes equally dishellved as Clark's fingers played with Lex's left nipple beneath the purple fabric.

"You can never force me into any of this Lex," he said between kisses on Lex's collarbone, "Unless, you count the force of your sexiness making me do it."

Lex gave him a sultry smile.

In response, Clark wiped Lex's things off the desk, papers flying, before he threw his brother onto its wooden surface and proceeded to devour him.

* * *

Jonathan Kent was visibly shaking with no small amount of fear masked by raging anger as he stormed through the halls of the drafty castle, not even stopping to look for trap doors or secret passages this time as he head to the war room to see his blond lover. 

"Jonathan, how lovely to see you again," Lionel said, expecting the intrusion.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS LIONEL?" Jonathan asked a little too loudly as he placed the octagonal key that Lionel had given to him onto the table.

Lionel knew exactly what it was that Jonathan had just put down. He can probably even give a rather accurately guess as to when and where Jonathan had opened his gift to him, and his reaction upon seeing the octagonal shaped metal within the little blue box.

Lionel knew Jonathan very well, knew that he was still as predictable as he's ever been, despite his paranoia and ridiculous absurdities.

"What does the object mean to you Jonathan?" Lionel countered casually, painting the perfect picture of calm elegance.

Jon's lips tighten in response, like a piano string wound just a little too tight. The man shifted his feet, much like his son does when he was nervous, but there was an angry edge to it as his mind seemed to race for an answer. He realized now that he had given himself away by showing Lionel that the key is important, maybe that was what Lionel had planned all along; to use him to get to his secret.

Either way he knew he couldn't break it off with Lionel, not because he was such a great lover (even though he is), but also because he's still on a mission. That's what he needs to keep reminding himself. That this is just a mission; a chance for him to get up close and personal with Lionel so he could discover his evil plans and reveal it to the rest of the world.

And so he keeps telling himself that.

It just so happens that he's shouldn't be telling it to himself, aloud.

Lionel smirked as he heard Jonathan mumbled to himself about the 'secret' Anti-Luthor Society and his 'spy mission' though he didn't say anything and chose to let the man rambled on and spilled out all of his secrets.

Lionel had expected the spy thing from the start; why else would Jonathan just show up one morning and tell him that he misses him, but it was interesting to hear it from the man's own lips when he doesn't even realize he's saying it.

After a few minutes of ranting Jonathan slumped down onto a nearby chair, his hands rubbing against his forehead. The lines of age etching his face as his tense body began to unwind in defeat. He looked up at Lionel with pleading blues eyes as if begging him not to ask.

He'd almost forgotten that the other man is blind.

The blond man glanced at the octagon laying almost innocently on Lionel's desk. How long had he known Lionel? Why hadn't he ever learnt how to play this game Lionel played before?

Jonathan shook his fears away and put the octagon into his pocket before walking confidently over to Lionel.

"Thanks for the gift," he said as he leaned down to give the man a forceful kiss.

"Bye Lionel, I have to go feed the cows" he said before walking away, smirking.

TBC


	17. Pt4, Chapter 2: My gay pretend boyfriend...

Hi, I'm back... god knows why... _sighs _I am nothing, and nothing is complete within itself therefore I don't really need anything I just think that I do... I've forgotten why that is.

Ok, I think my story just gotten worse... I dunno why I'm still writing. And Calicoskies, I do plan to write a shorter story, not fluff or serious but stupid like this one. Just alot shorter and probably a little less stupid. Unfortunately, I wrote a bit of it and it vanished to somewhere... I can't seem to find it.

**Chapter 2: My gay pretend boyfriend's back!?**

Next morning at school.

"Duck!"

Clark dropped reflectively to the floor as Chloe aimed her water gun at the guy behind him. The high pressure stream of water catching him by surprise as his hand automatically went to cover his face.

Today Chloe was wearing a camouflage, complete with green and brown paint on her face and sticks in her hair, which contrasts completely with the gigantic neon orange and purple water gun she carried. She ceased her attack of water on the defenseless and random guy and hid behind Clark's broad frame.

"Cover me," she whispered.

"You crazy bitch!" the man screamed as the girl hid behind a very confused Clark.

Then out of nowhere Lana jumped up behind the guy and pinned him to the locker door.

"Don't you dare talk to her like that!" she said before pushing his head hard against the metal. Unlike Chloe, she didn't have green paint all over her face, but was wearing a camouflage patterned tank top with over sized army pants and boots. Despite the fact that she was the exact same (short) height she was before, she seemed a lot more intimidating.

"Lana, let the guy go," Clark said as he pat his friend on the back in an attempt to calm her down. The girl dropped the guy and turned to face Clark. She was aiming her bright green and red water gun at him.

"Ok, Lana calm down. Don't do this. Put the water gun down ok? Lex picked out this shirt for me and its dry clean onl-"

The violent sprays of water shot into his chest and Clark can see the brunette smirking at him out of the corner of his wet eyes. Chloe came out from behind Clark and put her arms around Lana causing the girl to stop.

"Clark's a double agent," Chloe whispered too loudly. "He's actually on our side."

Lana nodded, the smirk still on her face as she handed Clark a towel from out of nowhere.

"Thanks," he said as he wiped his face in the fluffy white fabric. He noticed that there was a golden 'LL' imprinted on it. Lana must have stolen it from the Luthor mansion during her sleep over two nights ago.

The boy's super hearing picked up a stunned gasp from the end of the hallway and when he turned to look, the crowd was parting almost in slow motion.

The crowd parted into two sides as a man walked down the hallway. His stride confident and his shiny shoes clicked against the floor. His badge gleamed against his navy uniform as he made his way towards them.

Lana's dark eyes brightened as she started running towards him. Seeing his bright blue eyes brighten as she came near.

"WHITNEY!!!" Lana screamed as she tackled him to the ground.

"Ow!" he exclaimed as his head hit the floor.

"Sorry," Lana said against his cheeks. "I just really missed you," she said as she gave him a peck on the cheek. Whitney gave her a smile that could have competed with Clark's in its literally blinding brightness.

"You look beautiful," he said as he leaned into her and sniffed. He didn't pull away until Lana was sure all the air around her neck had been sucked away. The blond soldier then gave a huge sigh.

"Did you know I was coming?" he asked as he noticed her outfit.

Lana smiled, 'how typically Whitey to ask about her outfit first...the sniffing was probably just a part of the act they had', she thought as she put his behavior to the back of her mind.

"No, I was just playing water war with Chloe," Lana said as she gestured over to the now pouting girl covered in camouflage. "You were missing in action Whit, no one really expected you to be back, especially not so soon. I didn't even start on my denial phase yet. I'm so glad you're here."

Whitney fixed his pale blue eyes on the brunette's tank top. They were so intense that Lana unconsciously rubbed against her top to see if there were holes burnt into it. The girl looked back at her pretend ex boyfriend strangely.

"What's up with you?" she asked as she got up off the floor, giving Whitney a hand.

"Nothing Lana, nothing at all. I just never want to leave you ever again" he answered as he kissed he offered hand. If he noticed her shudder, he didn't show it.

* * *

"So..." The silence hangs in the air like a wrecking ball above them as Lana looked away from the blue eyes of the person she used to be so comfortable with. The 'couple' was now at the Fordmans' and the girl was staring blankly at the plate of sugar cookies.

"It's so nice to have everything back to _normal_" Mrs. Fordman said as she entered the room with two glasses of milk. "My son and the prettiest girl in school, nothing_ queer_ here at all. Everything is back to how it was suppose to be, everything completely _straightened_ out."

"Yeah sure," Lana replied with the fakest smile in the history of the universe. The brunette always knew what her friend's mum is like but that doesn't mean she isn't bothered by it. Mrs. Fordman knew that her son is gay, but she just refuses to acknowledge it, tried everyway she can to make him suppress it. At first Lana had thought it was because she was afraid Whitney's violently homophobic father would hurt Whitney, but now...

Whitney just gave her an idiotic smile, like he didn't even notice. Lana couldn't stand it anymore.

"Mrs. Fordman I know you miss your son but could we have some alone time for a moment please. I promise I won't do anything."

"Of course dear, oh how silly of me, you young lovebirds would want to spend some alone time together, that's a perfectly _normal_ thing to want." the woman said as she placed the milk on the table and walked out.

"Whitney what's wrong with you?" Lana asked the moment Mrs. Fordman was out of earshot.

"What do you mean Lana?"

"You've been acting very different from before. I'm your best friend, I know you more than anyone ever did. What happened out there?"

The love sick puppy eyes disappeared form his face, replaced with a more serious expression.

"Well Lana, you see um... Actually I don't remember anything at all. I woke up at the hospital and everyone filled me in on everything but I don't actually remember any of it. The only surviving memory is that of your angelic face and I knew you were the one I love the most. I came back hoping that you would help me remember everything and then we could start a new future together. Just you and me, we'd be so happy together."

Lana suppressed the urge to puke.

"So I have to go get ready for your party soon. Would you like the help me pick an outfit?"

Whitney simply looked confused for a moment, and then he stood up, moving in close, his body towering over her small build. Before Lana can registered what was happening, Whitney kissed her.

"mmmph," the sound escaped from the girl's lips, before she pushed him away.

"I'm sorry Whitney, but I can't do this."

"I'm sorry, this must be so sudden for you. It's ok, I can wait, I can wait forever for you."

"Right, well I have to go get dressed now, see you at the party," she said before practically running out of the place and gagging.

* * *

The back room of the Talon was quiet compared to the bustling outside, a place for privacy as the waiters and waitresses decorated the Egyptian/Assyrian walls with glittering lights and giant banners. Quiet that is, until Chloe opened her mouth.

"What?! But that is not possible!" Chloe screamed in outrage, there was a hint of a fake Russian accent in her voice. "A gay man doesn't just become straight. It's defying the laws of gayness everywhere."

Lana sighed as she looked Chloe who had a curly red haired wig on her head resulting in her looking like a deranged doll.

Lana and Chloe are both dressed in pleated plaid skirts which reminded Lana of the Sailor Senshi outfit they once wore except the skirt seemed even shorter if that was even possible. The white cotton shirt, though not as tight as before, was made of a much thinner material, resulting in an almost clear view of both the girl's bras.

Lana looked appreciatively at Chloe's red lacy ones and was glad for her lover's t.A.T.u. obsessed phase. She didn't even mind cutting her hair short to resemble that of Lena what'shername.

"Lena, are you listening to me?"

"Oh, um yeah. Defying the physics of gayness, I'm listening," Lana said, repeating the only part of Chloe's speech she heard.

"So how do you suppose it happened?"

"I don't think he's turned straight really. I just think he simply…Forgot that he's gay. I mean he said he doesn't remember anyone else but me, that's probably only cause I'm his best friend. Something really terrible must have happened to him if he can't even remember Clark who he claimed was 'the love of his life'."

Chloe nodded in agreement. "So what should we do?"

"I dunno, remind him I suppose."

"So are you going to tell him?...About us?" There were hints of insecurity in Chloe's voice.

"Of course we will C'lo. We'll tell him when he arrives at the party, and then reintroduce him to Clark. Maybe that will jog his memories" she said before pulling Chloe down onto her lap and kissing her nose affectionately. "Now, stop worrying about such trivial matters. We have more pressing issues to attend to" she emphasized this point by pressing her erection against Chloe's cheeks.

The girl smiled back deviously, "I thought we had a party to plan."

Lana just smiled at her before catching her lips between her own, tasting Chloe's cotton candy lip balm as she sucked on the shiny pink lips and bit on them playfully before opening her mouth to Chloe's sharp tongue, licking at her teeth and sucking her mouth like it was the most delicious thing in the world.

Black nails scraped over Chloe's pale skin as Lana slipped her hand inside her shirt to cup her breast, squeezing them, rubbing them before slipping inside the red laced bra to pinch at her left nipple. Chloe's moan was stolen from her by Lana's lips.

"You're so beautiful," Lana whispered to her, her voice husky and deep and it caressed Chloe like silk, her breath hot and Chloe couldn't help thrusting up against her lover. Lana moved her lips onto Chloe's neck, leaving suck and bite marks on them, wishing they would stay on her forever. Mark Chloe as hers forever.

Lana's other hand moved up pale thighs, urging them to spread apart before she slipped her hand under pleated skirt. Her touch was feather light when it reached the lacy fabric beneath, the material becoming wetter by the second.

Chloe's moan was muffled again, this time by a strange noise coming from the pipes, but neither of the girls took notice as they continue to fondle each other. Lana's erection was tenting the skirt she wore as Chloe rubbed against it, the friction causing Lana to throw her head back in pleasure as Chloe's hand stared to message her breasts.

The fabric of Chloe's underwear was now slick and thin with moisture as Lana's own stretched against the long length. Chloe slipped Lana's black lace down to her knees as Lana's fingers slipped inside her underwear to play with the blond curls there. Her finger pressed into Chloe's heated wet passage as Chloe's fingers played with the slit on her uncut cock. Lana hissed in response, her own fingers thrusting deeper inside her lover before pulling out, then in again.

As Chloe's hand wrap around Lana's length, she felt something wet touching her leg, but by that point she was too horny to care. She smirked as Lana murmured her name, begging her as she pumped the weeping erection.

The cool wet surface that touched Chloe's legs began climbing up her leg slowly. Almost seductively as she thrusts against Lana's fingers. It was up to her thigh before Chloe noticed it and froze.

Noticing the horrified look on Chloe's face, Lana became concern, but before she can ask, the wetness began rubbing against her bare legs.

Lana looked down to see that it was water. A huge puddle of water.

And it was molesting her.

Chloe screamed as the water puddle moved up to her panties and seeped inside it. The water was doing the same to Lana but she didn't care, anger was boiling inside her. It was directed at this liquid fiend as it touched Chloe. Her Chloe.

Pissing Lana Lang off was never a good idea, and to say that this thing was pissing her off would be an understatement of the century.

"I'll be back Chloe" she said in Terminator fashion before bursting out the door.

* * *

The water was soaking through the brunette's thin white shirt now and the waiters and some patrons were staring pointedly at her breasts but she didn't care as she quickly ran up to the office.

"I knew I kept one here somewhere," she mumbled as she emptied the contents of the drawers there. After the office was properly trashed, she found what she was looking for.

A hair dryer.

With the weapon in hand, she ran back downstairs, ignoring the strange looks everyone was giving her as she plugged the hair dryer in. She held the hair dryer like she would a pistol and kicked the door in.

Chloe was choking on water as it held her hostage. It was clinging onto her body like a giant leech as she frantically flapped her arms like a drowning dog. Her red wig was soaking wet as her skirt rippled underneath the water showing off red panties.

The heated wind was put on full scale as Lana aimed her weapon against the liquid covering her girlfriend's mouth. After a few seconds it let her mouth go and Chloe sputtered out the water.

Lana aimed the hair dryer lower to chase the water away, but the moment she moved the weapon somewhere else, the water moved back to covering Chloe's mouth.

After half an hour of blowing at the water (luckily the creature didn't cover Chloe's nose) the creature got irritated and let go of Chloe. The girl ran over to her girlfriend's side and as they both held each other the creature morphed itself into a big wave.

Lana blew hot wind at it but it didn't work. The creature charged, coming at them like a giant predator opening its mouth to devour their prey.

Cold water washed over the two girls as they clung to each other. Hair dryer was knocked right out of Lana's hand as it short circuited in the water. The girl edged to the opposite end of the room as blue sparks flew. The girls stood up on a plastic table as the creature twisted and turn as electric currents ran through its watery body.

Eventually, the creature dropped to the ground, its watery contents flooding the room.

Cautiously Lana stepped down from the table. The water rippled around her Docs as she treads on it carefully. Once she was in the middle of the room, she thumped her feet against the floor hard, casing the water to splash up before gravity overcame it and it dropped back to the flooded floor.

After making sure that it was safe, the brunette extended her hand to help her counterpart down.

"You alright?" Lana asked as the taller girl, who was now hugging her tightly. The girl nodded against her breasts before Lana lead them towards the door.

Just as Lana's hand reached the knob, Chloe's feet got caught.

The girl screamed as she tried to get away from the hand that held onto her, but it was useless. The dihydrogen monoxide creature just held her ankle tighter as Lana used all of her strength to keep Chloe from being dragged back into the liquid.

Chloe had never liked tug of war as a child, now she positively hated it as she groped for Lana, her nails digging into the other girl's perfect skin but it didn't matter now as the wetness crept up her legs again.

Lana pulled hard against the fiend, not noticing that it had come up behind her. Luckily Chloe did and tried to give a signal. Lana's face simply scrunched up at Chloe's strange facial expression.

"What?" she asked as she turned around.

But it was too late; the creature had already formed another wave, bigger this time as it knocked the girl off her feet.

The creature had morphed once again to form a large fish tank with the girls swimming inside it. The water pressure was increasing around them, keeping them inside it as they struggled to get away.

Chloe felt something inside the water. It was invisible but obviously hard, long and definitely phallic. The girl grabbed it tightly and squeezed it as hard as she could. The shriek vibrated through the water as her finger tips claw at it until she felt something like skin underneath her nails.

Once the creature lowers its hold on her, Chloe swam for it. Her body shot out of the water and onto the floor in a thud. Luckily, it was her arms and not her head that hit the ground. Spitting out the water she scrambled up off the floor, turning back to see Lana gesturing wildly at her purse at the end of the room.

See that the water thing was starting to come after her again, she grabbed it and ran out of the room.

* * *

"Chloe what happened?" one of the waitress asked but the girl didn't even notice her as she found the nearest table and poured out all the contents of the purse. A ridicules amount of stuff came tumbling out from inside the small container. From everyday objects such as combs and pens to long heavy chains and mousetraps. The things piled itself up on the table, at least 50 of it consisting of candy wrappers that Lana had eaten and forgotten to thrown away.

Finally the last piece fell onto the pile. It was a miniature cell phone, barely visible among the mess in front of her. On the back of it read In case of emergency dial 5.

The girl did as instructed and waited for it to be picked up.

"Hello," Clark's voice sounded at the other end. He sounded as if he'd run a marathon across the continent.

"Clark! You have to come to the Talon now!"

"Not now Lex." Chloe rolled her eyes as she heard the guy moan. "CLARK STOP FUCKING AND GET YOUR ASS OVER TO THE TALON NOW!!!"

"Yeah, coming Chloe," he said, there were sounds of clothes ruffling in the background.

"And it's not Chloe its Julia, Julia Volkava."

Clark knew Chloe well enough that he wasn't surprised. "What's the emergency?"

"There's a mutant attacking. It got my Lena. I managed to escape, but she's still in there, she told me to call you. Hurry Clark, please."

Suddenly there was a gust of wind blowing pass her. She vaguely saw a blur of red and blue.

"Where is it?" Clark asked as Chloe turned around to face him, a confused look on her face.

"I was um... making out with Lex in the car. That's how I got here so quickly. We were parked just around the corner," the teen lied once again, though it was more believable than any of his other lies. Probably another side affect of becoming a Luthor.

"Right," Chloe replied, not commenting on the fact that it was highly unlikely that the two brothers would be getting it on in broad day light in Lex's car in the center of the town in a place like Kansas. They weren't that stupid. The girl didn't comment on it though, it was actually a better excuse than most of the ones she had heard before plus, they have a mutant to diminish.

"Lena's in the backroom, this way," the wigged teen said as she lead to way to the door.

Clark gasped as he saw the aquarium Lana was swimming in, what shocked him was the fact that there were no glass containing the water. In al his years in this town, he'd never seen anything like this. He didn't even notice that Lana was only in her plaid skirt and a lacy black bra.

"Have you tried drying it?" Clark asked.

"Yes, it didn't work."

Clark thought about it for a bit. He considered freezing the thing but Lana was still inside it. It would also be revealing his powers to his friends, putting them in danger and all that other stuff his father had warned him about.

The creature saw that it had more company. It started shifting again as a liquid tentacle moved towards them.

Suddenly, an idea struck Clark and he grabbed Chloe by the hand. He took them both out the door and went behind the counter. As quickly as he could without super speeding he looked through the cabinets underneath it.

"Ah ha!" he said as he got out a crate pull of instant jello.

He took the entire crate back to the back room.

"Chlo- I mean Julia, create a diversion for me."

The girl went up to the creature and got it's tentacles to chase her around as Clark started ripping of the packages and pouring the gelatin into the water.

Eventually Chloe was caught and the thing turned its attention to Clark. By that time the jello was already mixing with the water and Clark started blowing his cool mint breath at the monster. He didn't blow hard enough for it to froze, but it was enough for the jello to start forming, causing the creature to slowing down.

Lana and Chloe had already passed out so Clark super speeded around it till all of it became lime green jello and it stopped moving except to wiggle whenever Clark poked it.

Clark dug the girls out of it and placed them both on the floor. He gave Chloe CPR first. When she was spitting out jelly and finally breathing properly he moved onto Lana.

Suddenly the door burst open. Whitney stood stiffly at the door, his face red with rage.

"Get away from my girl Kent!" He yelled as he pushed Clark out of the way with a force stronger than that of a human being. He picked the near naked and unconcious girl off the floor and glared menacingly at Clark. Then out of nowhere he brought out a large chunk of green rock.

"I know your weakness Kent. Stay away from us."

ThenWhitney produced out of nowhere, a bottle of green spray,then sprayed Clark with it, causing him to fall down onto the floor, clutching his skin in pain

"Lena! No!" Chloe screamed as she jumped onto the blonde's back, trying to get him to let go. He threw her off like brushing lint off a suit.

The blond held Lana tightly as he made his way out the back entrance. Clark weakly focused his eyes, x-raying him only to find his skeleton glowing green.

"Tina Greer," he said .

"Finally figured it out didn't you Clark? Sorry but it's too late, I'm gonna take Lana away to where no one can find her and we'll be together happily ever afte-"

"Hey! Where Are you going with her," another person said as he burst out through the door.

This person was dressed in tight torn jeans, a tight light blue t-shirt and a bomber jacket with a black eye patch over his left eye. He seemed familiar but Clark couldn't really place him and it was rather obvious why. The man's wild dirty blond hair flow down his back as the long beard covered all of his face except for his pink lips and pale blue eyes.

"Wherever the hell I want."

"Not if I can help it," the wild blond man said as he charged towards the imposter. The girl in the body of Whitney pushed him away with forced that caused him to fly up, his body hitting the ceiling before coming down.

"Oh fuck!" the guy said as Chloe was pushed out of the way. When Clark tried to get up and grabbed Tina by the edge of her pants she sprayed him once more.

This time he went out like a light.

**TBC**

Really lame right? I know, I was as shocked by the lameness as you...


	18. Pt4, Chapter 3: Jinkies! or Bastardisati...

Ok this is basically crap, and its the last chapter I have written cause I think I just got a writer's block... actually my muse Eva had run off to Tahiti with Luceil but then I had a new muse for a while and she was a green fairy but then Eva got back and she was jealous so she killed her and now's she's disappeared again. So now I have a writer's block... anyway I hope this isn't too bad.

**Chapter 3: Jinkies!**

The meteor rock spray dissipated eventually. By that time both Chloe and the blond man had dragged Clark onto a sofa and had closed down the Talon, placing a sign that says Closed due to manager being kidnapped.

"Clark, are you alright?" the blond man said as his hands rubbed at Clark's biceps.

"Yeah, I'm ok," the teen said as he got up and looked into the smiling face.

"Whitney?" He squinted as he stared at the blond. He had found the time to shave while Clark was out and was now more recognizable as the ex football captain everyone at Smallville High adored. He ran his hand over his messy long hair as Chloe gave him a glass of water.

"He'll be alright" the girl said. She was currently dressed in a Xena Warrior Princess outfit complete with the large breasted body armor and sword strapped to her back.

Whitney ignored her, Lana had already told him about Chloe. He was rather surprised to find out that she and Chloe were dating what with Lana's obsession with the beautiful Clark Kent. Whitney was very glad for that, now he had less competition for Clark.

"Are you sure you're alright Clark? You seem tense. Perhaps I could give you a massage?" Whitney asked; his voice deep and seductive as his hands moved to Clark's shoulders and squeezed at his hard muscles.

"No Whitney its ok you don't have to...oh that feels good" Clark moaned as Whitney messaged him, calloused hands rubbing at his neck and shoulders. "Mmmm..."

"Hey, you two, stop wasting time. We must find Lana" Chloe said with irritation.

Clark got up instantly. Whitney pouted.

"Yeah, you're right Xena, we must find her."

"And where do you suppose we start?" Whitney asked as he got up.

"We should check at the Greer's resident. She probably won't be there but there should be some clue as to wear she could hide," Chloe said, her reporter's instinct amazingly still intact.

"Well, I'm usually not part of this Scooby gang but I guess I could tag along. Lana is my best friend after all" Whitney said, 'plus I get to spend time with Clark' he thought.

"I think we should get Pete first, he's been left out too much as it is," Clark suggested as he thought of his best friend.

"We left him out for a reason Clark; I don't want anyone fainting on the job."

"I promise I won't bring up Luthors. I mean, we need all the help we can get."

"Alright fine, we'll go get him," Chloe said as she led the trio out of the Talon.

* * *

"Oh my god!" Whitney exclaimed dramatically as the van came down the street. Chloe had told them to wait in front of the coffee shop while she went to get the van but none of them were expecting this.

Clark and Pete tried their hardest not to laugh hysterically. Clark had already filled his friend in on the situation and now they were waiting as the bright blue, orange and green vehicle parked itself in front of them.

The words 'Mystery Machine' was painted in bright orange on the side of the van.

No one was surprised as Chloe jumped out dressed in an orange jumper, a red pleated skirt and orange knee socks. The over sized glasses made her eyes look bug-like and the brunette bob looked slightly lopsided on her head.

"What's so funny Fred?" The girl asked. That was when Whitney realized that he was conveniently blond and dressed in blue. At least he wasn't wearing any tacky orange scarf that complete clashed with the rest of his outfit.

"Nothing Velma," Whitney said as he draped his arms around Clark. Pete looked at the ex football captain strangely for a minute before turning his attention back to Chloe.

"What are you guys waiting for? Get in. Fred, you drive," Chloe said as she threw him the key.

"Hey, are you sure it's a good idea to let a one eyed man drive?" Pete asked as he looked at Whitney's eye patch.

"Here, you drive Shaggy," Whit said as he threw the keys to Pete.

"If he's Shaggy then who the hell am I?" Clark asked as they all got into the van.

"Scooby?" Pete suggested with a wide grin. Clark just sighed.

"What's that!??" Whitney said. He was sitting at the back of the van, staring out through the glass.

"What is it?" Clark asked as he went to investigate

"I don't know, I think I saw someone following us. Someone in a military uniform."

"Well I don't see anything." Clark said as he used his supervision and x-ray vision to scan the area. Nothing.

"I don't see nothing either." Pete said as he looked out into the empty street behind them. "Are you sure you're alright Whitney?"

"Yeah, I'm ok. It was probably nothing."

Clark looked at the blond man skeptically for a minute. "Whitney, what happened to you when you went missing?"

"I-I don't remember," Whitney's facial expression was one of both realization and confusion at the same time. As if the thought had never occurred to him. "All I remember was that my comrades and I were in the jungle. There was an explosion and the next thing I know I'm back in Smallville."

"So you don't remember anything of the time you went missing?"

"No."

"How strange," Chloe stated obviously as they all got out of the van. Whitney looked around nervously as he did so. He still felt like he was being followed.

* * *

Breaking and Entering had been the gang's usual method of entrance, but nobody seemed to notice or care as the team went in.

The Greer's Antique shop was in shambles as they walked in. There was a thick layer of dust covering everything, and it reeked of a dank smell. After Tina was sent to the asylum, the place went to her cousin, Sara McKean who is now desperate to sell it though there are no buyers.

"I think we should split up," Whitney said as they stood, looking awkwardly at each other as they stood in the middle of the room. "Clark and I will be looking for clues upstairs. You guys stay downstairs ok?" Whitney didn't wait for an answer. He simply grabbed Clark by the arm and dragged him up to the second floor leaving behind a confused Velma and Shaggy.

* * *

Tina's room was a typical teenager's room. Meaning it was in a complete mess. There were clothes lying everywhere, books and papers strewn across the floor and random bits of stationary on the bed. Whitney gave a disgusted look as he clung onto Clark.

The brunette ignored the blond and began searching for clues. Or at least tried to ignore him, till he felt a hand ran up inside his shirt. He turned around to look at the blond.

"Whitney, don't you think we should be- mmmph!" Clark was suddenly attacked by a pair of warm but slightly chapped lips. Whitney's tongue was rough and quick as it explored to contours of Clark's mouth.

The kissed lasted only for a moment before Whitney let go.

"God, you're beautiful," he said breathily before moving to nip at Clark's ears and moving down; his short rough stubble rubbing against his face. "I've been wanting you for so long Clark."

Clark gasped as Whitney pressed the bulge of his crotch against him and instinctively pushed back. Whitney licked his lips as his talented hands began to message the front of Clark's jeans. Waves of pleasure shot down through his body and he barely registered as Whitney ripped his silk shirt off and tried to mark the unmarkable skin. Clark moaned as Whitney's lips found the sensitive nubs and he arched so violently the other man almost fell off him.

"HOLY SHIT! MY EYES! MY EYES!"

Clark was sure he blushed so hard that the capillaries in his face to popped.

"Pete! We were just um..." Clark paused as he pushed Whitney away. Apparently the blood was still too condensed in his nether regions for him to think up any excuses.

"Making out," Whitney stated truthfully. Clark glared at him.

"What?" He replied with an innocent look.

"Whatever. I don't want to know. Velma sent me up to get y'all. She's found a clue."

"Alright, tell her we'll be down in 15 minutes," Whitney as he squeezed Clark's ass. The guy yelped.

Pete simply rolled his eyes. "Fine; whatever man. I need to go wash my eyes out with soap." Pete aid as he walked out the door.

"Pete, wait!" Clark called after him as he ran out the room.

"What?"

"Pete, I think we should talk." Clark said seriously.

"Yeah?"

"Well about what you saw in there. I um... Well I just wanted to tell you that I'm-"

"Gay? It's alright Clark. Don't worry about it. You weren't ready to come out, it's understandable."

"Really?" Clark asked with a sheepish look on his face. "So you're not freaked out or anything?"

"Clark, I didn't care that you're an alien, why should I care if you like dicks instead of chicks?" Pete smiled reassuringly at his best friend. "Besides, I've already had plenty of time to get used to the idea." He added.

Clark beamed at his friend; then caught the last sentence. "Wait, what do you mean you had plenty of time to get used to it?"

"Well, just about everyone in Smallville knows that you slept with Lex Luthor."

"WHAT???!!!"

"It was all over the school last year Clark. Everyone was talking about it. Clark Kent, reclusive nerd got himself a sugar daddy. I didn't actually believe it until I actually saw you guys together. I mean, if it wasn't Chloe who run the Torch, that story would have been front page news."

"But I didn't sleep with Lex last year!"

"Aw! Come on Clark, you don't need to lie to me. Everyone knows. You've been so openly flirting with each other ever since you met."

"What flirting??!!"

"Stop doing that Clark. There's no point in lying, I just saw you make out with Whitney. You're coming out of the closet so you might as well admit to everything. I mean that thing where you claim that you and Lex are "brothers", that is so not right. I mean if me and my brothers were ever like that, I mean, I don't even want to think about it."

"Pete! I'm serious. I didn't start sleeping with him until about a month ago. And I didn't fully realize I was gay until about 2 days ago."

Pete paused and gave Clark a look. "Well in that case, man, you're slow! Anyway, I'm glad you're finally over him. I never trusted that Luthor anyway. Whitney's a much better choice. "

"Um... Thanks Pete," Clark said as he shifted his feet. "Let's go see that new clue Chloe found," he said suddenly, grateful for the change of subject.

"Alright then, let's go get your boyfriend then we'll go down."

* * *

"Jinkies!"

"Man! That's nasty!"

"That has got to be the sickest thing I have ever seen in my entire life!"

"I dunno, I thought that Lionel doing it with play boy bunny Le-" Chloe stopped mid sentence as she realized Clark was glaring at her. "Never mind."

They were all staring into a gigantic cardboard box which Chloe had found under the floor board. In all there years of living in Smallville, nothing shocked them quite as much as what is currently inside the box.

Vintage Disney Porn!!!

And by porn, I don't mean Snow White/Prince Charming type porn. I mean Snow White/ Queen/ Small Disney Animals type porn. There were stacks of these pictures piled up inside the boxes; original prints with the animator's signature on them. It wasn't framed and Chloe can feel the dried paint on her fingers as she touched it.

"Velma, would you mine telling me exactly how pornographic cartoons are considered clues?" Clark asked, wondering if the girl had finally cracked completely.

"You guys might not have noticed this, but if you look at the back of some of the Aladdin section, there are markings on it." Chloe said as she got the Aladdin stack out of the crate and showed them.

"They just look like tiny dots of ink to me."

"Yes, but not this one." She said as she handed them an especially kinky one of a chained up and gagged Princess Jasmine, bonded to a very painful looking torture device and censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored

Clark tried to ignore the picture on the front and turned to the back of the paper. There was a big red 'X' in the top right hand corner of it.

"Looks like a pirate map."

"I think we should look for all the ones with markings behind it. If we can some how combine it all together, we could create a map that will lead us to her hide out" Chloe said as she started stacking up the pictures for the gang to search.

* * *

"New Orleans, she's going to New Orleans. Some where along the Mississippi River"

"New Orleans! We can't just all go to New Orleans! How are we gonna get there? What about school?"

"It's Friday. We could take the weekend to look for her."

"But what if we don't find her in two days?"

"It's my Daphne, Clark. I know that she's not your crush any more but she's still your friend. We can't just let the monster take her away without a fight."

"Yeah, I know. I've been her guardian angel for a long time; just because I'm gay now doesn't change anything. I just think we need an actual plan. We can't just all pack our bags and leave to go on a wild goose chase."

"I agree with him. We should try to narrow it down a bit so we know where to look. " Whitney said, his body still clinging to Clark after hours of holding on to him like a life support. "Then maybe we could ask our parents if we can go on this little trip. We can tell them Lex has a holiday mansion over there or something."

"Good idea Whitney, but I'll have to ask Lex about that first. I don't know what he'll say to that."

"Ok, so now that we know which city she's going, let's go dig up more clues. Scooby, you go back to sniffing upstairs with Fred."

Clark sighed before walking back up stairs with his newly gained liana vines.

* * *

The moment the door clicked shut, Whitney's lips were back on Clarks. The teen was caught completely off guard and fell down onto the floor. Clark was grateful that they didn't fall through the floor instead but all thoughts escaped his mind as he felt Whitney's erection rub against him again.

"I sent you guys up to look for clues not to suck face!!" Chloe shouted rang from downstairs. The two mouths broke apart.

"We really should-" Clark started as he looked at Whitney lying on top of him.

"Yeah, Lana's our friend, we really gotta-" and then Whitney's mouth was back on Clark's again.

"I mean it guys!" another shout rang from downstairs.

Clark sighed as Whitney slowly got off of him.

They spend the next few minutes looking through Tina's things before the discomfort of the silence took over Clark.

"Whitney, I think we should talk."

"Umm...alright Clark" Whitney replied with a tinged of nervousness. 'Oh my god! He isn't gonna tell me he wants to be just friends does he?' he thought to himself. 'What if Lana was wrong and he isn't really gay or hasn't decided to come out yet. Or worst, what if he already has a boyfriend?'

"What is it, Clark?" he asked finally.

"Listen, um... I know from Lana that you really have a thing for me but err... It's just that from the moment you arrived you've been kinda...Well you've been jumping me every time we're alone together and from what Lana described to me I thought you'd want something more than that." Clark continued before Whitney could open his mouth to reply, "I mean it's ok if you do. I mean I'm not an idealistic, romantic, blushing virgin anymore" he blushed slightly at that, "not that I'm a slut or anything because I'm not. Really, I'm not." He sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than Whitney.

The other man sighed with relief. 'So he does like me after all' he thought before wrapping his arms around Clark's shoulders. "Calm down Clark. I know you're probably very confused because of how I treated you before but uh... I really do like you Clark; I just thought I needed to hide my true self before. Now, after brushing myself so closely against death, I know that it wasn't worth it. So I finally took a chance with you."

Clark gave Whitney his 100 Watts smile and Whitney felt his knees go weak. He held onto Clark tighter to keep himself from falling.

"So how about we get back to looking for clues and then when we're in New Orleans... Maybe we can sneak off and, I dunno, have dinner together or something like that?" Clark asked hesitantly.

Whitney gave him an almost equally bright smile. "I can't believe Clark Kent just asked me out on a date."

"So I'll take that as a yes?"

"Take that as a 'hell yes'."

* * *

"Found something!" Clark called downstairs before going back down with a small box.

"What is it man?"

"Take a look at these" Clark said as he opened the box and took out a picture. He passed it to the rest of the gang.

"You're welcome back anytime sexy, love Jezz" Pete reads from the back of it.

It was a picture of Tina with her arms wrapped around a gypsy girl, supposedly 'Jezz'. Behind them was a band of musicians playing in the streets and a restaurant called 'The Old Creole'.

"Good morrow to you my worthy friends. What be the news with thee?" Chloe said as she got out of the restroom. She had somehow transformed herself from Velma to a Shakespearean Englishmen.

"Umm... We found out where Tina might be." Clark said as he handed Chloe the picture. The girl held up in the air in a dramatic gesture.

"Oh, be that wanton, fickle lady luck kinder on thee than she was on me! For having given me my lady love, fair as summer's bud in full bloom, as our passion begins to flower, her ever changing whim hath my love from my bosom plucked. Oh spite! Oh hell! My soul, my heart having been reaped from me, I have no will to live - oh lady luck! Thou heartless wench!"

Everyone looked at the girl impressively as she finished her Shakespearean rant. Not one of them understood what the hell she was saying.

"The Old Creole," Whitney said, diverting attention back to the task at hand as he looked at the picture again. "Well, it looks like we know where to start from," Whitney kissed Clark lightly on the neck. The teen blushed cherry red and smiled at him. He gasped Whitney pressed his erection against Clark.

"Hey you two either stop it or go get a room" Whitney ignored Pete and continue to press up against Clark.

"Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind," Chloe interjected poetically.

"Whatever man, my mind ain't gonna wanna see that either" Pete replied. "So how are we going to get there?"

"I'll go home and ask daddy about it. Maybe he'll let us use the Luthorcorp jet."

At that comment, Chloe tilted her head to look up at Clark. ""Clark, hast thou become an insolent cur from thy father's moneys?"

"Wait, daddy??!!! What do you mean by that!!???" Pete asked suddenly, "What are you all talking about??!!"

"Oops!" Clark exclaimed as he tried to think up something. He really didn't want to tell his friend the whole story and watch him faint and wake up and forget all over again. So, he wrapped his arms around his friend's waste. "Pete, remember the DNA test a few months back that I had to take because-"

Pete went limp halfway through Clark explanation. At least this time Clark was prepared enough to have caught his friend before he fell to the floor. He got Pete onto a vintage sofa near by making sure to blow out most of the dust on it before he did. Clark sighed, looking at his best friend before turning back to the rest of the group.

"So... I suppose we should be getting home now. It's getting late," Clark said as he went to pick Pete up again. "I'll take him home."

"Let me help you, Clark" Whitney said as he instantly went to Clark's side. Clark gave him his blinding smile before they both carried Pete to Chloe's little horse drawn carriage

No one knew how the van disappeared or how the carriage was conjured up but everyone knew better than to ask how and/or why Chloe does the things she does.

* * *

"Thanks for giving me a ride home Whitney," Clark said, even though he could have Lex get the chauffer to come around and pick him up at Pete's house (where Chloe's carriage had magically changed into a pumpkin the moment everyone walked out of the house).

"Not a problem," Whitney said as he got out of the truck. "Can I walk you to your castle?"

Clark smiled, feeling like a girl. "It's not exactly mine but, sure."

"So, what's like being filthy rich?"

"Tiring... Different. I mean there's so many things associated to it. I mean I have to learn all about taste and public relations and stuff. Lex doesn't let me wear flannel anymore you know? Not that I don't like the expensive clothes or anything it's just..."

"Not you?"

"Yeah," Clark said, there was a hint of tiredness in his voice.

"I understand," Whitney said as his hand found Clark's. "My family, they err... aren't really tolerable of homosexuals... Since before I could I've always been feeling a little different from the other boys. Always an outsider. That's why I try to be so tough, so macho and manly. I thought the feelings would go away if I try to act just like everyone does and no one would know ever know."

Clark gave him a smile that said he understood every word. They simply stared at each other in complete silent for a few minutes. Then Clark placed his hand on Whitney's face, pushing away a long strand of blond hair and tucking it behind his ears before leaning in for a warm and tender kiss.

Suddenly the door burst open, pushing both of the oblivious men away from the door causing the both of them to trip on a step and fall onto the floor. Neither of them even noticed they were already standing at the entrance, let alone know that they were leaning against the door.

"Oh sorry Monsieur Clargh!" A French maid said as she came out the door. She went to help them both get up. "I'm so terhibly sorhy."

"It's ok Amabelle," Clark said as he tried not to stare at her breasts that seemed to be spilling from that tiny French maid outfit. The fabric covering it seemed to be so near the point of explosion that even a gay man noticed it. Both Clark and Whitney tried NOT to comment.

"Monsieur Clargh, Monsieur Lex vants to see you in 'is study."

"Ok, I'll be right there" Clark said as he looked back at Whitney again. "So, I good night, I guess."

"Yeah, good night Clark, I'll see you tomorrow" Whitney said with a shining smile.

**TBC**

This is crap. The grammar, the spelling... it's crap and its nonsense, why would you read it? I only write it cause bastardisation is fun... sorry to all you disney fans btw, atleast I didn't write anything too explicit.


	19. Pt4, Chapter 4: The South, The Brit and ...

Inconsistency. It's FUN!

I'd like to thank Lilliluthor for beta reading this chapter and for being such a great fan. Thanks for the support . :)

**Chapter 4: The South the Brit and the Dozen Buffalo Wings**

"Come in" Lex said as he heard the rapping on the door. He knew who it was.

"Hey Lex," Clark greeted happily as saw his brother. "You wanted to see me?"

"I always want to see you Clark." Lex said as he turned off his computer and strode towards his lover. He laid his arms on the silk of Clark's shirt, feeling the tight muscles underneath it. "How was your date with the football captain?" he asked.

"It wasn't a date Lex."

"Right, because the Fordman's residence is so near to the mansion, he decided to give you a ride home and you just happened to fall onto his lips as he was leaving. Come on Julian, you know you're a bad liar so just tell me the truth for once."

Clark sighed. "I was going to tell you Lex."

"When? On your tenth anniversary perhaps?" Lex's voice dripped with sarcasm. Clark put his hands on his hips and rolled his eyes in ways only a teenager can.

"Well, let's start from the beginning." Clark said as he sat himself down on the sofa. Lex followed him.

"When you saw me kissing Lana a while back, she had revealed to be that Whitney was gay and that she was only helping him out as a friend by dating him as a cover. After Whitney came back two days ago, I thought Lana was mistaken because he, well, he wasn't. He told Lana that he couldn't remember anything but her. Then earlier today we got attacked by a water mutant and then Whitney came in and it turns out that that wasn't Whitney but was actually Tina Greer and then the real Whitney showed up and he was all rugged and handsome and he looked like a pirate with that eye patch and he had all that luscious blond hair and…" Clark paused, realizing what he just said. "Um, sorry, no offense."

"None taken," Lex replied bitterly as he consciously ran his hand over his shiny bald head.

"Well, um...anyway Tina kidnapped Lana and we suspected that she went to New Orleans. Whitney gave me a ride home and I was wondering if I could have the keys to the Mansion in New Orleans so we could all go stay there as we go look for her... but if not that's ok. I mean I can use my own allowance and stay at a hotel or something."

Despite Clark's insistence that he didn't need a five digit allowance each month, Lionel went ahead and gave it to him anyway. He now had a bank account and credit cards that he never really used. He wasn't used to having so much money and his father forbid him from using it to buy new farm equipment, and hated it when he brought home expensive gadgets and entertainment units. The mansion already had enough gadgets as it was and Lex seemed to enjoy using his own money to shower Clark with presents so he never really got the chance to use it except for occasionally buying his friends coffee or dinner. But even his closest friends always insisted that they didn't want to use his money either.

"Who's going with you?"

"Oh just Chloe, Pete and Whitney."

"And you didn't leave it to the police yet again because?"

"According to them Tina Greer is dead. We don't have any evidence to prove to them otherwise. They didn't believe us."

"And you won't let me assemble the Hazmat team to help you with this?"

"She has super strength Lex. I don't know if they can handle her."

"And you plan on defeating her how exactly?"

"Um…I know her weakness," he lied.

"Well, I'm going with you."

"What!"

"Is that a problem?"

"No. It's just…I thought you'd be too busy to spend your weekend with a bunch of teenagers."

Lex gave Clark a smile. "Actually I'm free this weekend. And they are a rather interesting "bunch of teenagers". I'm sure I won't get bored. Plus it can't be good for business if the manager gets kidnapped. "

Clark's smile widened once again as he hugged Lex tightly.

"Julian," Lex whispered into his ears.

"Yes Lex?"

"Can't breathe."

"Oh my god! Lex I'm sorry." He let go of the man as if he was burnt by the touch.

"It's ok, Julian," he said as Clark walked away to pack his bags. "You might want to tell the Kents about this before you go though."

"I will."

Clark called as he walked out of the room. Lex proceeded to call Lionel in London and tell him about their trip.

* * *

"Clark," Martha smiled as she ran over to her son to give him a hug. She hated not having him at home every night, but she was getting used to it. At least working for Lionel gave her time to see her son whenever he was with him. But it was no where near enough.

"Mum, I thought you'd be in London with Lionel right now." As much as Clark enjoyed calling Lionel, "daddy" he knew it would hurt his parents and had tried to suppress the habit every time he was home.

"No honey I had to stay here tonight to wrap up some things. I'm following him there tomorrow.

"Oh, well is dad here?"

"Right here son," Jonathan said as he came downstairs. Martha smiled as she handed him a mug of hot milk. Then she placed a plate of cookies on the table.

"Thanks mum," Clark said as he stuffed his mouth full of chocolate chip cookies.

"So honey, what brings you here tonight? And at this hour?"

"Yes son, what does Lionel want with us now? Are you here to warn us about something? Or did he send you here to give us a message? Did he say anything about me? You're not here to spy on me are you son? Because I trust that you wouldn't do anything to hurt this family. Unless he brain washed you. Oh my god! He didn't brain wash you did he son? Son, talk to me! PLEASE! TALK TO ME!" Jonathan screamed as he tried to shake the indestructible body.

"DAD!" Clark shouted and Jonathan stopped. "I'm not here for Lionel."

"Oh, sorry Clark. Why are you here then?"

"I'm here to ask you if I could spend the weekend in New Orleans with some friends. I've finished all of my homework and I'll get the chores done before I go and if you need any help doing them while I'm gone you can just call the number I gave to you earlier and someone will come over to help."

"Oh well," Martha turned to her husband. "I think it's a good idea honey. It's been a very stressful few months for him. He needs a break."

"Who's going with you son?"

"Oh just Chloe, Pete, Whitney, Lana and Lex."

Clark hated lying to his parents but he didn't want to tell them that he was going on a rescue mission to save Lana from the meta-morphing lesbian who has equal strength to his and knows his weakness.

"I see. And where will you be staying?"

"At Lionel's Riverside Mansion."

"When does your flight leave?"

"10:30AM"

"How can we contact you?"

"I'll bring my cell phone. You know the number."

"And who came up with the idea to go on this spontaneous trip?" Jonathan asked with a raised eye brow.

"Chloe," Clark answered with a sincere smile. Jonathan sighed.

"Alright son, you can go, but you must remember to…"

"Be careful, I know dad I know."

"And you must remember to check for any kind of camera before using your powers. And make sure no one can see you."

"Yes dad."

"Alright then son, keep your cell phone on and have fun," he said as he gave the boy a hug. "And don't let Lex take you to any clubs or parties either."

"Yes dad," he said as he hugged his old man back.

* * *

"Wow, I would have never guessed it was you who owned this place Lex," Whitney said as he noticed the 12 foot high portrait of a bald, pre teen Lex and his father hanging on the wall across the main entrance. He handed his luggage to the servant as Lex's lips twitched.

"I've learned that it's always prudent to remind the help who's in charge" Lex said before he was glomped by a giant fluffy yellow blob and its 200 pounds of luggage. He fell to the ground, hitting his already bumpy head on the marble floor as Chloe cried into his lavender shirt.

"Oh Lex,(sobs) thank you so much for letting me (sobs) stay here after such (sobs)a terrible ordeal," she said before bursting out crying again.

Lex used every ounce of will he had in him not to kick her away.

Somewhere throughout the journey, Chloe had transformed from an anal retentively strict air hostess to hot dog vendor to fluff incarnate in both the literal and the figurative sense. She was currently dressed in an oversized shirt covered in yellow feathers and a matching faux fur skirt. The same kind of fur covered her matching yellow slippers and her feathery hair ornament. She looked a lot like Big Bird.

She stopped her wailing when she looked up from the floor and notice Lex's portrait. She jumped off him and ran to it.

"AWWWWWWWWWW!" She said as she looked at the picture. "Is that a picture of you, Lex? Aww you were so cute then." She cooed. As she started to baby talk to the inanimate object, Lex sat up and began rubbing the back of his head.

Pete shook his head at her as he entered. "Wow, man, this place is awesome!" he said as he took in the interior of the place.

The Riverside Mansion was nothing like the gloomy castle in Smallville. The walls were white with gold gildings and the crystal chandelier shimmered above them below the sky light. Sun light reflected on the marble floor giving the place a heavenly look.

"Are you alright Lex?" Clark asked as he helped his brother up.

"Aww! Clark that's so sweet of you to help your brother like that," Chloe cooed again, a little too loudly.

"I'm fine Clark," he said as he took the offered hand and pulled himself up. He let his hand stay on his brother a little longer than he intended to.

Whitney was quick to notice this and reacted by taking hold of Clark's other hand. "Clark, would you like to go skinny dipping with me?"

"Actually I was just going to show you to your rooms," Lex said as his sweaty hands tightened on his brother's. "They're on the south wing, right next to mine so if you're ever need anything." He breathed the words into Clark's ears and the boy shivered as the hot breath touched him.

Clark came to his senses and started untangling himself from his admirers.

"Great Lex, well I think we should all just go up to our rooms and unpack our stuff...Alone," he added as Lex and Whitney's face fell.

Clark sighed. Lex and Whitney had been at each other's throats and all over him since they saw each other before getting on the jet. Lex's behavior was really not helping him keep their relationship a secret from the world and Whitney's constant jabs only made it worse. As much as he desired the both of them, they were really getting on his nerves.

"I'll show you to your room Clark," Lex said as he led the way.

"I'll walk you there," Whitney added as he trailed along after them.

"Well, this should be one interesting weekend," Pete said amused to Chloe. The girl took hold of him in a suffocating hug.

"Oh Pete thank you so much for coming here to help me find Lana!" she wailed.

"Yep, one interesting weeken…," Pete muttered before fainting from lack of oxygen.

* * *

"This is it," Clark said as he looked up at the cursive letters that spelt the name "The Old Creole". Clark took the photo of Tina out of his pocket and looked at it. It looked exactly the same with a few minor differences, such as the lack of the two girls in the photo.

"So, what now?" Pete asked as he looked around at their gang.

"I think we should start by asking around. See if anyone has seen her or this Jezz girl around. Anybody here speak archaic French?"

"I speak can Gungan, Wookie, Jawa, Cardassien, Ferengi, and a few dialects of Betelgeuse," Chloe piped in. "Are they any similar?"

Lex looked Chloe up and down. She was currently in a white robe with white pants. There was a holster around her waist. On it was a 10 inch long metal tube which Lex assumed was a light saber.

"Aren't Cardassien and Ferengi from Star Trek, Chloe Skywalker?" he asked with an amused smile.

"I've been to many different universes," she explained. "And the name's Chloe Airrunner, not Chloe Skywalker," she added.

"Riiiiight" mumbled everyone unanimously.

"Well, we're still in America, most people here should be able to speak English. We should just start asking questions," Clark said. At some point during the journey he got promoted to gang leader. "I think we should split up. We don't want the people to think we're crowding them. Pete, you and I will go in and ask around. Chloe, Whitney, Lex, you guys ask the musicians. Chloe, as a Jedi I make it your duty to keep them from killing each other ok?"

"Yes, keep them from killing each other, I will," she said as Clark gave her a strange look.

"Why are you talking like Yoda?" he asked.

"Oh, in trend in the Jedi council, Yoda-talk is."

"Riiight" Clark said before going into the restaurant/pub with Pete.

The heel of Clark's leather shoes (which Lex had once again bought for him against his will) clicked against the wooden floors as Clark walked into dimly lit restaurant. The bartender was wiping down the polished wooden bar as waitresses walked about. The tables were covered in red and white checkered table cloths and there was blues music playing softly in the background.

As Clark made his way over to the bartender to ask questions, Pete turned and saw the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. She was a brunette with long wavy hair and with creamy smooth skin, covered by a silky red dress. Her pouty lips were covered with dark red lipstick and she had eyes that would make the strongest of men shiver. She also had the nicest rack he'd ever seen. It was so big that Pete wondered if one could go skiing on it.

The woman was sitting across from a nervous looking man in a suit. Pete stared at her as Clark showed the bartender Lana and Tina's picture.

"Yeah I've seen them before," the man said as he pointed at the picture of Tina and Jezz. "They used to come here a lot. This gypsy girl, she lived around here I think. I haven't seen the other one since Mardi gras though."

"So you haven't seen either of them around here?"

The bartender took the photo and looked at it again. "Well, now that I think about it I think I might have seen this girl walk past this place in that general direction last night," he said as he pointed to the right.

"You hear that Pete? I think we're onto something."

But Pete wasn't listening. He was too busy drooling over the buxom brunette as she paid the bill and began to get up, showing off her long legs.

"Well actually I think it might have been that way," the bartender said as he pointed in the opposite direction. "Or did I see her walking down that street? Or maybe she was walking down that other street. In fact, I'm not quite sure it was her at all last night."

Clark's face fell as he put his head in his hand and gave a loud sigh.

"Well, if it isn't the newest member of the Luthor Clan," A familiar voice with a crisp British accent sounded from behind him. He turned around and groaned. As if this day couldn't get any worse for him.

"Lady Hardwick," he said through gritted teeth while, at the same time, tried to make the word 'lady' rhyme with 'slut'. He failed dramatically and ended up sounding very creepy. "How lovely to see you again; what are you doing here? Looking for some other unfortunate men to try and screw over?"

Clark didn't quite know where all of this sarcasm was coming from but he guessed that it was a combination of too many dinner parties and listening to Whitney and Lex trying to burn each other with their remarks for too long. Either that or his inner gay man had been dying to say that to her face ever since the first time he saw her.

The smile Victoria gave in return looked just as fake as Clark's as she replied. "Actually I was doing some corporate espionage for my father. This was a convenient place to meet with my contact. What about you Clark? Shag your brother lately?" she asked with a polite smile on her face. Victoria was usually never this blunt but since he started it she couldn't see the reason why she couldn't do the same.

Clark quickly turned to Pete at the mention of his relation to the Luthors to see if he had fainted again but apparently he was too busy looking at Victoria's breast to notice so he turned back to her.

"Yes. Quite often actually. Lex is an amazing lover. Takes after his father, but I guess you already knew that."

"From that comment I'd say that so do you," she replied as she leaned into him. For some strange reason she took Clark's hand into her own and asked "So who's your little friend?"

Pete suddenly snapped out of whatever trance he was in and looked up.

"Hi, I'm Pete Ross, Clark's best friend."

"How do you do Mr. Ross? You must be a very good friend of Clark's."

"Well, yes I am."

"And you must know an awful lot about him."

"Yeah, I do,"

Victoria's smile widened as she turned her attention to Clark's shorter friend, though she had yet to let go of Clark's arm. It was only then that Clark noticed that Victoria's long red nails were latched onto his arm. He gave her a look but she didn't notice as she started grilling Pete for information about him.

"So you know all of his deep dark secrets?" She asked. Pete gazed dreamily at her.

"Yeah, they're really nice," he replied.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh um... Clark, yeah he's very nice. Not that I'm into him or anything. Cause I'm straight, really. Really, I am. The only straight guy in Smallville in fact."

"Of course you are Pete, May I call you Pete?"

"Yeah, you can call me anytime."

Victoria's polite smile twitched for a second. By that time Clark figured that she probably didn't notice the look he was giving her and asked.

"Lady Hardwick, I know you like to latch your claws into rich men but I never knew that you did it literally before. Would you mind NOT doing it to me?"

She pursed her lips before letting go, and examining her nails. She gave an expression of dissatisfaction before going back to her fake smile.

"Thank you," Clark said as he looked at his arms. Though he knew that his skin was invulnerable, something about Victoria made him uneasy. He checked his arms again, just in case there were glowing green marks on it. There weren't.

"Well, we really should get going now," Clark said before dragging Pete out of the pub.

Oh my god! Not again, Clark thought as he stepped out through the glass door. Lex was currently lying on the parking lot with Whitney on top of him. He was being man-slapped as Chloe lay on top of them, trying to pull them off each other.

"Chloe! What happened? I thought you were supposed to stop them," Clark groaned as he lifted Chloe off the two men.

"Well they're not dead yet are they?" she replied matter-of-factly as Clark lifted Whitney off Lex and threw both of them over each of his shoulders like towels.

"What happened to the force?"

"Well I used up most of my force on getting some dude to go into the restaurant and buy us Buffalo wings. Oh thank you," she said as some dude came up and handed her a bucket of Buffalo wings and walked off. She smiled before putting a wing in her mouth.

"Hmmm, spicy. Try some Clark." She said as she shoved a wing into Clark's mouth.

"Thmph" he mumbled and accidentally dropped both Lex and Whitney. Fortunately by then both of them had calmed down enough not to be at each other's throats. Lex smoothed the invisible wrinkles on his shirt as he looked disdainfully at the blond who sneered at him. Pete shook his head at them as Clark sighed once again.

"Look guys, I know that Lana means a lot to you, but all we know is that they're in New Orleans and that they may or may not be around here. In case you haven't notice, New Orleans ain't a small place. I know that you're all trying to be optimistic here but really what are the chances of finding Tina Greer within one and a half days here. Look maybe we…"

Pete's speech was cut short as from behind them, a blond girl with curly hair tore off a lamp post and hit them all in one go. From out of her pocket came a familiar green liquid which she aimed at Clark.

"Tina!" Clark exclaimed in shock before the ghastly green liquid touched his skin. It was the only thing he remembered before everything faded into blackness.

TBC

Sorry for the long wait guys, my muse left me for a fling with another muse in Tahiti and didn't come back for two months. I'll try to write more as soon as I can, I'm having my midterms his week.


	20. Pt4, Chapter 5: The Battle for Princess ...

I just wanna say sorry to all the Starwars fans that have accidentally stumbled onto this. Really I am. And yes, I'm aware that Darth Vader's sword is not suppose to be pink, but it does look like it to me.

**Chapter 5: The Battle for Princess Lana Continues**

Chloe Airrunner face twisted in anger as she stood up again. Using the force, she was able to duck in time and thus was not hit by the lamp post that Tina had swung over everyone's head. Grabbing the light saber from her holster, she switched it on and took off after Tina who had disappeared into the alley nearby.

Despite the light of the sun that shone brightly above the young Jedi, the deserted street was still gloomy and filled with dark shadows. The crumbling brick buildings surrounding her appears to be haunted and the wind whispered to her quietly; telling her that someone was watching her, waiting for her.

She tried making as little noise as she can as she walked down the cement street, her concentration, focused, her senses heightened. Not a pin can drop without her knowing about it.

The street led her to a dead end. Chloe's blue light saber buzzed softly as she lifted it up to her face and closed her eyes.

WOOSH! Neon pink light flashed in front of her as she moved away from it. Tina smirked at her as she twirled her own light saber.

"Where did you get that? I thought only a Jedi could get one."

"I got it off him" Tina said as she pointed to the black cloak that lay rumpled on the ground. Near the black pile of fabric is a shiny black helmet. A distinct black helmet which can only belong to...

"Oh no! You killed my fairly distant cousin's father whom I've met only once but have a distinct affinity towards! You'll pay for this!" Chloe screamed in rage as her light saber came down upon the other girl.

Tina's saber came up, blocking Chloe in time as the saber's electricity zapped dangerously. Tina pushed Chloe back with her super strength just as Chloe's blue sword swiped over her head.

The blond was thrown a few hundred yards away from Tina and landed on her feet on the side of one of the buildings. The brick shattered beneath her feet but not before she can use it to bounce off the side of the building and flipped twice before landing on the ground.

The building collapsed behind her as she and Tina ran towards each other, their eyes blazing as their light sabers clashed.

* * *

Clark felt cold wetness on his chest as he stirred; his eyes fluttering open to stare into a pale blue eye and a black eye patch. Long blond curls fell over Whitney's face as he wiped the wet towel over Clark's naked torso. 

Clark got up.

"Umm, Whitney where is my shirt?" Clark asked confusingly, though he was a lot more comfortable without them on.

"Oh, they're covered with that green stuff Tina sprayed at you, since it appeared to be hurting you I took them off and threw it away. Are you feeling ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Clark said as he sat up and looked around. "Where's everybody else?"

"Oh they're fine. They went after Tina in that alley."

"And you let them!" Clark shouted as he got up, pushed Whitney away and ran into the said alley.

He super-speeded the moment he was out of Whitney range of sight and froze the moment he reached the dead end. Chloe was fighting with Tina with what appeared to be blue and pink light sabers as Lex and Pete sat on the side of the street sharing Buffalo wings and popcorn.

"Hey, Clark! Glad you could join us man. Feeling better?" Pete asked as he approached them.

"Pete, Lex, What are you doing?" He asked incredulously.

"Enjoying the show of course," he answered as he gestured to the fierce dual. "Chloe told us to stay out of it, so we did. Besides we didn't have a light saber. If we go within range of them, we'd probably get sliced in half."

"SO YOU'RE JUST GOING TO SIT HERE AND WATCH!"

"Pretty much, popcorn?" Pete asked as he handed Clark the bucket. Clark looked at his best friend strangely.

"Relax Clark, they've been at this for hours and so far no one's gotten hurt yet," Whitney reassured him as he took a seat next to Pete on the pavement.

"'Yet' being the key word," Clark mumbled to himself but made no attempt to stop the fight as he sat down next to Whitney and threw some popcorn into his mouth.

"Buffalo wings?" Lex asked as he handed Clark the bucket. The man had moved to Clark's other side and Clark was once again caught in the middle.

"Hey guys, what's going on here?" asked a familiar voice from behind them. Everyone turned to look.

"Lana! How did you get out?" Clark asked before giving her a once over. The girl wads dressed in a salmon colored Arabian outfit, with a bikini top, matching billowy pants and curling pointed tip shoes. Her neck and wrist bans were made of dullish gold and her hair was tied up into a high pony tail.

"What are you wearing?" Whitney asked before anyone else could.

Lana rolled her eyes before sitting down next to him. "Tina has this weird Disney obsession. This is the outfit Princess Jasmine wore when Jafar made her his slave. Don't worry; she didn't do anything to me yet. She kind of took off a few hours ago and left me to my own devices. Luckily I had a hair pin and picked the lock on the handcuffs. So what's going on here?" she asked again.

"Isn't it obvious? They're fighting over you and we're enjoying the show."

"Right, so what's up with that Darth Vader costume lying in the corner there?"

"That's where Tina got her light saber. Also, Chloe accused Tina of killing her cousin; we're assuming that she thinks Darth Vader's her cousin and that's why she's so pissed off at Tina as well."

"Right. Pass the pop corn please?"

* * *

& Many hours later 

"Checkmate!" Lex said as Whitney sighed.

Four games of monopoly, five games of checkers and two games of chess later and Tina and Chloe was still too absorbed in their dual to even notice that, not only did Lana escape but also that she went away to get everyone more supplies of food and games three times in the last five hours.

"Oh god I am so bored out of my mind! When will they be done with this? I mean you'd think SOMETHING would have happened to someone after fighting, the first two hours!" Lana complained as she rolled the tiny dices.

"I know I mean it was fun cheering them at first but then they just keep going and going and it doesn't look like either of them any closer to winning than when they started," Pete replied as he lay himself down on the blanket they bought in a nearby store.

The group turned to look at the two girls once again. They were still locked in a battle, completely oblivious to anything else as their light sabers zapped at each other heatedly while the others looked on in a bored manner.

Another moment went by and everybody sighed.

"Ok, that's it. I've had enough of this!" Clark said huffily as he stood up and strode over to the opposite side of the road where the buildings have all but crumbled into dust. The girls didn't even notice him approaching as he took hold of both of them by the waist and threw them over his shoulders, the light sabers clattering to the floor as it went out.

The girls screamed at him to put them down and he resisted the urge to drop them all onto the hard concrete floor to rub his ears. He didn't let them down until he was standing in front of Lana.

"Princess Lana! How did you get out?" The two girls asked simultaneously as they looked at her with wide eyes.

"You left me handcuffed in that warehouse while I have a dozen hair pins in my hair. What did you expect me to do? Bake cookies?"

"Well if Lana's gotten out and everyone is alright, what are you guys doing sitting here looking bored? Can't you go and do something else?" Chloe asked, looking slightly confused.

"Do what?" Whitney shouted incredulously. "In case you haven't noticed, this is an ABANDONED neighborhood. What do you want us to do? Resurrect the economic and social livelihood of the community?"

"Yeah, and it's not like we could leave you here by yourself Chloe," Pete said gently as he patted his friend on the back. "We needed to be here to make sure you were alright."

"But you guys weren't doing anything to help."

"That's because we trust you Chloe, we know you're tough and that you can handle yourself"

"Aww thanks Pete," she said as she hugged him tightly. Pete hugged her back with his left hand as the other went into his pocket. He smoothly slipped the $50 bill out of his pocket and into Whitney's hand and sighed. Since Clark's the one who stopped them fighting looks like the bets off, he thought as Chloe finally released him.

"Hey, what about MY Princess Lana?" Tina cut in, standing just a little too close to Chloe with an angry look on her face.

"Princess Lana is mine!" Chloe exclaimed as she pushed the other girl back.

"No she's mine!" Tina shouted as she pushed Chloe back.

"Mine!" Tina said again as she took Lana's left hand into her own.

"No mine!" Chloe said as she took Lana's other hand.

"Mine!'

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"STOP IT!" Lana yelled at the both of them as she shook them off her. "I am not a toy so stop treating me as one."

"Sorry your highness," they both said simultaneously.

"Now, Tina I think I have something to show you," Tina said as she took the girl by the hand and led her to a relatively private part of the empty street.

"What is it Princess Lana?" the girl asked as they stopped at a corner of a broken building.

"Well Tina, you see the thing is, I'm not really a princess... or a girl for that matter," Tina gave her a confused look but before she could say anything Lana dropped the billowy pink pants to the floor. Her underwear quickly following it.

"Oh my god!" she exclaimed breathlessly, "You're..."

"Yeah,"

"Have you always been...?"

"Yeah,"

"And there's no way to...?"

"I don't want to."

Tina went silent for a long moment. Her eyes looking lost as it grew misty.

Then she burst out crying.

"I can't believe this, why does things like this keep happening to me? What's wrong with me? why can't I ever find someone to be with? I...I, I can't" she paused to slow down her breathing as Lana handed her a tissue. She flew on it loudly before speaking again. "First it was Jezz and she was perfect and then last summer she killed herself to get away from me and then I met you and I thought you were perfect but then... then... Why can't I ever find anyone that's perfect for me?"

Lana pulled up her pants and stroked the girl's shoulder softly. "There honey, it'll be ok. You'll find someone who wants to be with you I mean you're um... flexible...and err... devoted and you also err strong and um... well not exactly reliable due to your mental state but you're certainly very protective. A lot of girls like that."

"Really?" Tina asked timidly, her voice reminding Lana of a very sad Minnie Mouse.

"Yes Tina, you're a great catch. And you're also very pretty. And if the person doesn't think so you can always change. That's a big plus."

"I guess so."

"So cheer up Tina. You're great. Don't worry about it someone will come along." Lana said with what she hoped was a reassuring smile. It probably was since it was returned. Then Lana turned around and saw a lithe, pale skinned girl with curly dark hair walk by in a billowy white dress. "Hey, look at her!" Lana said as she pointed to her.

"Wow" Tina said as she wiped the tears from her face. Her eyes looking hypnotized.

"Go after her Tina, go for it!" Lana said as she pushed Tina in the girl's general direction. Tina continued to follow her from there, keeping enough distance to not be noticed. Lana sighed as she looked at her ex-stalker and hope that her new obsession doesn't end up dead. Then she made her way back to the others knowing that Tina will never bother her again.

"Hey Princess, what happened to Tina?" Chloe asked as she saw her girlfriend walk back by herself.

"Let's just say she won't be bothering us anymore."

"Oh my god, Lana! you didn't!" Clark exclaimed looking shocked.

"No Clark, I didn't kill her. I simply placed the obsession on some other unfortunate soul," she paused. "Well now that everything's over how about we all go and celebrate."

"That's the best idea we've heard all day," Whitney said with a smile as they all headed out of the abandoned road.

* * *

House of Sin was said to be one of the hottest nightclubs in this city and also one of the most photographed sites. That was due to its exterior which was made to look like an old church that had fallen on its side. During the day the place always gives a creepy haunted feel to it but at night, it was the liveliest place anyone's ever been to with the flashing lights moving rapidly through the stained glass windows and the loud, colorful crowd gathering outside trying to get in though the wide but heavily guarded entrance. 

The Luthors' limousine did not enter that way. It can't tonight, not with five underage kids begging Lex to get them in in the most annoying way possible. Tonight, the limo needed to park in the back and they all need to get in through the back door though no one will really stop them even if they got in through the front. They're friends of a Luthor after all.

"Wow," Whitney exclaimed as he looked at the fallen church while stepping out of the car. He had decided to go along with the pirate look so he was now wearing a red bandana on his head to go with his eye patch and a large billowy white shirt and black vest with matching pants that are a few sizes too small for him.

The girls, both now in red and gold belly dancer costumes with hundreds of tiny little beads decorating their tiny bikini top and flowing red skirt which grazed the floor was the second to step out of the car. They wrapped the thin orangey red fabric of their shawls around their shoulders as walked up the steps, their hands clasped around each other. Both pretended they don't speak English.

Clark and Pete followed them, feeling a little like someone was throwing a costume party without telling them that it was one.

"Lex, what are you doing in there?" Clark asked as the others waited for him.

"Be right there Clark," Lex called out after him. Then he took the tiny little grey bunny out from under the seats.

"Hey Nibblet," he said to it as he pet its soft fur. He had found the little thing in the mansion's garden. It was injured so he took it in and took care of it. Despite his bad experiences with rabbits he still deemed it too cute to die though he didn't let anyone know that he was keeping it and taking care of it. It would ruin his reputation. Thus he didn't let the servants take care of it for him either and that's why he took it to the club with him. Besides, he didn't really trust the servants at the Riverside Mansion. "Now I want you to stay in the car, ok Nibblet? Daddy will be gone for just a bit. I'll be right back for you. So stay, that's a good boy," he said as he gave it another stroke and got out of the car.

"Alright, let's go," he said as all six of them walked up the steps and into the club.

TBC

OK, so it's been a while since I update but I plan on finishing this part no matter what. I know the ending here's not too much of a cliff hanger fun but if you're already reading this, please stick around. There's a lot more wackiness coming, i promise.

And please review, that's the only way that I know my story's not just lying there untouched and unread. Too bad they don't have a count of who reads them here, if they did I wouldn't be asking you to waste your time reviewing this piece on non sense.

I'm currently working on another story right now, so it might be another long while before i start this again, plus I'm starting my third term in college next week so I'll be pretty busy. Sorry to those who actually reads this.

Bye

Lee


	21. Pt4, Chapter 6: Screwed Up Plot Device

It's ALIVE!

Yes, this story is still alive despite long peroids with no updates. Sorry for those who actually read it for taking so long.

And thanks to my boyfriend, Big and my friendlilliluthor who beta read my story. All mistakes are my own, they just made it less grammatically fucked up.

**Chapter 6: Most screwed up plot device ever!**

The inside of the "House of Sin" was like that of any typical night club, with its flashing strobe lights, painfully loud music and sweaty bodies rubbing against each other on the dance floor. The difference was that the place looked like the inside of a church; complete with confession booths with people having sex in them and a bar as the altar.

Lex sighed as he looked over at the teenagers, all eager and hyperactive as the way too colorful drinks were served at their table. Lex took a sip of his scotch as the belly dancer girls made their way to the dance floor and gave the straight men of the club a show. He looked, eyes green with envy as Whitney flirted with Clark publicly; his hands presumably down Clark's pants as the boy moaned in pleasure.

"Dude! Can't you go do that somewhere more private?" Whitney simply pouted at Pete before continuing with his task of completely debauching Clark.

"God, I am so outta here." Pete said loudly in frustration at his friends before moving to the dance floor.

"You know Pete's right Clark; you need discretion now that you're a Luthor. I don't want you becoming front page news for this. I suggest you find some place more private," Lex said coldly and maturely when what he really wanted to do was rip the blondie off his brother and thoroughly, thoroughly ravish Clark himself.

Clark pulled Whitney's hands out of his pants trying hard not to groan in frustration and failing miserably. Whitney smirked at Lex. He knew full well that the bald man couldn't do anything with Clark in public. The scandal over a Luthor being gay would be no where near as big as the scandal over Lex having an affair with his own brother.

"Clark, would you like to make a confession?" Whitney whispered to the young Kent-Luthor. The boy looked over at Lex for a brief second, as if trying to see if Lex was ok with it. Lex gave him a shrug, which Clark took as a "do whatever you want", so the teen got up and made his way with Whitney across the dance floor to a confession booth.

Lex took another swig of his drink.

* * *

Now that Pete was far from the horny gay men who couldn't keep their hands off each other, he was having a really great time. Hot chicks were dancing all around him as he enjoyed the view of Chloe and Lana's dance and he lost himself in the swirling mass of sweaty bodies. It was only by accident that he saw the shadow of someone through the unstained part of the stain glass windows. He didn't really acknowledge it at first until he looked again to see that that someone had a cross bow in their hands aiming to the left of him.

He followed the aim to see a tiny red laser spot on the pale porcelain skin of none other than Lady Victoria Hardwick standing a few feet away from him in front of a confession booth. The lady didn't seem to notice as she sipped her Martini, looking bored.

Out of instinct, Pete looked around quickly for the gay brunette and his blond pirate boyfriend. They were no where to be found. Damnit! It was all up to him now.

Using all the speed he had Pete rushed up to the lady, just before the trigger was pulled and tackled her down to the floor. The arrow hit the wooden booth and started burning slowly. The bartender at the bar nearby was the only one that noticed and he took the hose out from under the table and sprayed the water at them; effectively putting out the fire.

Stuff like this must happen here often, Pete thought, as the bartender went back to serving drinks to a blond couple and no one else took notice of them as they continued dancing.

"Thank you," a voice said softly from beneath him and he realized that he was still lying on top of the women. He got up quickly and smiled shyly, blushing as he offered the lady a hand to help her up.

Suddenly, Clark and Whitney burst out of the confession booth, Clark's pants still around his knees. They paused once they were out and Clark blushed and quickly brought his pants up to cover his still hard penis.

"I thought I saw a fire," he said alarmed.

"You did, the bartender put it out before it could…"

But before Pete could finish his sentence, a grey rabbit flew over all of their heads and landed on the floor next to Victoria.

Everyone looked at the little creature curiously before Lex ran up to it and took it into his hands.

"Oh my god! Nibblet! What are you doing here? I told you to stay in the car! Oh you poor thing, were you scared without me there? Oh I'm sorry, daddy's here now and I'm not leaving you again. Oh you poor thing."

Everyone raised their eye brows at that but Lex didn't notice as he kept petting the little creature, completely ignoring everyone else as he made cooing noises at it.

"Oh dear god!" Victoria exclaimed in amazement tinged with horror as she looked up at the stained glass roof, right at the moon.

"What is it?" Clark asked curiously as Whitney lifted up his shirt to touch his bare skin.

Victoria turned and looked strangely at Pete. "You just saved my life whist having a confrontation with sodomites on the night of the 4/5th moon inside a "house of sin" in the presence of a descendant of a Lord of Monmouth shire and a small woodland animal above our heads."

This time, the crowd turned to look strangely at the brunette lady and gave her a raised eyebrow.

"Umm... I guess so," Pete replied, with uncertainty.

Victoria looked terrified. No one understood why.

"I need a drink," the brunette mumbled as she went and got herself one. Everyone else followed. Curious as to where this is all going.

After she finished her first drink and ordered a second one, she turned to face Pete.

"I think you might have to marry me," she said loudly against the music.

"What!"

"I think you might have to marry me" she repeated, louder this time though it wasn't the volume of her voice that invoked the response.

"What!" It was Clark who said it the second time as everyone looked at Victoria like she was insane.

"According to the Monmouth Shire Edict, if a man saves a woman's life whilst having a confrontation with sodomites on the night of the 4/5th moon inside a house of sin in the presence of a descendant of the Lord of Monmouth shire with a small woodland animal above their heads, then he must marry her."

The crowd looked more bewildered than ever.

"I'm a descendant of the Lord of Monmouth Shire on my mother's side."

Everyone stared at her in silence.

"It's an old Welsh tradition that was passed down my family. I only remembered it because it was the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of. It was created because some rich arsehole great great great grand parent of mine wanted to marry some girl and couldn't, so when that peculiar event happened he took the opportunity to call it destiny and made a law out of it and got her to marry him thinking that the same string of peculiar events couldn't possibly happen again."

"Riiight" Lex responded.

"So why would you follow something so ridiculous and archaic?"

"What are the chances that a man saves a woman's life whilst having a confrontation with sodomites on the night of the 4/5th moon inside a house of sin with the presence of a descendant of the Lord of Monmouth shire with a small woodland animal above their heads? It can't just be pure chance, and if it is, how can it ever possibly happen in real life? It's got to mean something."

"I never took you for the destiny type Victoria," Lex said, still looking at the women like she was insane, all the while stroking his pet lovingly. "Besides, how can you marry Pete Ross? He's a high school sophomore from Smallville."

"Well, the tradition says that if they can't be married right away then they can wait and just get to know each other," she explained, turning to Pete and staring at him seductively. "Besides, you did save my life. I should show my gratitude."

Pete was too mesmerized by her to answer at that point.

"Um...Lady Hardwick," Clark said, grabbing her attention.

"What is it?"

"Um, well your claws are digging into me again," he said, gesturing to the red nails currently digging into Clark's impenetrable skin. "Would you mind getting them off me please?"

Victoria let go of Clark and brought her nails up for inspection. A quiet "damnit!" could be heard before she turned back to Pete.

"Mr. Ross, is it? Er, would you like to join me at the Maison Orleans Hotel?"

"Sure," Pete answered with a dreamy look in his eyes as Lady Hardwick led him away.

* * *

The next morning Whitney woke up with the worst hangover he ever had. He felt like his head and stomach were about to burst and it got ten times worst every time he moved his body.

It wasn't like the blond had never had a hangover before. On the contrary, he'd had many hangovers before from late night partying with his friends in high school and later on nights off in the marines; he knew very well how to handle hangovers, even memorized the recipe for the cure for it by heart. But none of the hangovers were ever this bad before. Whitney didn't even remember drinking that much. All he remembered about last night was the feel of Clark's body, Clark's skin, Clark's mouth, Clark's cock.

Maybe Clark can excrete alcohol through his dick or something. It's possible; he is from Smallville after all.

"Fuck! Shit!" he heard from somewhere outside his room before the door burst open. Whitney groaned as Lex yanked the curtain open, letting in the painful evil sunlight that burned his remaining eye.

"Rise and shine princess!" Lex said, his voice (which wasn't really that loud) rung through Whitney's ears.

"Ah! Not so loud!" the man exclaimed as he tried to cover his face with a pillow. Lex simply rolled his eyes and threw a newspaper at him. The blond slowly picked it up and looked at it through a blurry eye.

""Is Pirate Fetish in?" Are you saying that I'm a trend queen Lex?"

"Yes, I came all the way to your room this early in the morning after a late night of partying just to say that you, Whitney Fordman are a trend follower."

Whitney just looked confused at Lex.

**"THE FRONT PAGE, YOU TIT! THE FRONT PAGE!"**

"Alright! You don't have to be so loud," Whitney said, tucking a strand of long blond hair away from his face before turning to the front page of the newspaper. "Hmm... Let's see "Government set to raise gasoline prices", "Stock market on the down turn", "Queer Luthors Ahoy!", "Six killed in boating accident"... wait. "Queer Luthors Ahoy!"? Did you finally come out Lex?"

The bald man sighed and took the paper away from Whitney. **"Sub headline: Clark Luthor beds unidentified male pirate!"**

"Oh... That's bad isn't it?"

"No, it's great! Don't you know that when the possible heir to a multi billion dollar corporation is caught literally with his pants down with an anonymous man in a pirate costume, investor's confidence shoots right through the roof!"

"Is that sarcasm?"

"Jesus! You really ARE a natural blond aren't you?"

"Hey! Blonds aren't really dumb, that's just a stupid stereotype!"

"Well then maybe you should stop acting dumb because you're giving all the other blonds a bad name!"

"Give him a break Lex he's having a hangover. Of course he's a bit slow today," Clark said cheerfully as he entered the room with a tray of hangover cures for Whitney. "Here, I got the cook to make you these. It tastes really bad but I think it'll help."

"Thanks Clark," Whitney said with a tired smile but before he could take a sip he got up and ran to the toilet and shut the door. Lex thanked god for sound proof walls. He really didn't need to hear the blond empty out his stomach right now.

"What's going on Lex?" Clark asked. He knew Lex wouldn't come all the way to Whitney's room just to have a verbal sparring.

Lex simply threw the newspaper at him.

""Is Pirate Fetish in?" Lex, are you telling me that I'm a conformist?"

Lex very nearly growled as he took the paper away from Clark, turned it to the front page and handed it back to him. After a second Clark's face twisted into a mask of complete horror, which was a relief to Lex who was afraid that Clark would take as long as Whitney did to finally acknowledge the situation they were in.

"Aww, six killed in boating accident; that's so sad," Clark said as he read the article.

**"NOT THAT ARTICLE JULIAN!"** Lex screamed, god what's wrong with everyone today?

"Oh," Clark exclaimed and continued reading, "OH!" he said finally in understanding. "Oh shit! My dads are gonna kill me!"

"Finally!" Lex exclaimed in relief.

"Oh my god Lex, they have pictures in here. What am I going to do?"

"Well, luckily we weren't in Kansas so they can't arrest you for sodomy, though even if you were in Kansas I don't think they can either, not just because the sodomy law is unconstitutional but because, well, we're Luthors, we have enough power and influence to get away with something as little as this; so we don't have to worry about legality too much. It's still going to be a major PR nightmare though. I've already spoken to dad and he said he wants all of us back in Smallville ASAP so we can talk about this. Julian, make sure everyone's packed in the next two hours."

Clark nodded slightly as Lex left the room.

* * *

There was something different about Lex's office that afternoon; though everything within it was exactly the same as when they were last in it. The light still shone from outside the window, the stained glass casting purple and red shades onto the wooden interior and the seats were still as comfortable as they always were. It must have been the silence. The deafening silence that had never existed here before as Lionel stared blindly at them all, not saying a word.

It must have been hours before even a single syllable escaped his mouth.

"Well?" he said and Whitney looked nervously at Clark who turned to look nervously at Lex.

"Um, I'm sorry?" Clark muttered. "I should have been more careful, I didn't realize I was that famous."

"There's a Clark Luthor fan club in Metropolis and you think you're not famous?" Whitney whispered into his ears.

"Not helping here Whitney." Clark said, frustrated.

"Well, what's done is done. Clark, you shall be punished later. You too Lex," Lionel said with a smirk that made his two sons shiver while the hair's on the back of Whitney's neck stood up for reasons unknown to him.

"But for now, we shall deal with what we are going to do. We could say that picture was a fake, buy off the witnesses and black list the photographer and journalists. Or, Clark and this young man can come out together as a couple and demand that the paper apologize for making your loving relationship into some sort of twisted affair. We'll get lots of publicity, make up some sob story about how horrible it is to be in the closet, then both of you can join some gay liberal organization, contribute lots of money and we'll turn that PR nightmare into PR gold. Luthorcorp hasn't been showing any support for the homosexual community anyway. It'll be good for our reputation as being...open minded. Clark, I hope that you at least know this boy's name."

"Daddy, this is Whitney. Whitney Fordman, he was a star quarterback here in Smallville. He joined the marines last year. He just came back from a battle in Kuwait."

"Perfect. Lex, help him write a speech on how hard he's fought for a nation that doesn't give him any freedom or something will you?"

"Of course" Lex said. Lionel couldn't see it but there he was obviously insanely jealous. All his life he wanted to come out as a bisexual but his father never let him. He told him it would decrease the chance of Lex producing an heir and now Clark, who had been in the family for only four or five months got to come out with full support. It wasn't fair, but then when was life ever fair. He knew that having an heir was part of his duty as a Luthor; didn't mean he had to like it though.

"Wonderful, now Mr. Fordman if you would please leave us, we have some...family business to discuss."

Whitney nearly tripped himself, trying to get out as fast as he could. He didn't want to know what punishment Lionel was going to give his sons.

* * *

Later that night.

"Mum? Dad?" Clark called as he walked cautiously into the rustic yellow farmhouse.

"Hello son," Jonathan greeted him with a wide smile as his arms circled around his son to let him into the house. Clark smiled in relief; maybe they haven't read the newspaper after all.

"Hi honey," his mum greeted and Clark smiled at her...Until he noticed the picture of his in the newspaper sitting on the table. He gulped.

"So," Martha started, "looks like you've had quite a wild time during your weekend vacation. Is there anything you would like to tell us Clark?"

"Um, I'm gay?" Clark said hesitantly.

"That's my boy!" his father said in a strangely proud way, "Admitting the truth like a man. I'm proud of you son. I thought you would never come clean with that, not that we can blame you. I mean we've been training you to keep the truth about yourself hidden all your life. I'm glad you've learned to make the distinction between what you should keep hidden and what you should have out in the open though."

Of all the reactions he thought he'd get, that was the last thing he expected and he gave his parents a wide smile. His parents were so cool. "Thanks, I thought you guys would get mad or something."

"Well, getting caught having sex in a night club isn't exactly an ideal way to come out," his mother said sheepishly, "but I'm glad you're not planning to cover it up honey. You've been living with so many secrets we were afraid that you were going to crack. I'm so glad you've found a nice young man like Whitney to help take care of you."

"You know it was Whitney? They didn't put names in that article."

"Of course we know honey; there was a picture of him in there after all. I think everyone in this town would know it was him."

"Oh, right," Clark replied stupidly, wishing that he didn't give Whitney too much trouble by outing him.

"You know son, I've always liked Whitney," his dad added. "Such a fine clean cut American boy, much better for you than Lex. I'm so glad you're with him instead of that Luthor. Especially now that he's legally your brother and having sex with him would be completely, completely _wrong_."

Clark froze for a second before looking up at his father with slight reservation, "Um, yes dad...that would be wrong."

"_Very, very wrong_" He emphasized.

"Yes, very, very wrong," he said with a strange look on his face.

"I'm so glad you're with Whitney son," Jonathan said, his bright smile back in place. "Besides, Whitney's better looking than Lex anyway, I mean Lex might have those piercing eyes and that smooth ass but Whitney; Whitney has that great body, with those abs he'd gained from football practices, not scrawny like Lex no. His ass is muscular too, probably feel better grabbing onto them than Lex's when you're-"

"DAD!" Clark interrupted, looking more terrified than he had ever been in his life.

"I was only trying to be supportive son."

"You didn't have to be THAT supportive."

"Oh Jonathan, stop embarrassing our boy. He's probably been through enough today."

"Thanks mum," Clark said gratefully. His mother gave him another smile.

"Now honey, I assumed you've had dinner at the Luthors already since you came home late but if you want some more it's in the fridge. Oh and I've picked up some gay clothes for you to wear tomorrow at your coming out party at the Talon, I've put them in your room for you to try on."

Clark stopped smiling. "Gay...clothes?" he asked fearfully.

"Mmm Hmm" his mother nodded, still smiling.

"Gay...clothes?" Clark asked again. His mother just smiled. "_Gay, clothes_?"

His mother simply beamed. "You'll love it honey. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go sew some rainbow flags for our drive way."

* * *

And with that she walked out, leaving a completely stunned Clark staring blankly at the door.

Clark was going to kill his mother. Clark was going to kill her dead. Completely and utterly, dead.

And once he was done, he was going to dig a hole deep DEEP into the ground and live in it.

"I'm going to kill my mother," Clark repeated as he looked at himself in the mirror.

"Oh stop being such a drama queen Julian. You look fine," Lex said, trying and failing to reassure his brother.

**"FINE! FINE! LEX YOU CALL THIS FINE?"**

"Hey Clark are you ready yet?" Whitney said as he walked into the dressing room in his military uniform, complete with the ever present black leather eye patch. His hair was tied back immaculately and he looked like a tough army general super-villain in some old 50's movie. He froze completely when he saw Clark.

"My mother is SO dead," Clark repeated again as he saw the look on Whitney's face.

Clark had been fearful last night when he walked into his room. His mind had conjured up millions and millions of things his mum could have bought for him to wear at the completely unnecessary party Lana and Chloe had insisted on throwing for him and Whitney, but nothing could have prepared him for what he saw that night on his bed.

A bright hot pink mesh shirt and tight day-glow orange leather pants, no, not just tight day-glow orange leather pants; tight TIGHT tight day-glow orange leather pants. And the shirt wasn't exactly loose either, no; they were all tight TIGHT tight. If Clark was human he was sure he would suffocate from lack of oxygen by now.

"Hi honey," his mother burst into the room. "Oh, you look great in those pants; and your father told me not to buy them, what does he know about clothes, all he wears is flannel."

"Mum what are you doing here? I thought you were at the Talon helping Lana plan the party. And, what are you wearing?" Clark asked as he looked down at the black t-shirt his mother was wearing. "I'm proud of my gay son!" it declared in bright rainbow colours.

"Just showing my support honey, I'm starting a PFLAG organization, we have a first meeting next Tuesday. Oh and Lionel told me to tell you that he wants you to start a gay straight alliance thing at school as well. I'm so glad he's being so supportive of you and your life style honey." She said before giving him a hug. Then she looked up into his face, "Clark, you look a little pale, are you sure you don't want to put on some makeup?"

"NO!" he said just a little too loudly and Lex couldn't hold it in anymore and burst out laughing. Clark just gave him an evil eye.

"Actually, I think he looks great," Whitney said, having only just come out of his shock. Clark knew he was trying very hard to hold in his laughter but he was grateful for the rescue.

Martha gave Whitney a bright smile and Lex felt a pang of jealousy hit him. He couldn't laugh anymore. It was painful enough that Whitney was the one who got to hold Clark and kiss Clark in public when he couldn't. Now he had to take Martha, the closest person he had to a mother, away from him too?

If only he could get away with ripping that blond head off.

"So," Clark said loudly, sensing the tension rising exponentially in the room. "Shall we go?" he asked and led everyone out of the room and headed for the Talon.

TBC

Again please review. I'll be working on the next chapter. Hoped y'all like this one.


End file.
